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Ice Cream Man (1995)
8/10
Definitely NOT someone you'd want going around your neighbourhood selling ice cream to your kids!
14 March 2006
Ice Cream Man is a great little horror movie thats really scary and funny! The last comment red, "Poor Clint Howard." Poor Clint Howard? Are you crazy? This is the first feature role I've seen him in... and he's totally awesome and eerie in it!! This movie must have been made just for him. Watch out Candy Man, Boogie Man, and all you others. Ice Cream Man is a great little horror movie thats really scary and funny! The last comment red, "Poor Clint Howard." Poor Clint Howard? Are you crazy? This is the first feature role I've seen him in... and he's totally awesome and eerie in it!! This movie must have been made just for him. Watch out Candy Man, Boogie Man, and all you others.
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Prime (2005)
1/10
Prime
30 January 2006
Yet another stupid, pointless addition to the New York Love & Sex genre. And like all the others before we get all the same scenes and characters.

There's the basketball, food, dance, and love scenes; The nosey over protective mother who has nothing better to do than get over involved in her son's sex life and is oblivious of the fact that her child is a grown man; The crazy friends who constantly bug you for a play-by-play; The spoiled slut with the cat and big apartment; The romantic leading man who likes both sports AND art (yeah right); And blah blah blah, more of the same.

Oh and lets talk about Mural Strip and how terrible she was in this movie. Why is she the therapist when SHE is the one who needs the therapy??? She was just horrible in unmistakably her worst role ever. Was she ever in anything good to begin with?

There are more questions remaining... how can we go through this farce believing they are mother-and-son when they ain't got a glimmer of resemblance?? It's ridicules. And who really gives a shight about the age? The entire storyline/conflict in the movie is that the woman is a few years older than the guy....... oh nooooooooo! Seriously... BIG DEAL, get a grip. If I didn't know she was technically 2 years older I wouldn't have been able to tell them apart in age! Hell she looks better than him anyways. This movie doesn't hold. I've seen it done much better in The Graduate.

The leading woman in Prime is named Raffy, short for Rafael. OK... but have you ever heard that name for a female??? Damn, who wrote this? And whats with all the World War 2 references? ...is it supposed to be funny?!!! One more thing, here's my favourite quote from the movie, "I love his penis. I want to make a hat for it." Are you kidding me?

How many times have we seen this before? How many times do we have to watch it over again? You won't find anything new and original in this tired, agonizing outing. You'll just get pist off like me! Recommended for serious Uma Thurman foot fetishes only.
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Grizzly Man (2005)
10/10
My Pick For Best Picture Of The Year
30 January 2006
I'm going to review it, but not by complaining about how little concern he had for his life, but by tremendously admiring him.

There are so many things I love about this beautiful work of art, love & adventure. 1) The way its editing with all the exceptional, special stuff they left in that NO OTHER MOVIE would have the guts or glory to leave in. 2) The brilliant, warm, distinct narration. 3) All the people who appeared in it that had something valuable to say. 4) The stunning man-vs-bear scenes. 5) And most of all the man who is Timothy Treadwell.

It's true that thats what it takes for a man to make a name for himself, as he put it before he was killed. But now since he's gone the world will not be the same... and we'll only have this magnificent movie to remember Timothy as the brave, passionate, free soul. So how can we thank him enough for giving his life, and then for Werner to come along and honour it? It's one of the most important films ever, documenting one of the most influential individuals ever. Somehow though I think he's still with the bears... in spirit or by reincarnation. Go Grizzly Man!!!

Oh yeah, and fuk the park service! ;-)
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10/10
Extraordinary
28 December 2005
What an incredible journey. What an incredible life. This is an amazing real-life movie that captivated and dumbfounded me from beginning to end. I swear I was almost as nervous, scared, sad, and thrilled as he was. It never hit a bad note and every moment and incident contributed to the movie magic.

