Reviews

It is disgraceful that Paulina was nearly voted Worst Actress of the Year for this. What did the people expect from her, a song and dance routine thrown in as well? I suppose there had been a whole lot of haters involved too, most likely wannabe Tom Selleck groupies doing their envious thing.

Back in the day, this movie was a big hit with me, and certainly not because of ol' Magnum star's whiny ninny about-turn.

Look at Paulina, and then look at today's stars. Jeesh, there are total trash parading as "starz"... tattoo taxis, junkyard-made. Hollywood is in a slump! This movie, it is of course way, way, way corny in many, many places BUT it carries a certain charm, a certain innocence, a beauty in it...

In the old days, I read about the Golden Age of Hollywood. Back then, it was really still the Golden Age. Nowadays, very few bright-spark romantic comedy movies like this one pops up.

As a fan of Kristy Swanson, I saw this back in the day, and I must have been blind to how really bad it was... A long time later I became a big fan of BUFFY THE VAMPIRE SLAYER, the TV series. It's a very long time later now, watched this movie today... it's difficult to believe just how bad it really is. Kristy Swanson did a very, very poor job. Wonder if she ever, with hindsight, compared herself to Sarah Michelle Gellar? Oh, the shame!

Amazing what can be done with a doomed concept if you cast the right girl. The TV series is absolutely everything that the movie never was.

Don't waste your time watching this movie. Go for the seven seasons TV series.

Okay, so you lot say it's such a horrible movie. I say you're just being facetious. The people who would walk out of a theater would gladly rent the movie to watch it at home in private. It's like saying "SHOWGIRLS? Yuck!" but in quiet, you run home with your copy, lock all the doors, down go the blinds, eleven o'clock tonight it is happy time!"

Objectively seen, BOLERO is a beautifully-filmed movie with a fantastically beautiful star. Add the scene-stealing Olivia d'Abo and you have, well, a joyous happy time.

If the story shocks you, don't judge by American standards this Western European approach to sexual morality. Who can say what is right and wrong? Being warmly human is what is important, instead of being all prudish and saintly and holy and FAKE for in your heart, you are a WOLF in pious clothing...

I think it's a beautiful movie. And yet, you say, the worst ever? I can name you scores of movies from that time that are totally junk. This one dares to be sexy and to you, ooh, CARDINAL SIN, ooh I'll go to hell for having watched and ooh I'll burn for all eternity for I so much enjoyed so OOH better pretend I hated it.

All you pious self-conscious Holy Joes, add your dislikes to my review. Bet there's a thousand before tomorrow.

It's kind of embarrassing to watch a Rick Ashley video. That nerdy redhead bloke from the Stock Aiken Waterman days. Ah, but those days were good. Much much much better.

But I digress. In Afrikaans, that's, uh, South African Dutch, there's a saying, "dis nie die hondjie nie, dis die halsbandjie." It's not the little dog that attracts the attention, it's the little collar. Okay, I just realized the apt English counterpart, "It's not the singer, it's the song" but in this case, as The Raven, it's neither the singer nor the song... it's the lovely beach bunny in the pink outfit stripped off to reveal the yellow bikini.

Aw, when I play it now, oddly enough, Ol' Rick ain't quite as irritating as I expected him to be, but super schmaltzy sweet. Argh. Okay, back in the Eighties, I always thought, well, there you have it. Film Archie, with Rick as Archie Andrews, Kylie Minogue as Betty Cooper.

Sadly, one of her most fanatic fans bows out here. Jeez, what have we got here? The girl that once provided enthralled fans with the best music videos featuring Ke$ha's beauty and special brand of humor, that highly likable cheeky young girl... replaced by this... this... Aw, no. Aw, no. Aw, no. From Tik Tok and C'mon and Dying Young and Blow and Take It Off to this... Rainbow?

The opera isn't over until the fat lady sang. Well, the fat lady sang. It's over.

It doesn't deserve the One Star. It ranks a Big Fat Zero.

Observe the way this video ends. She's looking down, then looks up like a little puppy that made a mess. And no longer a cute puppy. She knows this offering ain't worth, uh, two specks of glitter.

Should have bowed out before this.

