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dingusamongus
Reviews
Adult Video News Awards 2003 (2003)
Adult Video Stars do (not sexually tard!) Shakespeare and Win
I'll be the first to admit to anyone, my mom included, that I enjoy porn - except to my girlfriend, to whom I will flatly deny porn's very existence. So imagine my surprise when i see a video document of an awards ceremony for porn actors and actresses! I'm embarrassed to realize how ignorant i am about how hard (lol) porn acting really is. I mean I really thought it was - drop trou, shake hands in a non-biblical way, sweat a little and whew, I'm spent. I'll be honest, I tried to fast-forward to all the naughty bits, but there really weren't any!? Oh sure there were a few boobage shots, but no real other action except for bouncing tas as the actresses ran up the stage to get their awards. I would also like to share my dissatisfaction by mentioning that there was no real award for best food fetish film, as i felt that the acting in "Bikini Clad Custard Pie Throwing Chicks 3" was particularly flawless and very believable. I'd like to add that these porn stars wear more and kiss less than stars at the Oscars...remember when Angelina Jolie french kissed her brother? Now that was hot! Sadly there was none of that kind of kinky action at the Adult Video News Awards. With all due respect to the hard (lol) working men, women and transgendered people in the Adult Video business, I think I will stick to watching the pervy Oscars in the future - they are way dirtier.
Alone in the Dark (2005)
(Shouting) Best Film Ever?!?! Almost....
I know there have been a lot of negative Nellies putting this movie down, but I am here to defend this film from all naysayers! Look, I don't know about you, but when I finish a video game I get all teary and sad and shaky - like a heroin addict shoving his last junk into his vein. I need another fix, is what I am saying, and I don't really care how I get it - if we had to sell the urn that Grandma's ashes were in or pawn my daughter's wheelchair, I will get the money to get me a fix! So when I finished the latest Alone in the Dark game, I cried a little, then wet my pants (I have a problem, its really not funny) from the emotional trauma, and I said, "Please, Lord, what must I do, besides going for 4 years of Computer Science, 3 years becoming a junior programmer in small gaming firm - JUST to get another Alone in the Dark video game?" Well my prayers were answered - almost- with this movie. I showed up with my joystick, but there were no joystick ports in the theater where I was sitting. So I was denied the user interface that some of the other film patrons must have had. Other than that, I would say that who ever was playing the game did pretty good and solved the mystery in record time I might add! I kept yelling "dude, when's my turn?", but like most of my friends, the cretins in the theater told me to shut up. So to sum up: this film would be a 10 if I could have got my chance to play for a while and the acting was superb for computer generated characters - almost as good as Grand Theft Auto!! I would recommend this movie to any hardcore gamer like myself. Oh and I loved the talking dragon!