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13 Reasons Why (2017)
Netflix Apparently Bought 100k 10* Reviews
There is no other sane explanation as to why something this bad has rating of 8.6/10 after 103,643 reviews, yet majority of actual top rated reviews here and everywhere else tend to give it 1-3 stars out of 10.
If you care about spoilers, stop reading here, then read after you see it. Otherwise maybe I can save you few hours you will not get back.
First thing that bothers me is that cast are miscast terribly. Pretty much all male actors are extremely feminine/gay acting. Its just too much. Its difficult to pretend that its typical high school setting and that these guys are interested in girls when they so obviously are not."Attractive" might be in the eye of beholder, but nobody in this show was over 6/10 looks wise. I don't know about your experiences in high school but I cannot imagine setting where 20 gay guys are sexually harassing girl who is 4/10 at best ("Hannah Baker", who should never be in anything resembling main role, and could afford to lose 30 pounds).
Second, 14 episodes and guy cant finish listening total of 6 to 8 hours of audio. Are you kidding me? If my best friend offed themselves and I got 8 hours of audio, I'd be listening to full 8 hours right away. I can see how some people might set them aside and not listen at all, or listen at a later date, but NOBODY is going to listen to them 5 minutes at a time.
Finally, thing that bothers me personally the most is how idiotic approach this show takes towards rather serious issue like suicide. During my time in primary and high school we had total of 9 suicides, one murder suicide, and one honor killing. This TV show glorifies suicide, they actually seem to try to make it sound cool, which should get most people angry. As much as I'd like to defend bad taste as art, this one is too stupid, and too boring to defend it in any way. Quite frankly, its simply project that should have never been made, it adds no value, and it will be forgotten soon.
Sacrilege (2017)
IMDb should Be cracking down on fake ratings. This movie deserves a ZERO.
I repeat:
IMDb should Be cracking down on fake ratings. This movie deserves a ZERO. ZEEEROOO!!!
There is literally nothing redeeming for me to say about this. I've seen better films posted by students for free on YouTube, made by volunteers with no budget at all.
The only think I found passably done was the box cover. Props to whoever did that as it caused me to pick up this ... cmon, its not even a movie, its bunch of people who cant act, directed by someone who cant direct, with script perhaps written by someone falling asleep.
The Shelter (2015)
What A Bunch Of Crap!
Michael Parre should set up Go Fund Me if he is starving. I think I'd rather donate to feed him then see him in "films" like this.
John Fallon I've never heard of prior to this nonsense, but he should find something else to do with his life. Maybe be a preacher.
At time of me writing this there is only one other review, and that person is rating it an 8/10. I guess if it was fake review it would probably have given it a 10/10, so maybe someone genuinely liked this.
We have 75 minutes of Michael Parre playing a lunatic homeless person who is behaving like he just overdosed on bath salts. For some crazy reason (maybe I missed how he got it) at one point this homeless guy has a loaded gun which he proceeds to fire in house he broke into. The entire movie plays like LSD trip. A bad trip. Its filled with unexplained nonsense, characters who appear, disappear, are never explained, and in all honesty my attention drifted. I had it playing on one of my three monitors while working on other two, and I quite possibly missed few bits of explanation at some point, maybe, but I doubt it.
The sole reason I endured this to the end is just to see if there is any legitimate reason not to give it a 1/10, I like Parre and I would prefer to rate things hes in bit higher, but ... this film is just bad. Not so bad its good, just plain bad, boring, nonsense about God.
We are in 2016 people. Its obvious to anyone sane there is no "God" and there never was. Get a life!
Tiger Raid (2016)
Awesome!
This is kind of film where you just gotta use words such as "powerful" and "gripping". It has several very genre breaking plot twists and it was extremely refreshing experience after all the crappy AAA titles I saw this year.
Film has only 4 characters. One of those 4 is in it for less than 10 seconds. Over 90% of screen time is just two guys ... talking. And if someone described this film to me that way I might not even have seen it. So, let us add that both guys are neurotic psychopathic killers, and rapists, who keep switching from close partners to trying to murder each other over and over.
Throughout the film you really want to side with each of them at different points and its hard to decide which one, or perhaps both, or neither, should survive in the end. And just when you almost make up your mind, third character enters to complicate things further.
Its a must see movie.
Just see it.
Bus Driver (2016)
Decent B Budget Flick
Best thing I can say about this film is that, unlike Suicide Squad and new Ghostbusters, I finished it without fast forwarding.