The animal comes alive, looking for something wild... Ke$ha and her gang taking over a deserted building and having a ripsnorting bash. Litter on the floor? And glitter on her every pore!

I wholeheartedly agree with calicodreaming, currently the only other reviewer here, that this is a perfect video for Ke$ha's song. It is now years and years later AND THEY JUST DON'T MAKE 'EM LIKE THIS ANYMORE! This one is absolutely fantastic, fun fun fun fun fun fun! Bursting with excitement! Glorious party lyrics. Wild and free! And what a beautiful girl!

Ke$ha is one of my toppermost favorites and all of her videos a feast!

You know what? This could have been a great. But it seems to have needed pimp mafia approval, include one of their rapper boy thugs or else we won't greenlight production of this. Really, why should real talent like Nicole Scherzinger require back-up by an ugly no-singing-talent dressed-like-a-pimp thug type? The song, and the flow of the video, the rhythm, everything, is broken by that big dork. Unfortunately his presence cannot be excised, he is like a big stain on what would otherwise have been very, very cute. High points for the girls, high points for the real song, minus points for the abomination ruining it all.

Answer me this: Would any female singer have been allowed to interrupt and INTRUDE UPON a black rapper?

I have seen some movies I loathe. This one takes the cake. It is the worst piece of drivel ever committed onto film I have sat through. I couldn't understand what these low-class people were saying. Such people generally would have very slack jaws from all that drinking and smoking, so it figures.

The Raven here is telling you STAY AWAY from this utter tripe. Watching paint dry now seems as exciting as a meteorite hitting Earth. Think of any fitting insult slung at a boring movie.

Like being savaged by a dead sheep.

So this one got a standing ovation eight minutes long at Cannes? Possibly because audience were so relieved DAMN THING WAS OVER.

Not a direct to video release? You mean, this ludicrous lame attempt actually played in theaters?

Complete utter waste of time.

Actually, my review stops here. Enough said. But the system (uselessly) demands more letters... to be wasted upon this unworthy trite. Okay, if it serves the purpose to deter one of you poor unsuspecting yokels out there...

I'd rather watch paint dry. Rather watch two dung beetles going at it.

The 1974 original is a classic. It's suspenseful. The 2006 version a hideous failure. This pathetic 2019 lame try, a bad trip encounter of mine here, comes from an error in downloading. I asked for the original, got it on the second try, but then gave this junk some playtime.

I did like the song, so I don't begrudge the one star I did give.

Might I suggest Camera Control in Hollywood No talent moviemakers shouldn't be allowed filming equipment ever again...

May she never work in Hollywood again!

While Reese Witherspoon's Elle comes across as irritatingly insipid, I find the Russo twins to be refreshingly charming. They have something that Reese just doesn't have (and not just because they come in stereo). I've actually watched all of these movies long ago on DVD, but have since switched to USB and am currently watching again. Years later, I'm much more critical. Storywise, the plot holes are there, but plot holes be damned, they're two very cute starlets, and I'd rather be watching them in a sequel as well (aw, never came to pass).

By the way, I play a little game while watching. Identify the twin on the screen. Besides the brighter pink / paler pink giveaway, Annie has a smaller sharper face, Izzy's is wider.

As for Mariah in this video, a high rating Her looks, her sound, all worthy of a high score. But what the hell happened here? Look, a superstar like Mariah Carey doesn't need an obvious crack addict as a backup to sell their records. Tell me, who do you think benefited from this uhm er performance? He should go hide his head in an aardvark hole. Look, I know the guy's long gone dead. But do you think he benefitted from this? Did the record sales really benefit from this? And what's worse, let's say they did. What would that have said of our society, our musical tastes? This is not even blacksploitation, it is drunksploitation. It is shameful. Mariah Carey should give every dollar she earned out of this to rehabilitation centers. I'm not sure about how this happened, but in the very first place, a powerful diva and influencer should have vetoed this hare-brained idea from the word go and shot it out of the water.

It is disgusting to see a drunken barbarian near retching over the fine qualities of a glorious talent ×1000 his own. It is shameful and everybody involved should feel utterly disgraced to their cores. If Mariah had any say in this : Respect lost!

