Change Your Image
albaitis
Reviews
Pirates of Treasure Island (2006)
Several notches below amateur. Not even "fun" bad. Just a dreadful show.
Ten lines minimum, eh. I'm not sure I can get ten lines worth of commentary on this one. The only thing that even makes sense as to how funding can be obtained for such a debacle is that it was intended to be a money losing project to bilk investors. (a la "The Producers" storyline) If that is indeed the intent (and it's probably painfully obvious to those in the know) then I have a suspicion that they may have succeeded. There oughta be a law.
Of course, "Lance Henriksen", on the box sucked me in but in the future I won't be so easily duped. In the "buyer (renter) beware" category, the simple fact that the The Asylum logo was on the box should have should have served as an, "I told ya so."
New rule: The Asylum = A nearly criminal waste of resources and time to create, view, and as I reflect, to even comment upon.
Never again.
King Solomon's Mines (2004)
Oh... Mercy
You might like this if you are into anemic, trite, space-taking, sub standard mini-series adaptations with all the excitement of a monotone review of the phone book as a literary work. I rented this on a special 2 for $1 deal.
I got burned.
And to think that I passed on an episode of Deadwood to watch this time bandit. The only redeeming aspect of this non-event is the cinematography. And still only a small percentage of it was above average.
You would think that I would, by now, be a bit more discerning and not simply grab a movie because the one I wanted was unavailable. I'll consider this bad choice as the equivalent of a spanking for playing in the mud.
Ablaze (2001)
Beyond the pale... Godless
Although I have been a firefighter for 23 years, I make it a point to not be overly critical when the technical "advisors" drop the ball as they so often have (even on Backdraft and Ladder 49). However, the absolute disregard for any reasonable correctness in this abomination is unforgivable.
But the firefighting aspects aside, this movie to date stands alone as the worst that I have ever seen. Ever. I accept some of the blame for not ejecting the thing but it was like a train wreck. I could not look away.
As we all can attest, some movies by virtue of their awfulness can be fun. (i.e. Ed Wood's side-splitting "Plan-9 From Outer Space") This was not one of them. "Ablaze" is one of the many Hollywood debacles that must beg the question, "where do they get the money?".