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MikoSquiz
Reviews
Doctor Who: Kill the Moon (2014)
A breathtaking new low.
Just because Doctor Who is science-fantasy (like Star Wars) rather than science-fiction (like Star Trek) doesn't mean it doesn't have to make sense. Nothing in this episode makes sense. It consists entirely of incredibly clumsy, half-written hand-waving to set up a dramatic decision that is itself nonsense but sounds good as long as you don't think about it, and coincidentally clearly establishes that the main characters are stupid and insane. The Doctor has always been somewhat morally ambiguous, but setting him up as essentially a sociopathic moron doesn't sit well, even if he does get taken to task for it - we know he's going to be back and we're just going to have to live with what he is now, and there doesn't seem to be much of an out for Capaldi's Doctor to resume his position as an essentially likable protagonist.
Not only is "Kill the Moon" easily the worst episode of New Who, including the one about farting aliens, it's possibly one of the worst scripts that has ever been written for television. The production is good, the talented cast do what they can with the inane nonsense they're given, but none of it is enough to do more than put some glitter on a dog turd.
The Complete Works of William Shakespeare (Abridged) (2000)
Pure agony.
Painfully bad renditions of Shakespeare highlights, accompanied by slapstick comedy along the lines of "Man wears dress" and "Man hits head". This is the black stinking pit where comedy goes to die. I would rather come down with colo-rectal cancer than watch this again.
I do have to admit I didn't watch all of it. The first half hour was unpleasant enough to convince me the remaining hour of my time would be better spent ramming #2 pencils through my ribcage while rolling around in a compost heap.
Audiences in Bill Shakes' day would have laughed themselves silly, but then, they were drunk out of their minds.
Rock 'n' Roll Frankenstein (1999)
A spectacularly awful horror spoof.
This is quite possibly the worst movie I've ever seen. Shoddy production values could be forgiven, even poor editing and lousy pacing could be excused by the occasional good scene or a belly laugh, but these are nowhere to be found. The lone standout scene is the musical number, which manages to be vaguely acceptable, and the most amusing thing in the entire duration of the movie is a constantly stoned hippie character.
Let me repeat that.
The funniest thing in the film is a stoned hippie character who ends every line with "dude" or "man". He doesn't do or say anything particularly funny, either, but just by being a stoned hippie and saying "dude" and "man" he still manages to be funnier than everything else.
I'd try to summarize briefly just how dire this failed horror spoof is, but words fail me. You'll just have to see it yourself - it's prime material for a Mystery Science Theater-style evening at home with friends and a drink or seven, and not just because you need alcohol to dull the pain of witnessing the black hole where comedy dies in terrible pain.