Change Your Image
AWHerrenburger
I know more about apertures, focal lengths, and cinema more than most directors — do they even know what bokeh blur is? Hah, I doubt it. It's utterly baffling how I was passed up time and time again at the Academy — but I digress.
My list, upon first glance, seems to come from someone not well versed in the art of the movie— but I can assure you, this is not the case. Lots of scores have been rearranged and formatted, in order to throw off scoundrels and leeches who wish to gain my perfect insight into what makes good film.
I will however, leave those of you reading with a small sampling of my prowess:
My Top Films of All Time:
-The Shawshank Redemption (An underrated classic.)
-The Godfather & The Godfather: Part II (Very underrated as well, Scorsese always knocks it out of the park.)
-The Dark Knight (Who doesn't love Heath Ledger?)
-12 Angry Men (A Courtroom Classic. I did my thesis on this movie.)
-Schindler's List (One word. Spielberg.)
Ratings
Most Recently Rated
Reviews
Transformers: Rise of the Beasts (2023)
Exceedingly Middling- Painfully So
What can really be said about the transformers movies at this point? They're supposed to be spectacles, but they keep on missing the mark. You go in to watch robot drama and robots fight, but you end up getting interrupted by people you don't care about, nor have any interest in caring for, with less fights and more standing around, and then the one fight that might have been actually cool got spammed SO much in the marketing and trailers that by the time you finally see it, you're not even surprised.
It seriously feels like the people making these movies don't even know why people like Transformers.
Wendell & Wild (2022)
A Visual feast, and nothing more...
Stop motion is such a time consuming endeavor. It makes it all the more painful when the plot doesn't live up to the visuals.
Simply put, this movie doesn't know what it wants to be.
We are given multiple plot threads and ideas, but none of them are ever fleshed out enough to feel compelling. We're never given the proper amount of time to digest, it's just onto the next.
The entire "Hell Maiden" concept is completely brushed past in order to make way for a private prison plot point which is hardly engaging. Wendell and Wild, barely even interact with Kat during the film when you really think about it- they're too busy dealing with the OTHER plot point of Father Best trying to appease the Klaxon's in order to keep his school. We just establish that the one nun, and one janitor know EVERYTHING about demons and move on.
So, why would the nun move the bear to a class where it might end up in student hands, if she knows demons are so tricky and evil? Evil- being a funny word here since Wendell and Wild don't actually do anything bad in the film- hell, when they descend upon Raul they just... put him behind an easily escapable open cage. Manberg even gives back the demons, no problem.
We get some really half baked morals tossed in the last 5 minutes, and that's it.
What are the stakes here exactly? Was I really supposed to care about a dead town with a total of 5 residents?
The lack of focus leaves a film that feels unpolished and rough. Not even the awesome animation and unique character designs could save it.
5/10.
My Octopus Teacher (2020)
Great footage with a great octopus - not so great human.
This documentary can be summarized as, "Man experiencing midlife crisis - remembers he lives near the water."
The footage of the underwater kelp forests is fantastic, the creatures are beautiful, and the sense of mystery and wonderment to this waterlogged landscape is not lost at all. This guy knows his stuff when it comes to filming nature. I have no problems there.
His actions and words on the other hand... Huh?
First off, it's very clear this guy is working out some personal problems. He resorts to retreading his childhood in order to get in tune with himself- namely diving. This is all well and good, but he immediately becomes obsessed and anthropomorphizes this octopus.
He makes no attempt to defend his "friend" when she's getting assaulted by a shark. His defense was, "Can't interfere with nature!"
It's extremely hypocritical for him to say that, all the while he's entering the kelp forest DAILY, bothering the wildlife with flashlights, and getting this octopus accustomed to his. Presence.
So, he's able to bother the octopus, but unable to help it?
Why?
Because it would make for better footage. That's it. This guy's LIVELYHOOD is getting amazing footage - the more "heart wrenching" the better.
I mean, look at the way he speaks after it happens. He starts getting all pretentious on us, talking about the fragility of life, how it felt like HE was dismembered- really?
Also, he's apparently been studying octopuses and reading all about them, but then he's surprised to see her arm re-growing. Guess he didn't read about that...
After that scene happened, the documentary just left a bad taste in my mouth. And he just kept getting more and more pretentious from there. Talking about his kid, all this useless stuff no one cares about... Oh, and in the end, he invites a bunch more losers into the water to bother the habitat, so that's cool. It's a shame this footage wasn't part of an educational documentary.
Zombieland: Double Tap (2019)
Zombieland: Double Crap
This movie didn't need to exist. The charm of the first one is not found here at all. Avoid at all costs.
Trailer Park Boys: The Animated Series (2019)
Why is Trailer Park Boys still happening?
This show is soulless. Even the original show became soulless some time between season 7 or 8, but this is just garbage taken to a whole new level. This shouldn't exist. The Lahey soundboard leaves a bad taste in my mouth too. Just end it already. You had a good run- it's time to put TPB to rest.