Reviews

I was there and trust me - it was dark, dirty and violent - which this is not.

At first I thought "they're all too young" but remembered I was only 17 and they weren't much older when this was going on.

Eventually Rotten and McLarens impersonations were irritating - but thank goodness they were allowed to use the actual tracks.

But, it's Disney, so how bleak could it be? I just about put up with it considering it's a bland representation of one of the most important times in my life and recent music history...

I see at least 3 scripts a day better than this. Naff directing (I can only assume he is 12 years old). Clumsy editing with irrelevant fx and transitions. Basil exposition is always present and the script is banally formulaic. As for Neeson - come on Liam give the hardman a rest. Just growling won't cut it any more...

Started so well.

But it's like the scriptwriters didn't know how to end this.

I did ask myself - if Ana had not been in this - how much worse would it have been? A lot worse is the answer. Every time she's on the screen I was glued - for very primal reasons. She is ridiculously gorgeous. Ben is his usual reliable self.

If I'd have turned off at 1 hour I would've given this an 8 but the last 30 mins were comical. Just all over the place. It could've been so much better but I'd probably watch again just to see Ana's scammer wheel nuts...

Dunno who that bell end was slagging this off because of Brexit - but he deserves to go live in France along with their humour vacuum coz this is brilliant comedy. British ribaldry at its best...

I've rarely witnessed anything as pointless as the new ipcress file. I consider it to be one of the finest films ever made - Michael in his pomp and ground breaking cinematography. So in this new version they think "tip the camera sideways and it's the 60s" with short arse charisma bypass joe Cole playing Palmer. An homage to the great film would have been to make it original like the original but they've just copied it. Pathetic...

I was almost sick with suspense towards the end. It builds from tragedy to a thriller and picks up a lick. Very stylishly directed in the bleak Scottish countryside. I Loved it...

The most exciting part of this for me was when I thought the country house was the same house as in the peerless original "Sleuth" (which Law tried to remake) - imagine him returning to the same... Anyway, disappointingly - turns out it wasn't.

Much like this film as it happens - encouraged to get excited at possible plot routes then being disappointed at every turn when it peters out like a wet firework. It promises to be a horror film at one point but oh no. A redemption film the next - fraid not.

You could look at this film and 'appreciate' it has art house chops with a plot that is gloriously misleading; pushing boundaries of the genre.

But, I'm sorry - it's just badly directed and is a total horlicks of a movie.

It provides us with nothing except Jude's character is a pretentious arse. Why? He had a tricky childhood (not explained) and has not spoken to his mum for yonks (not pursued). So - so what? We all know d*#kheads like Jude's character. Just beat to avoid them don't you think?

Now don't get me wrong I'm not a meat and potatoes film fan, I like a bit of unexplained but if you're gonna go down this route then be mad - like Peter Greenaway maybe.

This is just stick in the middle without the bravery to be different and all it ends UK being is a waste of everyone's time.

Oh how I miss the great Chris Plummer. What a joy he is in this. Drawn to the screen when he is on.

It is a little gem of a movie. It's tense, well directed and the costume designer is on the top of her game.

Hanks might have survived Armageddon but I can do better - I survived the first 15 mins before turning off. Why is Tom making bad choices recently?...

Get thru the first half hour of breathtaking landscapes but horrible exposition and you are left with visceral, jaw dropping, beautiful scenes - nightmarish characters with an unintelligible plot. But there is only one word to describe it - Epic. Maybe 2 - Masterpiece - because everything is beautiful. I've never seen a film like this before. This might be Villeneuve's 2001.

... Like a good script, a beginning a middle and an end, character development, pacy editing - to name a few. This is a bin fire (no plot spoiler) of a movie. Our two lead men spend more time puckering their top lips than actually engaging with the audience and the director's "subtle" exposition is about as subtle as putting your thumb in a juice dispenser (in fact that would be preferable to watching this - far less painful). Seven it ain't. 3 was generous...

What an absolute S#*t show. Quite a good cast; but what were they thinking? Terrible terrible director presiding over bad editing and appalling performances. The only thing that is decent is quite good music.

Pulsating action, hilarious comedy and wisecracks - everyone seems to be having a lot of fun - especially Tom H and Owen W - not at our expense. The music, the fx, the gorgeous graphics and most of all the sumptuous sets (and delicious 1970s computers, furniture and gadgets) make this a stunning triumph. It's a work of art...

Occasional glimpses of special forces technique - but most of these covert goings were laughable. As for the woman who plays the (PC wedged in) black female spec forces commander (there are only now women emerging so this is ludicrous) - she just couldn't act. Scooby Doo plot - What was Guy Pearce thinking? I can only imagine he's laughing by the pool of the house in the Hollywood Hills that this Rusky American co production bought him...