My Date With Drew ranks above any other movie about anything, because it shows people the way they TRULY are... which is refreshing. The filmmakers (or friends) did the best job at taking two different lifestyles, those of the celebrities and those of the nobodies, displaying a major distinction between them, and doing the impossible of colliding them together for one simple purpose. They achieve so much by telling their story and sharing it with the world.

May this serve as proof that if you want something and try, you can get it. So congratulations Brian on doing and getting it, may we learn from you. You've done it not only for yourself but for us all, thank you! And thank you Drew for finally pulling through at the end, and for all those wonderful compliments. You are a human being after all. Maybe she will invite her new friend to her house next time.
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9/10
Its all about A-S-P-E-R-G-E-R-S
27 December 2005
This is the only film about Aspergers and I value it. It is GREAT to see star-power giving awareness.

Having Aspergers myself, I could do what most people ('nero-typicals') couldn't- understand and associate with the characters. Though at the same time there were differences... because everyone with Aspergers is different.

So I found myself going, "Hey thats me!" Or, "Hey thats not me!" throughout. It varies from one thing to the other- it can be right on the money or the polar opposite. It was fun/nice to recognize all the small/not so small things-in-common. As for the differences, they were irritable!

When I first heard of this movie a while ago, I didn't understand why it was called "Mozart And The Whale". But now I do, and you will too. It is beautiful and has multiple meanings.

Only thing is it may portray people with Aspergers as being out of control nuts or retards, which is not the way they really are. So they may be overexaggerating and misconcepting just a little there.

All in all, curious and informative. Its guaranteed to please and inspire any Aspie who watches it. May bring them together too. HOORAY!
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Payback (I) (1990)
1/10
If you like watching people walk to their cars you will enjoy this one
9 December 2005
This is certainly NOT an Oscar contender. I knew this would be pretty bad from the title on the cheap DVD, "Payback L.O.U. Death!" (What the hell is L.O.U. Death!???), but I never dreamed of this. It seems like half of the movie is composed of people walking; to and from their cars, in and out of places, and another endless parade of pointless, pathetic gestures. All brilliantly directed with no music, action, or purpose. Wasting time doesn't count. But as far as what this full length feature achieves, wasting time is the only thing I can think of.

Don't even let me comment on the acting. Its just embarrassing! If you want to watch a few 'actors' shamelessly embarrass themselves for an hour and a half, you get it here. But if you thought you could get away with retracing humour from them, you are in for an unpleasant surprise... it will be the saddest thing you have EVER SEEN! And trust me, its not something you want to watch or sit through.

The kind of movie where nothing in it is good. And everything in it is not just bad, its bad bad bad. So bad that I can't even find the right word to describe how bad it is. Like I said, embarrassing. And painful. A painful, embarrassing experience.

It doesn't end there, before its over they make sure they put us through only the most awkward, disgusting sex scene you have ever seen. Featuring the worst looking middle aged woman you have ever seen. If you don't have an attraction for your mother, watching this might cause you to puke! It is also interlaced with another gross sex scene of 3 men raping.... you guessed it, another ugly woman! All 3 leading woman in here are butt ugly. Which seems to be the standard for the most amateur of family home videos.

Apparently the person who made this was born into a family who have been in the film business since it started and have extensive credits. Their last addition to their family was undoubtedly a mistake. The man can't write, direct or do anything associated with film-making if his life depended on it. I suggest you find something that you're good at! I wish I can forget this but it leaves such a stink afterwords, I'm going to need therapy to get it out of my mind! I'm warning you, avoid this like the plague. Take it off every shelf and deposit it in the nearest garbage can. Wipe it clean off the face of the earth!!!
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ABC Weekend Specials: Cougar! (1984)
Season 7, Episode 1
9/10
"Suppose we float all the way to Mexico, Abby. To South America! Or China!"
9 December 2005
A boy and his younger sister are left and entrusted in their small farm house while their parents go away to have their new baby. A scary flash flood occurs over night. The kids wake up next morning to find them in their house gently floating down the Mississippi river. It hits an island and they are startled to find a vicious cougar stuck in the tree in the other room. They escape only to encounter and befriend the cougar later. A pair of no good river-men pass along, with only the intent of robbing, harming, and holding for ransom. And you can pretty much guess how the rest of the story goes.