Its low budget. It overuses rewind few minutes to show things from different perspective too much for my taste. Acting is notch below what I would have liked. The "pretty girl" is slightly too plain for role she got (although her breasts get a 10/10).
But then film has that 80's B Budget vibe and one can easily see that people had fun making this. I've never seen any of actors in this film in anything else, which is a good thing, as when you watch actor who you know always survives, or always dies, or just generally gets typecast, that entire "new car smell" is not there. I simply expected a far below average film, yet got entertaining experience, so I am rating this above most AAA Hollywood garbage I saw this year.
Interrogation (2016)
A Solid Movie
I am not a fan of WWE in general, nor of their films, although I did know who Edge was. So I honestly expect a bad movie. And first ten minutes of so signaled a bad movie. Edge simply does not do a good inner monologue.
But then film picked up. And quickly! Some action, some psychology, not usual Hollywood paint by numbers nonsense script.
By the middle of the film I had no idea where it was going, nor how it was going to end. Then it ended, and I thought it was lame ending, ... except it kept going, past lame ending, and into greatness.
I really do not want to spoil this film for anyone, but I advise you to see it once. Push past bad intro, and slightly slow part around middle, and watch it for 3/4 of film that is really solid.
I really liked the actual ending.
The Adventures of Hajji Baba (1954)
Just Awful!
10 minutes into a film main actress goes into entire speech about being innocent and not knowing about love, and says "I am 17 and not married, so and so got married at 14". I thought she was 30+. So, I go and look up who she is, when she was born, what year movie is from and at time of filming she was 25, looking 30+. Playing a 17 year old which supposedly behaves like she is 12. Just ... too bizarre for me.
That kills it for me. While sometimes performance is great and I can ignore nonsense like this, in this films case there is no depth. It appears to be very cheaply done knockoff of Ali Baba, with unattractive, untalented cast.
Main male character similarly is near middle aged, playing a child. Most of remainder of male cast behave like they are all homosexual, while rest of female cast are all in 20's but acting like maybe set of 13 year old schoolgirls.
Really weird film. Its supposed to be some kind of comedy/adventure, but its neither, its just garbage.
Crush the Skull (2015)
Maybe You Need To Be A Drug Addict To Like This
Main character is by far one of the most unlikeable, stupid, ignorant, people I have ever seen. And that would be fine, except whoever wrote this crap is trying to make that main character look like he has intelligence.
There is ridiculous amount of anti-white male racism here, and anti-police, anti-government, anti-wealth propaganda, really this is like typical black ghetto film about bunch of stupid criminals, except replace black people with Asians. Its insulting to any sane persons intelligence.
Even setting is obviously imagined by someone utterly ignorant about things they are attempting to portray. Palladium plated windows are not bulletproof. Apparently people involved in making of this garbage think they are. Even actually bulletproof window will rupture if you fire several bullets at essentially same spot. Concrete walls do not mean you cannot crack them in a matter of 30 minutes with primitive makeshift tools.
How is anybody intelligent supposed to believe that these four idiots are trapped inside a house when a child could free himself out of it?
And it just gets worse from there ...
Saints & Strangers (2015)
If These People Go To Heaven, I Want To Go To Hell
Its very rare to see a show where every single character is just so unlikeable.
Only reason I'm giving it 2 stars instead of one is Ray Stevenson. There, guy is worth a full star on his own. Loved him in Rome.
We are talking 3 hours of nonstop nonsense about God until I have urge to go find this God and torture him, than slay him.
I found it utterly impossible to enjoy bad accents, badly written story, horrible camera work, its like people filming this never did anything else.
Every single shot is off. Its never centered closeup. Its always either wobbly camera, or closeup is weirdly partial with guy aiming somewhere mid chest filming face from eyes down. Its just ... really weird.
Maybe this could have been decent if better person wrote it, directed it and ... yeah, its just garbage.
10,000 BC (2015)
How Can ANYONE give this better than 1/10 ?!
I watched this because it was supposed to be about survival. An anthropological experiment regarding lives of people approximately 10 thousand years ago. Instead, what it is ... a bad UK version of melodrama fake reality TV?
How is it 'survival' when they give them guaranteed clean, modern water, socks, heavy duty boots ... all the while saying 'we are making you live like we think humans lived in the STONE AGE'. What stone age human had mountaineering boots designed for ultimate comfort?
