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San Ti (2022)
An incomplete, nonsensical assault on Liu Cixin's masterpiece
I was unaware of this attempt to adapt Liu Cixin's Dark Forest until it was referenced on Reddit in a post containing vicious reviews from Chinese viewers. At first, I took this with a grain of salt, as Chinese fans of Liu's work generally impugn on any adaptation that doesn't follow the book to the letter.
I was wrong. These reviewers are spot on.
First, the animation is decent - not the best - definitely underwhelming for something produced in 2022, but was not a barrier for me to enjoy watching.
The problems start in the earlier episodes where small plot points not germane to the larger story are dragged out and expanded to ridiculous lengths. A plot line that should eat up no more than a few minutes somehow monopolizes the better part of some episodes.
The entirety of the final third of the 15 episodes is focused on a ridiculous manufactured subplot that is not in the original books, and can't possibly serve to advance the story in any meaningful way.
The most agreed upon weakness (at least in Western circles) of the original book is not only adapted, but expanded on to nauseating effect.
The cerebral and thought-provoking source material written by Liu being adapted into this cringeworthy amalgam of action and romantic comedy leaves no doubt why the wider fanbase of the Three Body trilogy - Chinese and Western alike, have disowned this monstrosity, and rightfully so.
Reverie (2018)
Meh. Network TV clinging to a dying breed of storytelling
In this golden age of serial television - with the abundance of carefully constructed narratives spanning multiple seasons of cinematic-quality, it seems that the tired breed of procedural, formulaic and clichéd tropes is still alive and well on American network TV.
To start, Dennis Haysbert's introductory exposition during each opening sequence is another clue that deep and intricate storytelling is not something on the menu. I suppose there is still a market for serial television that requires few brain cells to watch - it's clear this show will primarily be popular among aging armchair jockeys for whom technological accuracy is not a concern. The same audience whose apathy would raise nary an angry fist in protest upon its inevitable cancellation.
The formulaic nature of Reverie makes it difficult to explore beyond the surface of character development - sure there are main characters with past tragedies, but having to wrap up an episode in 40 minutes leaves precious few minutes to go any deeper than casual mention. Because of the show's dearth of soul, It's difficult to see anyone - even the aforementioned armchair jockeys - elevating Reverie up to the cult status of series like the original CSI, Dexter, Game of Thrones or Lost... but then again, it's not trying to be. It's lazy television at best, solely existing to fill a time slot in the TV off-season.
Admittedly, I watch it each week for no other reason than it's the summer and there's absolutely nothing else new coming out on network or cable, and one can only survive on Netflix for so long.
Plus that child computer voice is really creepy.
Absolute Zero (2006)
So bad, it was good. But still one star.
A friend of mine found this movie in the 49 Baht (US$ 1.70) bargain bin at the local big-box mart... and that's about all this atrocity was worth.
Disaster movies, but definition are cliché, but at least movies like "Day After Tomorrow" have a budget, some scientific merit and decent acting. The cliché here is the scientist who no one believes, and his quest to save his family by locking them into a pressure-locked laboratory to ride out a nasty cold spell.
Even a movie with a budget as low as this one had, they could have at least concocted a more plausible weather scenario. We all know movies of this nature are rife with scientific inaccuracies, but this was just ridiculous in its hilarity. I won't go into the details on how the earth's magnetic poles do not govern climate, or how absolute zero (0°K) causes all molecular activity to stop, hence turning all liquids and gasses solid, or how the temperature of 0°K has not been attained naturally in the known universe or in a lab. The producers of this dreck could not even consult a scientist - or at least a 5th-grader before coming up with such a scenario? My concern is that there are people out there that watch a movie like this, and believe the science is true.
Nevertheless, after the first five minutes of this movie, I realized why it cost what it cost, and turned in to "comedy" mode, pretending that the mistakes, bad acting and horrible special effects were intentional. Having done that, I enjoyed watching the movie just to see how many things I could find wrong with it. It was like a bad car accident - you know it's gruesome, but you can't turn away.
EuroTrip (2004)
A disaster of European proportions
Sprouting from the huge successes of the "American Pie" series and "Road Trip", Eurotrip is yet another movie produced for the American teenage audience, who tend to place a higher virtue on mirth and vulgarity than direction and plot. As a mindless comedy, Eurotrip reigns supreme. As a movie, it fails in just about every aspect of its being. Deliberately made as a teenage gross-out movie, Eurotrip follows the misadventures of a young American who travels to Europe with some friends in order to salvage his relationship with a German pen-pal whom he had told off in a state of drunken, post-graduation stupor.
From Britain to France, the Netherlands, Slovakia, Germany and Italy, we are treated to 91 minutes of what can only be described as "Ugly Americans" romping through a stereotypical version of Europe. And this is where the true horror lies. Ironically, "The Ugly Americans" was this movie's working title.
Perhaps the most disturbing aspect of this debacle is the fact that the impressionable youths of America will come to believe that this is in fact, how Europeans act and behave. In this regard, Eurotrip succeeded in two things: One; Solidifying the anti-European, and the "America is Number One" sentiment among Americans, and Two; helping to obliterate what, if any, respect Americans still have throughout Europe. As an American who has visited Europe on numerous occasions, it horrifies me that I may one day be mistaken for the very ignorant, arrogant and culturally bereft clowns that produced this movie, and are depicted in it.
This movie seemed to have enough scenarios to succeed in offending many European peoples; We see that the British are all drunken soccer goons, the French are all naked perverts, the Italians are all homosexual, the Dutch are all over-sexed and always high, and Eastern European countries are still poor and dilapidated third-world countries. Another notable feat was the desecration of the Catholic Church, which I'm sure offended plenty of Catholics everywhere. This movie seemed to create a new genre: "Mass Offender." Aside from the numerous plot holes and stereotypes throughout this disaster, there are some genuinely funny moments that one only laughs at because they are human. However, these precious few moments are heavily overshadowed by the pure absurdity of the plot, the blandness of the characters, and the inadequate writing.
It may be beyond hope that Americans who watch this movie don't instantly bank on the assumptions on European culture this movie brings about. Perhaps the wiser will recognize that this movie is just one more piece of Hollywood trash put out to make a quick buck off of a generally uncultured target audience.
My take: Watch it on HBO when there is absolutely nothing else on. 1/10
Team America: World Police (2004)
Despicable Proppganda
This movie is pure Republican propaganda. This movie attacks such outspoken people such as Michael Moore, Alec Baldwin and Susan Sarandon... all liberals who are against the United States' gung-ho attitude towards foreign affairs and domestic freedoms. This movie's racial profanity towards Asians (substituting all R's for L's) is despicable. Had the filmmakers wished to make this film an "equal opportunity offender", they should have mocked those from the conservative side, such as George Bush and Donald Rumsfeld.
I found the humor crude, and at some times funny, such as the vomit scene and "pussys, dicks and assholes" scene. I expected crass humor from South Park creators, but not such biased filth as this movie was.