This is one of the most unique films I've seen. It runs a tight 60 minutes and is a well made, fun family adventure. There are also a variety of really sweet/sincere moments/conversations shared between the siblings. A must see. Great entertainment. Who knows what treasures you'll come across at a discount store.
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10/10
"I'll also need some alcohol to disinfect my hands", "Too bad it disinfects only the surface."
2 December 2005
This is a state of the art Girls-In-Jungle-Prison-Camp movie. It is loaded with nudity and all kinds of abuse. No wonder the good handsome doctor is a drunk. But there's only so much a decent person can absorb before they stand up and snap back. The doctor is their only chance of survival from the notorious warden and guards.

There is a death scene that has to be one of the worst, most frightening I've ever seen. I've seen a million ways to die on screen, but I have never seen this one before.

A fool could say this only happens in movies... but I'm sure similar events happen all the time around the world. And yes... even to girls! They could be taken advantage easier.

Lets remember the inmates are all criminals to be there, but what goes on in the remote jungle miles from civilization is an unseen, unspeakable hell where people who are supposed to represent authority and teach correction just turn into criminals themselves. The moral of the story; two wrongs don't make a right and good always prevails.

A superbly crafted intense, dramatic, romantic film that is both meaningful and immensely entertaining. Escape!
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Fiend (1980)
9/10
Beware the Fiend
29 November 2005
Super good cult/horror/mystery (obviously not much of a mystery for us). I can't believe its taken me this long to discover a gem as good and unique as this. Thanx to the good people at Retromedia Entertainment for making it possible by providing a nice collectors edition DVD.

This low budgeter is full of clever story and dialog. The highlight is the brilliant, long, creepy, suspicious, elusive performance by the main character Mister Longfellow. There's also a cute, loving wife... but unfortunately she wasn't as smart as her concerned neighbor husband.

A classic example of how a film doesn't need a budget to be good... just a writer/director who knows what he's doing and a few friends to help. Thats all you need. It keeps the atmosphere. And the spirits. If you haven't seen Fiend you are missing out!
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8/10
Home is where the heart is
25 November 2005
This is the 4th Craig Clyde movie I have seen. It is a change of pace, grimmer than the others, as we see a good boy try to cope with his grandfathers never ending coldness towards him and everything. But as the wise Indian said, "Its best to let hate burn out." And so it does. Time and circumstance brings them together with a beautiful, rewarding ending that ties everything up and leaves everyone happy. The title perfectly sums it up. This is an absorbing character study/time piece. I've yet to be disappointed/always been impressed with the writer/directors work. I think I'll take his invitation on the commentary and see his website/send him an email.
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8/10
Feel the spirit of Wolf Mountain!
25 November 2005
After having the pleasure of seeing Wind Dancer and Little Heroes, I knew before seeing it it would be another great Craig Clyde movie... Raeanin Simpson or not. Instead it stars another cute girl. And this time has bigger stars appearing in it. The likes of Bo Hopkins and Mickey Rooney. They are nice to see but you don't always need big stars to make a good movie. There's other good, convincing actors in it.

It also features two hilarious/odd looking escaped convicts. "Get back down on the floor or I'll splatter your brains." He tells the innocent little girl riding in the backseat. The guy looks like Jaws from the James Bond movies and is bent on killing the three kids the whole time. It is a lot of fun.

It's a great movie cuz it demonstrates how a girl can lead the group and triumph. In most other movies we routinely see the man using his head and mussel (Journey To The Center Of The Earth, etc) while the girl helplessly drags behind. But not here, we see the opposite. And thats what makes it interesting, adventurous, unique and sweet.

It's not as good as Wind Dancer or Little Heroes but it has its moments. Thank you Craig for making quality movies.
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