If this was USA made at least they script fake reality OK. But this show seems to have been written and produced by someone utterly incompetent who is just about furthest thing from either history buff or survival expert. Its utter boring nonsense.
Dying Light (2015)
Why best score I can give this game is a 1.
This is a very mediocre title at best. This includes The Following Xpac.
First of all main reason it gets a 1 instead of a 5 is because they CHOSE not to fix a game ending bug. I bought this game twice. Once early on, and then when I got to around 60% game completion this game ending bug reset me to 22%. So, I read up on forums, fix was incoming, whatever, never came, I traded game off.
Fast forward maybe 2 years and I pick up Following Edition with all the bells and whistles. I start from beginning, get again to around 60% ... again game resets itself to 22%. This is on a different computer, different edition of the game, so that means they simply chose not to fix the issue.
I'm out $120, and they, Techland, are out a customer forever. I'm never paying a single dime for another one of games this company makes. If I really feel I must play something they make, I'll play, but I wont be buying. I vote with my money.
It has some of the WORST writing and story I have ever seen, and I have been a hardcore gamer for over 30 years. Characters are even less likable than in Dead island. Thats epic achievement. To create world full of people I'd happily murder ... problem is that instead my character is a gofer, a slave, an idiot really, who has extremely low IQ to a point that his moral compass is as if hes high on crack or meth.
In one side quest main character is complaining about a guy who I feel deserves Father Of The Year Award and siding, for no sane reason, with stupid, worthless, mother who would have killed her own child because of her own cowardice.
In most of the other side quests point appears to be how unfun can you make player feel. Like endless climbing up, only to find out that getting back down was not something they thought of, so I guess they expect you to suicide repeatedly. If I climb UP something, then climbing DOWN should be similar experience. Instead there is no game mechanic to drop down safely. You can jump UP to grab a ledge, but jumping DOWN to grab a ledge ... just is not there.
Its like whoever designed parkour in this game never actually tried it. Oh, I'm sure they had someone demonstrate few moves, but the SPIRIT of it, its not there.
Overall, this games novelty factor is entirely in parkour. And if that wears off as fast for you as it did for me as I do it IRL and I found it badly done here, then whether or not you experience same game stopping bug I did, there is really no reason to play this garbage.
Nae-bu-ja-deul (2015)
Too Stretched Out!
Story itself is fairly boring, tired, overdone, practically cliché corporate corruption nonsense. The kind of film nobody needs to be making in a market flooded with far superior choices.
Then it goes from bad to worse.
Bad camera angles, horrid lighting, predictable ending. Frozen acting, emotionlessly delivered lines.
I'd actually give it a 3/10, basically +1 point for each of two scenes I found passable, but too many obviously fake reviews making this films score 7.1 force me to lower mine to counteract abuse of rating system here.
Masterless (2015)
Garbage! Lol!
This movie has no redeeming qualities at all. Its insulting by merely existing. It very well might be the WORST film with most incompetently ridiculous acting I've seen in a long time.
Its not bad in that "ok great this film is so bad we will watch it and laugh at how bad it is" way. Or bad in that "great thing to pop in to watch when you really want something to put you to sleep". No, this is bad in that "oh, gee, I was feeling really, really great today, and I really want to ruin few hours so that rest of my day can be filled with regret" kind of way.
I've seen student, no budget films that look like Oscar winning AAA Hollywood productions compared to this garbage. Horrible writing, acting lines delivered by people who would get boo'd in a school play performed by 6 year olds.
Penny Dreadful (2014)
Dreadful
It would be a 1/10 if it had lower production values and unknown cast.
Pilot was meh. First half was decent, second half progressively got lame.By the time we get to see Frankenstein and his "monster" this was barely watchable. But I kept watching next episode with hopes that it might get better as there really was not all that much left to get worse.
But no. It did get worse. I like Billie Piper but this might be her worst acting ever. Her accent is ridiculous.I think she was trying to go for Dublin Irish, but for whatever reason she keeps going in and out of that accent into couple other ones randomly and the end result is just incoherent mess.
Its like they got someone who is into anime to do Gothic Horror and I am not into those long emotionally deranged scenes of watching persons face as they look like they really need to go poop.
Really too bad as I was looking forward to this.
Addicted to Sexting (2015)
Horrible.
If you are into over the hill sub-average women flashing breasts, you might enjoy this crappy documentary.