Yes, more than a quarter of a century too late to berate this effectively.

Watching a USB download years later. I don't know what happens up ahead. I know it's all old news by now.

Up till now I've thought that Decker was really one of them too, just like Helen. I still think that might turn out to be the case.

But it came to light in here: Maddie's not really the Sheriff's daughter. He's her stepfather. And Maddie's mother is missing. She's gone on some sojourn.

So...

I haven't marked this as a SPOILER ALERT, because it's all conjecture on my part. But I'm quite sure I'm right, so don't read further if you're gonna blame me.

Maddie's mother was one of the mermaids as well. So this Sheriff married a mermaid. She has since left. Gone back. Sure to return. Big revelation at end of this season: Maddie's got mermaid blood. So, will Ben and Maddie end up having mermaid children?

Am I right?

Yeah, the classic setup. Home Alone. But not with an irritating blonde boy. No, with a lovely teenage girl. Housesitting. Now, as luck would have it, no, let me rephrase that... as misfortune would have it, she is guarding the rather stately home of obviously very wealthy people, and wouldn't you just know it, the college stalker / neighborhood prowler / master cat burglar The Hooded Intruder comes a-calling.

He has her hands tied behind her back. Now, this implausible scenario: He leaves her sitting there while he goes off to rummage through the house searching jewels and cash. Now, this girl appears bright enough to fathom that she has this excellent chance of escaping by simply making her way to the kitchen and finding a knife by reversing up against the cutlery drawer, sure thing. Okay, she might hurt herself a bit, but surely any girl in her position would be desperately willing to risk a minor injury compared to what else may lie ahead. But, no, she just ambles about struggling against her bonds. Then finally aims for the front door. Which is locked.

Celeste is a really cute girl, makes for a delectable heroine. Nothing to complain about.

Sure was fun seeing the original cast again. For the life of me I cannot understand how the original stellar group got dropped. One moment they had been fledgling stars on the way up, then, just nothing. I'm not partial to Molly RIngwald, I never missed her, but these other three, they were totally deserving of their (apparent) careers.

So, okay, there you have it. After a particularly bad start to this season, even The Raven lightens up, and awards a soft-hearted 8. I zapped that first with a broadside of lower than low scores because of, ahem, two performers irritating me, I won't mention names (but initials CL and KF cannot be resisted) and that kick-off episode with 'the supposed Winnebago' was pa-pa-pa-pathetic! But what with Stacey Q and here, the reunion, my purchase of the DVD Is vindicated.

Yeah, people, why am I even watching Season 8? Up till now had a miserable time. I abhor Cloris, come back Mrs. G! And let me not even start on the child actress that is now a brick outhouse. Okay, a lifetime ago, I had seen Seasons 2 - 4 on South African TV, and decades later, collecting glam DVD, had the show way down on my list. Nancy McKeon, yeah. But doing research, took note of what the departed Joan Rivers called the show. Which was very unflattering. Google Joan Rivers Facts of Life to find out. Good thing I took her advice. The cast went to pot.

Being The Raven, somewhat known on the IMDb message boards during the good old days when we were all interconnected (big longing sigh), I am of course that guy so gaga about the drop dead gorgeous actresses /models /singers /whatever and Stacey Q was always, always, always very high on my list, so when I learned about her appearance on the show, wow, gotta have that. Awful news though. Need Season 8. So I had to buy it. Argh. I suspected I was in for a dismal time.

I was right. Actually, it is an abysmal time.

But this episode!!! Stacey Q, lovely, lovely, lovely. Two of Hearts. She is an angel. Angel Barbie, Mattel should have taken notice.

As for Kim, no chance, no chance. Good thing Tootie gave up that ticket here. Funny she mentioned the critics. Kim, you should fear them. This one has it IN for you. Liked Little Tootie. Big Tootie is another story. Big No Talent outed as such. Going through her lines like Arnie did back then.

On a much more lenient note, the only cast member that gets a pardon, Nancy McKeon.

