Change Your Image
johnmcd1234
Ratings
Most Recently Rated
Lists
An error has ocurred. Please try againReviews
Neverlake (2013)
This Movie is Garbage
It's hard to talk about this movie without giving away the ending, so spoilers to anyone who wants to see this movie (which is probably nobody).
The story revolves around Jenny, who is staying with her father and step mother in Italy (even though the majority of people in this movie are British). We start to get little bits of information as the movie progresses but it all has to do with the lake in the middle of the woods. Jenny meets a bunch of orphans and she visits them regularly in secrecy. But we learn there might be something sinister in the lake, something that might want to get Jenny...
Oh no wait, turns out the creepy octopus monster in the lake has nothing to do with the story at all. The father is the real villain because he was using Jenny this whole time to harvest her organs so that he could save his first daughter, and the orphans are actually Jenny's siblings and the father has Jenny's mother tied up in the orphanage and didn't actually die. Oh, and apparently he removed statues from the lake and through stones into it so that the magic of the lake can save the dying daughter. Also one of the orphans is a handsome boy who can summon the octopus lady for some reason. Also the orphans are ghosts. Or not, they really didn't explain that part of the movie very well.
So, let's get right down to it, the ending makes no sense. Why didn't the father just ask Jenny to donate her organs, she seemed like a nice girl, she'd probably do it. Why did Jenny need to retrieve the stones and statues? Why couldn't the ghosts do that? We see that the ghosts can infiltrate people's dreams and crave drawings into walls with nothing, so who's to say they can just float into the house, take the statues, through them into the lake, float down to the bottom of the lake and retrieve the stones? Also, why was the Octopus Lady trying to scare Jenny this whole time if she was a benevolent spirit? And why did the father need Jenny and the Orphan's organs if he has a magical lake to save the dying daughter? Can't the "magic" cure the illness she has? And why didn't it? Why did he need the organs? And were we really supposed to be happy when the Jenny gets the last stone and kills the poor girl? She didn't do anything wrong, I feel more bad for the father than Jenny and those dumb orphans. This movie promised so much and yet delivered so little. This is not the worst movie I've seen, but it definitely has the worst ending. I'll give three stars for the great cinematography, but's that's about it. The acting is wooden, the writing is bland, and the story is awful.
The Oogieloves in the Big Balloon Adventure (2012)
This needs to stop
I've been reading the reviews for this movie on this website, and most of them point out that despite it's overwhelming negative reception and many people giving it poor reviews, the rating is shockingly high. But what's fascinating/horrifying is that it's increasing. As of me writing this, it is now at 7.3. No. Just... No. This needs to stop. I do not know what's causing this to happen, but it needs to stop. This site and rotten tomatoes are the main review sites people go to, which is why this needs to stop, because that, my friends, is lying. False advertisement. For normal movies, I won't care, but for a kids movie, very young kids I might add, I feel like I deserve to join in the crusade of taking down this movie. So, if my statement isn't obvious enough, let me simplify it for you parents who are reading this. DO NOT SHOW THIS TO YOUR KID! That's it. Don't show this to your kid, and IMDb is full of crap.
Midnight Screenings: ParaNorman/The Oogieloves in the Big Balloon Adventure (2012)
Why more people need to see this review...
Since The Oogieloves IMDb page is littered with bots spamming 10/10 reviews on that terrible, terrible, movie, it's important to know that the best way to get an honest opinion about a movie is to actually hear it from someone who saw it and can point out what's right, or in this case, wrong with the movie. Brad Jones is one of my favorite Internet personalities and his Midnight Screenings are a big reason why. He's a funny guy who can tell the difference between good movies and bad movies and can make funny reviews thanks to his comedic talent. So what I'm trying to say is, don't trust IMDb, trust this guy, or at the very least, an honest film critic, not some paranoid mother or bot.
The Phantom of the Opera (1989)
I Just Don't Know...