If you actually learn something new and interesting watching this, you just might be the first person ever to pull that off. Entire thing is loaded with boring, monotone voices from people who look like they are out of work, desperate, and mostly past prime, actors.
If you ran add on Craigslist, for free, and asked for people to come be part of your documentary, for free, you could still get better selection than this.
It is not going to teach you anything you couldn't read in a badly written article on sexting, it is not going to show you better breasts than any amateur cam girl site will for free, I cannot find a single reason for anyone to watch this at all.
The Wrong Car (2016)
Its OK
If it was less filled with feminist nonsense I'd give it a 5/10. So if that aspect does not bother you, then you can consider it average, forgettable, but not really bad movie.
OK, now bit of spoilers.
When main girl is supposedly raped, too little is shown. Its just a fade from her in a car, to her waking up in a hotel room. Information given on medication found in her system is also misleading. She would have remembered face from before drug effect took hold as it only affect very short term memory. Red herrings are also very badly placed as, again, she would know if it was someone she recognized. Combined that makes film lot less fun, for me, as it cheapens entire experience.
This film could have been so much better with just few minor changes. Acting was excellent, shots were perfectly filmed, but weaknesses in screenplay ruined its potential. It was worth seeing anyway.
99 Homes (2014)
This could have been a 10, ...
... but I am obligated to give it just a 1 as moral of the story is just idiotic, main character is worthless wimp that does not deserve to be alive, much less be given a trusted position in business as a second in command.
OK, now, spoilers coming.
Film is solely about how sad it is that folks are losing their homes. Problem is that writer and/or director missed out on many, many, many opportunities to EDUCATE average imbecile who goes around borrowing money he cant pay back and instead lays blame on the banks and real estate agents.
Only in one short scene it is mentioned that person borrowed 25,000 to make addition to home that was extravagant.
But, if you are in debt to an extent where you can no longer afford your home, and you wait until they come to remove you, there is no other way to describe you except as an idiot.
Eviction procedures take minimum of 3 to 6 months. Before they even begin you need to miss three mortgage payments. There are far more laws protecting home owner than there are protecting tenants and yet even tenants who quit paying rent entirely still get to hang out for 3 months or so til you can get them removed.
So we are talking about 3-6 months time for folks to get their affairs in order, or relocate someplace cheaper. But instead of seeing their end results as sheer human stupidity, ... we should say "oh evil banks and real estate agents"? Why? You borrow money, you need to pay it back. If you cant, too bad for you.
If you don't want to end up like losers portrayed in this film, then don't live above your means, learn how to save money and don't have children you obviously cannot afford.
I have no sympathy nor mercy for fools.
The Last Run (2004)
Unfunny Nonsense
OK, spoilers abound, so don't read if you care.
Normally I'd give film like this 5/10 as its lame attempt at comedy. Reason it gets 1/10 is because its obviously written, produced and directed by those clueless about strip clubs, sex industry and PUA in general.
As some might have guessed from my name I am the guy who made fortune from PUA over last decade, and if you've read any of those books you know I used to own strip clubs in both USA and Canada. I am only mentioning this to show that I am more than qualified to write this and be right.
Whores do not cost thousands of dollars. An A-grade porn star in her prime might. A stripper who works any day other than Friday and maybe Saturday night is broke and needs cash. She will not say line such as 'I don't leave club for under a thousand'.
In each strip club, out of 10-20 girls working there during a shift, only few are making good money. Rest are getting scraps. Top strippers in top clubs rarely make a thousand on best nights of their lives. In this film, every ugly girl is charging thousands. In one scene two repulsively unattractive women show up, and guy pays them 400 bucks a piece.
While main actor was perfect fit for 'Boy Meets World' fact that he never got chick playing Topanga IRL should make it obvious that girls do not dream about guys like him. So one of very few attractive women in film, a bartender, would be highly unlikely to give him pity sex.
Main issue I have with this film is that it feels like it was either made by feminists, or guys who cant get laid and are too stupid to get some any other way than tossing thousands of dollars at ugly girls I'd not do if they paid me.
Understand this: women are cheap and easy. Only ugly women who no man wants set higher standards, as they know nobody wants them anyway, so they can at least pretend they are worth something.
This movie sucks.
Fury: The Tales of Ronan Pierce (2014)
This Is Just Unwatchable
Its plain awful.
Script is just terrible.