This director has talent as does the lighting director. It all Looks utterly stunning. Beautiful blurred backgrounds and warm English countryside light throughout. Also - sharp as a tack (must be 5k??). Thank goodness Nicole Kidman couldn't do it - wouldn't have been able to take my eyes off her new chin. Carey Mulligan is far superior but that precocious kid of hers - oh dear. You yearn for him to grow up quick so he can be sent to war. My big beef though Is that Fiennes' makes no attempt at a East Anglian accent. He is Devonian throughout reminding me of mark Rylance in BFG. I'm from Norfolk and know his attempt is way of the mark but the Americans don't know that and will probably give him an Oscar. That is disappointing but overall it's enjoyable afternoon fayre ...

Started promisingly. Looked nice (like all Apple TV shows) but just went nowhere. The only good thing was Michelle Dockery who is fast becoming the go-to actress for all the roles. She makes the flouncy, posey Evans look like a school play lead - totally out of his depth here because the role needed a range of emotion that he just doesn't possess. It must have been in his contract that he hogs every shot. Because of this the scenes felt stifling. It was always a relief when a scene came on without him because the engagement was elevated. Evans should stick to superhero nonsense or else go and do a play and learn acting. In the end it was just silly and a few hours I will not get back...

Abysmal.

I thought this might just have a different angle for a change, making the beauty of the island very much the star. Even though it starts alright it's Soon back to the same old guff about Ibiza - clubs and drugs etc. Yadda yadda...

Having lived there, this depiction is irritating. Sure, there are plenty of drugs if you want them but a lot of people don't want them and there's stunning things to do without them.

Laura Haddock might be very pretty with the funniest name in film but she Simply can't act - ironically a very cold fish - while Daniel Mayes has the look of someone seeing kilos of a hard-earned career go down the toilet . So, it's left to the Spanish and Portuguese contingent to give adequate performances but Even they struggle to do anything with the poorly paced, often ludicrous script.

The most galling thing to an islander is passing Majorca off as Ibiza. The White Isle has a few hills in the north but certainly doesn't have mountain ranges.

I'm afraid that this Potentially good thriller has all gone horribly Pete Tong...

Caville will kill most movies. This is nasty and properly rubbish.

Great set pieces. Wonderful actors. Haunting and beautiful. It's just a shame there has to be constant mood music throughout. The sound needed to breath a bit. Oh well - I guess Chris Nolan has a lot to answer for - but I think only he and Hans can do it effectively...

All over the place. Poor old Ben Affleck. He's uncharismatic actor and an average director. But people keep giving him money. This needed a decent editor to fight against all the non sensical self indulgent "imagery" and unnecessary scenes. It did look beautiful though but really meandered badly...

...Of the house this film bought him in Malibu probably.

Laden with impending doom music (what is wrong with directors these days? The best movies - like The French connection for instance - have almost zero music. In fact the only scene I took any notice of in this horse drivel was when the sub had to be quiet) this run of the mill arse is a waste of everyone's time.

Imagine a world where Napoleon Dynamite meets Garth Merenghis Dark place. Imagine no more...

Never mind the historical inaccuracies, the dull scottish vistas, the screwed up face of Ronan desperately trying to remember a scottish accent, the gay husband (really? Didn't realise they were so understanding back then) the kid that looked Italian and grew up a year in a few days - put that to one side - as a film it was just bad. The director is from a theatre background and so the film was like a play - in a boring linear order (except for the totally uneccessary execution of MQoS at beginning) with snippets of information rammed down our throats. I didn't care for the characters and I couldn't find a message or a thread. As for the scene where Mary gives birth and we seee Queen Liz with her legs apart oozing red poppies was utterly pretentious and naff. The only good thing was Jack Lowden who is a big star waiting to happen and of course the consummate Simon Russel Beale at the end (reminding us what a good actor is). What a stinker.

From Al Pacino's stick in sideburns (cos so much plastic surgery I'm assuming?) to the naff constant mood-telling music, this is a hilarious ball of stinking Wensleydale cheese. Disjointed, badly acted (just watch when they work that from 8.30 to 11pm is 2 hours) and predictable, I have it 1 star because it was unintentionally hilarious.

What a fly infested bucket waste of the enormous talents of Robbie, Pegg and Fletcher. What were they thinking? (Of the finca farmhouse it bought them in Ibiza probs). DystopIan Beal nonsense garbage, supported by a frail 80 year old smoker walking home from Spoons strength plot of unintelligible, twerpish scenes and unoriginal transatlantic dirgealogue. After half an hour the build up of debris between my toes became more fascinating.