Okay, after giving the movie the twenty four hour treatment, I feel like I can comment on it. To be honest, I don't know what to think of it. I am a huge Phantom of the Opera fan, but it's obvious this doesn't hold a candle to the book, the silent film or the musical, so the changes didn't really tick me off. The point of the movie is that it's a slasher movie using the Phantom as it's source material. Okay... The Phantom arguably already a slasher movie, but I guess the creators wanted a more bloody slasher film. But that's not the problem, the problem is that they leave out stuff that could work and includes stuff that doesn't. I'm not giving anything away by revealing that the whole movie is told through flashback, with the true main setting being modern day New York, but that stuff doesn't fit. If it was a modern retelling of the Phantom, then it would make sense, but it's not, so it's really pointless. How the Phantom got deformed is another odd and out of place element the creators decided to put in, which I won't spoil, but let's just say there's now more to his name than "Phantom". But the one thing that, as a Phantom and a slasher movie fan, that made me slam my foot down was the fact that there's was no chandelier drop in this movie! That would fit the movie perfectly, seeing how it's main goal is to kill as many fictional people as possible. But I guess that's just a nit pick. So I'll end my review by stating what I like. Robert England and the rest of the actors and actresses are great. The make up, sets, and costumes are great. And it does have atmosphere and follow the events of the original book almost accurately. It's just the things they left out and put in that really bugs me. But watch it for yourself and make your own decision.
Darkness Falls (2003)
Yes, it is that bad
There is nothing enjoyable about this movie. This movie's idea of scaring you is throwing as many jump scares at you as possible, whenever there's a moment of silence in the film, when there's no music to tell you what to feel, it's because it's leading up to a jump scare. It pulls the typical ghost story bull crap where the ghost kills someone and the police think the guy did it but the guy keeps telling everyone that ghost did it, but nobody believes him because ghosts don't exist. Most bad horror movies only do this scenario once, but they do it at least three times in this movie. That's only the tip of the iceberg of how awful this movie is, but I'm afraid to get anymore detailed for it could be "spoilers" (Even though you can spoil something that's already rotten). Take my word for it, avoid this movie. Don't fall for these "oh, the movie isn't that bad" or "such an entertaining movie" bull crap reviews, because these people don't know what they are talking about. Take it from someone who has to watch horror movies, this is one of the worst. Yes, there are far worst movies, but that doesn't mean this gets a free pass. It's crap, it's painful to watch, and if you really don't mind the painful moments, it's just a bore.
Psycho (1960)
Knowing the Twist Doesn't Ruin the Movie
The rule of thumb for any movie, good or bad, is to never give away the ending, especially if there is a twist at the end, and Psycho has the biggest twist ending in any movie. But the reason why this movie is so great is that, by the way it's shot, paced, acted and filmed, the twist still shocks you, even when you know it. That's the magic of Hitchcock's directing, that his movies can't be spoiled because all the scenes work together perfectly. The shower scene is one of the most parodied and copy scenes in movie history, and yet watching this movie, and experiencing everything that happened before it, the scene is able to shock you. I won't give away the ending, but if you do know the ending, don't think the movie has been spoiled for you, in my opinion, this movie is impossible to spoil.
Death of a Ghost Hunter (2007)
Death of Your Two Hours
There are many things that will take you out of a movie, bad writing, bad acting, bad story, and overall bad cinematography. This movie has it all, except for one thing, actual horror.
The movie starts off trying to sell you the typical horror movie lie; "This really happened, the following events were real events!" No, they're not. Nothing in real life could be as dull as this. Then we are greeted to what feels like an eternity of narration by our main lead, who explains to us everything she sees, to the point you want to scream "Yes I know you are looking at a bird cage, I can see that, you don't need to tell us!" After that, we are introduced to the other characters, a comic relief, a bimbo, and, of course, a cartoon character Christian, who, like all cartoon character Christians, are huge stick in the muds that have to ask Jesus if it's okay for them to poop or not. And whoever directed this movie choose the finest actors the dump had to offer, with delivery that rivals that of audio book narrators (not the good ones).
So let's get down to the biggest problem with the movie. It's not that the story is crap, or the characters are bland and cliché, or that the actors aren't trying; the biggest problem is, it's boring. The only thing that can get you through it is making fun of how bad it is, and even then it's still cringe worthy and the scenes of them just doing nothing but "ghost hunting" leave you with nothing; nothing to make fun of and nothing for you to be interested in.
So, if you're one of those people who like really bad movies, this is kind of in your alley, but if you want a suspenseful, scary ghost movie, I recommend Poltergeist. (Mainly because there's a scene in Death of a Ghost Hunter where the main character gags with disgust after some mentions the latter, I guess she's allergic to good movies).