As for Stacey Q, you're all I want for Christmas. :)

Bella is just an incredibly beautiful girl, very exciting. One day, she opens her door for absolutely the wrong person. And in barges the hooded stalker. Who starts bossing her around. Suffice to say that things do not go very well for her. But I'm not here to talk about the story. I'm focusing on the actress. Who gives a spirited spunky performance. I've watched this one many, many times, and she's my Superbound choice. I can't help but notice that she could surely have made it in mainstream TV and movies. Her acting is better than many I have seen. The emotions she conveys, her voice, everything. She is also all natural and doesn't desecrate herself with tattoos. In short, wow! A joy to watch. Beauty, a convincing portrayal, a damsel in distress, and a rascal wearing a balaclava.

Superbound. Wow!

Granted, I'm kind of an outsider judging this show on the basis of so far having seen only the first three episodes of Season 2 (which I got on the rebound when a South African importer miserably failed to land me my order and I had to take what they did have in stock, long complicated story) but from what I've seen so far Jay is a poor poor substitute for Tom Selleck. Even the Ferrari looks like a childish schoolboy imitation of the original classic. Back in those days, cars were real cars. Okay, forget that. Jay doesn't make the grade. He's good enough to play a sidekick, that's about it. But the cast does include a major star. Perdita Weeks as the unlikely character Juliet Higgins. Yeah, a novel idea. What really hits it off, is the performance of this lady. She should have had her own TV show. MAGNUM P. I. should have been entirely reinvented as a lady detective who doesn't need the jaywalker.

To all the disgruntled Daenerys fans:

This is the story as it was meant to be. I haven't read the book and I came in late, watching on DVD long afterwards, trying to stay away from season spoilers. But way back in the third season already, I realized that Daenerys was far far far far-right and saw the world in crass black and white with no gray and no mercy. Then came the penultimate episode "The Bells" and when those bells rang to signal the city's surrender, and she crossed that line... I knew there could be no happy ending.

But if you're looking for happy endings, then you were obviously watching the wrong show. It's been patently obvious that this one would not spare anybody's feelings.

As for the undeserved low rating of this episode, it could only be because you felt cheated after rooting for this heroine for so many years. And yet, if you look back, this is such a powerful story. That sets a standard for TV to come. By which all future greatness will be measured.

So stop blaming the great genius behind this work. David and Dan and George and all the actors, a spectacular unforgettable epic performance.

It's years and years, no, decades and decades later, but half a lifetime later, I saw the series again on DVD. It is, of course, not a Hollywood production, and the storyline had to stick to the facts, this being historically accurate. But three cheers to a great cast, many, many of them not being with us anymore.

Yeah, sometimes I watch new movies, not just old TV shows and old movies. DVDs are nowadays hard to come by, and I've had to resort to downloads. Okay, so Tah-Dah! BLACK WIDOW! Big Scarlett Johansson fan, me...

But to cut a long story short, was I in for an awful letdown. Absolutely awful. Okay, some major action scenes. Good, okay. But these people... They sound like two-bit Hungarian porn stars trying to act in an American film. That is oh so off-putting. I don't like these characters. Black Widow was good enough, yeah. But the rest...

When you make a movie, the audience must be won over by the main characters. Most of the cast, almost all, I just couldn't give one little damn about. Hell of a fuss about a storm in a bucket of spilt milk.

And the sobering thought is that I am usually a guy waxing lyrical about forgotten films from long ago (well, Eighties, Nineties). This thing fails to impress. All that technology, bad idea shoots itself in the foot. Yeah, with all the marvels about nowadays, don't forget to make your effort actually likeable.

Something I read years and years ago. Measure how a person is going to be missed when you're not there anymore. FIll a bucket with water. Place your hand in the water. Retract your hand. See what the water does when your hand is no longer in the water. Just fills up the space. No missing. Life goes on.

Barbara Bel Geddes, this sure as hell doesn't apply to our favorite film grandma.

This episode is bad. It is very bad. Why the 8? Hunter Tylo. She is perfect. I'd want to wake up like that, dream angel above me.

Okay, the rest. A mish-mash of archive material from past episodes, it seems Natasha Henstridge was auditioning for Species III (no chance all these years later on), the whole stoopid thing just gets in the way of Hunter Tylo.

Awful episode. A must for Hunter Tylo fans.