Acting is maybe OK for a first year student film, which this does not appear to be.
Story is extremely predictable nonsense. Which I do not really mind in a B film, but its just so badly done here that it's like pouring on salt onto a burned meal.
Characters are not believable.
Film is also very insulting to all women out there. Main character is supposed to be on a rampage vs woman beaters of some kind, but it comes off as a guy who could not get laid even with a prostitute having a fantasy about being a misogynistic chauvinistic friendless (he actually has one 'friend' he yells at, which would never work) sociopath.
Yeah, we suspend disbelief quite a bit to enjoy movies sometimes, but this one requires being probably high on drugs to enjoy.
Pay the Ghost (2015)
Garbage
Don't read this if you do not want to read spoilers.
Film is 1 hour and bit over 30 minutes.
First 17 minutes nothing happens.
Then kid goes missing.
Next thing that happens is at 57 minutes in where some chick is tossed up by invisible force against the wall.
This is quite possibly one of the most boring films I ever watched.
Cage is the ONLY reason why I stuck it out instead of just tossing it by 20 min mark.
About only thing worse than this nonsense are found footage films. This actually might be worse than those too.
Really atrocious film.
Bloodsucking Bastards (2015)
Loved it!
I was actually going to rate it 7/10 until Matthew Lillard cameo. Up until that point it was still very good, but the horror part was trailing behind comedy. Lillard by himself is worth at least extra rating point for every film he was ever in.
But then it all comes together and its satisfactory experience. Which, for a B movie is great for me as I am type that tends to rate stuff low, especially if its too hyped up and loaded with fake reviews.
This is a kind of movie you keep to use for a first date, especially if you, like me, have average of 3-5 first dates a week.
And if you ever worked with or in boiler room telemarketing operation, there are few scenes that are pure comedy gold.
Do yourself a favor and see this movie. Either with a date who has sense of humor, or with friends and a pizza.
Big Eyes (2014)
This is just crap
I like Tim Burton, but this is just unlikable film.
I felt badly for Keane and found myself wishing he'd just kill his wife throughout entire movie. The Keane's wife is one of the least likable,low morality, no charisma characters I've ever seen. Trumped only perhaps by character of her daughter.
Script reads as if it was written by a man hating feminazi. I am not familiar with 'true story' behind this, as I'm not into kitch like this'art', had to actually Google Margaret Keane to to see what supposedly real story is all about.
There is just no grounds on which i could ever recommend this film to anyone. Its shocking that its Tim Burton ... just wow.
The Voices (2014)
Brilliant Dark Comedy
I would rate it a 7 if it was not for Ryan Reynolds exceptional performance. And Lisa.
I'd give it an 11 if I could keep Lisa. Preferably alive.
This is one of those films where quality goes up and down from scene to scene like a roller coaster. Except that in this case its somehow appropriate and fitting because it is about a mental illness. In some scenes you see Ryan's character not take med's and what things really look like, and then you understand why he stops taking them.
This would have made for a probably OK B-budget horror slasher. Story is far superior to most cheap horrors. But it was a stroke of genius to make it a comedy instead.
Hacker's Game (2015)
Insult to Hackers everywhere
They could have at least had actual hacker consulted while making this garbage. Or even a competent script kiddie.
This film is what happens when people decide to make a film about something they know nothing about, using negative stereotyping (hacker just HAS to be a virgin, because, you know, no way above average individuals can be socially and technologically apt at the same time. Nonsense!).
Writing is terrible, acting is atrocious, just ... none of these people can act. This is more like something you accidentally see on YouTube for free, and most likely do not actually waste your life watching it beyond scanning through.
And its not even one of those 'so bad, we can laugh' films either. Its more like ... watching a comedy about Holocaust. Thats how offensive this film should be to any legitimate hackers out there.
PASS.
Summer of Blood (2014)
Pure Genius!
Normally I give 1/10 to majority of very low budget films because I believe that if you are going to do something, do it right, or just don't do it at all.
This one gets 10/10. Writing is brilliant. Character development is exceptional. Story is just perfect.
Main character has a personality that will rub a lot of people the wrong way, but that is because they have neither sense of humor nor understand that its masterful portrayal of what lot of guys out there are really like. Whether you ever see that side or not simply depends on how well do you know them. Just ask my friends and exes.
And while this will obviously sound like overenthusiastic fake review, its as real as it gets.
See this film, and if you did not like it, get better sense of humor.