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The Princess (2022)
No Damsel in Distress Here
The Princess, much like Ryûhei Kitamura's Versus and Gareth Evans' The Raid, is a film driven more by premise than plot, and like those two films it takes no prisoners in its quest to entertain through near insane levels of fisticuffs. The unrelenting action starts in media res, with the how and the why spelled out in a series of flashbacks that, under the skillful direction of Le-Van Kiet, come together beautifully as we shift from one brutal brawl to the next. Joey King as the titular Princess leads the charge with surprising levels of conviction, the result being a medieval clash of the nobles that is truly a sight to behold. I would, however, like to offer a quick word of warning: If there are male egos out there too fragile to be entertained by one or more women serving up healthy helpings of whoop-ass, then maybe The Princess is not the film for you.
Kung Fu (2021)
The CW's Path of Poor Decisions
Since I was a kid, I have worshipped at the altar of Michelle Yeoh, Cynthia Rothrock, Sibelle Hu, Cynthia Khan, and Yukari Ôshima, to name a few. These amazing actresses and martial artists were the goddesses of Hong Kong Cinema in the 1980s, and with good reason. In the years since I've gone back even further and discovered, to my delight, actresses like Feng Hsu, Angela Mao, and Pei-Pei Cheng, who in many ways were the original trailblazers of '60s and '70s martial arts cinema. In the present day I am thrilled to bits whenever female martial artists like Zhang Ziyi, Maggie Q, Katheryn Winnick, Amy Johnston, and JeeJa Yanin are given the chance to showcase both their acting and fighting chops on the big or small screen. That's where I'm coming from. Yet, with this new iteration of Kung Fu, I could not for the life of me make it past the pilot episode.
The CW's Kung Fu is a poorly made series with poor writing, poor direction, and poor acting across the board, at least where the pilot episode is concerned. And, for a series entitled Kung Fu, it also commits the cardinal sin of featuring poorly choreographed martial arts every time someone invokes the foot fist way. Now, my familiarity with the David Carradine original series is limited, but those hoping for any of the same Taoist philosophy that was central to the character of Kwai Chang Caine will be sorely disappointed, as the primary concern of Nicky Shen (as played by Olivia Liang) is who is cuter: her ex-boyfriend who's an Assistant DA, or her new acquaintance who's a Tai Chi teacher at the local community center? Her family having been made a target of the Triad over unpaid debts is also treated like a minor issue compared to this battle of the boy-toys.
Long story short: Kung Fu is as shallow and clichéd as you can possibly get. It's a dumber than dumb soap opera for teens where moments of lovesick craving is interspersed with the worst martial arts choreography since... I don't know... Street Fighter starring Van Damme? But even that is giving it faint praise, because this series is nowhere near as "good" as Street Fighter. That movie's a masterpiece compared to this ungodly mess. As an example of how poor the writing is, this series will have you believe that in the entire San Francisco police force there is only one translator (or police officer) who speaks Cantonese, and so the Assistant DA (and ex-boyfriend) figures it's permissible to give classified documents seized from the Triad to a 25-year-old Chinese American girl who spent the last three years living in China. I have no agenda when I say Kung Fu is irredeemably bad, but I do have taste - and standards.
Star Wars: Episode IX - The Rise of Skywalker (2019)
The Force is NOT Strong in This One
In Star Wars: The Rise of Skywalker, Rey and her band of rebels have to find the thing to find the thing that will show them how to get to the thing. This is basically the cinematic equivalent of a ten-million-dollar supercar but under the hood all you'll find is a rusty lawnmower engine with a clogged spark plug and a busted fuel line. The writing is so abysmal that it defies belief. Convenience and dumb luck rule the day, and anything consequential that happens later turns out to be completely inconsequential. Abrams leaves the audience with no time for thinking, and by moving everything along at close to the speed of light, he is desperately hoping the audience won't even try to as they're relentlessly assaulted with a delectable mix of action, idiocy, and nostalgia. As far as Abrams' directorial talents go, it's highly likely that a ten-year old playing with his Star Wars toys could come up with something far more engaging that this glorious dumpster fire that cost hundreds of millions of dollars to make. It's so bad it's actually kind of fascinating, and I'm not even gonna get into the whole shoehorning of Emperor Palpatine into the plot solely to give Kylo Ren's get-out-of-jail-free-card after having elevated himself to central antagonist The Last Jedi. At the end of the day, just about the only positive I can think of when it comes to The Rise of Skywalker, is that it's the last film in the new trilogy, meaning I won't have to subject myself to yet another Star Wars film courtesy of this so-called creative team. Thank God for small mercies.
Rise (2007)
Rising from out of the ashes of the theatrical version...
It pleases me to report that RISE works brilliantly in its original 122-minute version. The use of non-linear storytelling is handled masterfully by writer and director Sebastian Gutierrez, and along with the beautifully lush cinematography of John Toll, these devices go a long way in giving the film an edge that most other horror films can only dream of. But then, RISE is so much more than a "mere" horror film, as it is just as heavily rooted in gritty film noir and hard boiled revenge thrillers like KISS ME DEADLY and POINT BLANK, and Gutierrez effortlessly mixes these different genres into one helluva potent cocktail. He is also greatly helped in making this sell by Lucy Liu, as her acting in this film is completely off the chart. This is without a doubt the finest and most daring performance she has ever given, and the raw emotion she dishes out in certain scenes is nothing short of astounding. So... in the cinematic tradition of vampire films like THE HUNGER, NEAR DARK, and THE ADDICTION, Sebastian Gutierrez's RISE is most definitely a worthy addition to the list.
Mirrormask (2005)
MirrorMask is the quintessential Alice in Wonderland story.
Dave McKean and Neil Gaiman's MirrorMask is the quintessential Alice in Wonderland story. The world that these two immensely gifted artists and storytellers have created is the very definition of mind-blowing, offering up one of the most astonishing and original fantasy realms since Marc Caro and Jean-Pierre Jeunet's The City of Lost Children over a decade ago. The amazing dreamscapes of Helena is truly Dave McKean's art brought to life, and is just through and through a perfect fit for Neil Gaiman's highly imaginative and at times quirky style of writing. The character inhabiting this strange tale, both the flesh and blood ones as well as those digitally rendered, are every bit as memorable as their surroundings. Stephanie Leonidas is quite simply a revelation as Helena, giving her a childlike innocence that, together with the emotionally rough seas of a teenager, makes for a very fascinating and real-felt performance. And you wouldn't for a second believe her to be anything but a troubled teen, despite her actual twenty-two years of age. Gina McKee delivers an equally impressive performance as Helena's mother, Joanne, and as the Dark Queen she has such a stunning presence about her that not even the most wicked of witches or evil of step-mothers could overshadow her for even the fraction of a second. Dave McKean's feature film directorial debut is a masterpiece, short and simple, and the feast that he serves up with MirrorMask is one that I most definitely will never tire of...