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Dodo (2021)
A funny show with real heart
I stumbled across this program while my daughter stumbled between reruns of Mr Bean and Scooby Doo, and I've become a little bit obsessed with it. For anyone who grew up in the English education system it's almost painfully familiar, evoking the mind-bending highs and desperately crushing lows of an average day in the life of a 12 years old - a time when the slightest inconvenience such as an embarrassing dad can mean the *literal end of your life*, or where sharing a plate of chips with your crush can make you feel invincible.
Kids of a certain age will enjoy the silliness and hopefully learn that embarrassment isn't a terminal disease, whilst grownups will smile as they recognise a very nascent version of themselves.
ReBoot: The Guardian Code (2018)
An utterly average show which rips off too many other shows (usually badly)
First of all, I would like to clarify that I am a big fan of the original ReBoot. Having said that, and despite the (many) negative reviews I had seen online, I went into this with hope, willing to give the show a fair chance.
Oh dear.
First, the positives (what few there are); the voice actor for Megabyte, although certainly no Tony Jay (RIP), gives a good crack at the villain and only loses it a few times when he gets a bit excited. Likewise, the design and voice for Hexadecimal are spot on.
The young actors portraying the Guardians are also not bad and give a decent performance given the conditions they are working under (see below).
Now, onto the bad...
The writing is poor, the dialogue cliched, the premise lazy, the graphics basic, the pacing completely off, the plots paper-thin and the use of nonsensical technobabble both numerous and painful.
The main villain, the Sourcerer (see what they did there?), looks like a crackhead living in warehouse full of long-forgotten Radio Shack stock. You can tell he's evil by the way he wears a scratty hoodie and has dirty, ragged fingernails. He wants to destroy the WORLD (mwuhahaha!) because Reasons, and wants to do it by using technology to destroy all technology (eh?). He uses Dark Code, a ludicrous plot device so-named in order to sound edgy to 11-year-old boys, and seems unaware that if he succeeds he'll have destroyed his own powerbase. Honestly, this guy is a cardboard cut out grab-bag collection of random 90's villain tropes squashed together with all the emotional depth of a flowerpot.
The total misunderstanding over how technology works is breath-taking. Some of this can be forgiven in the interests of artistic license (such as being transported into cyberspace, Tron-style) but other things are just bizarre; no, you can't use weather satellites to create a hurricane - thats like thinking you can get ice cream out of your computer by going to the Ben and Jerrys website.
The young actors, while giving a decent performance, struggle with their one-size-fits-all stereotypes; The Sassy Tech-Girl, the Jock under pressure to win, the Nerd who can't get the girl, the Leader with Doubts (TM) about his ability to Lead. The obvious parallels with all the other "Four American Teens Save The World" shows, all of which The Guardian Code manages to rip off without much success (and certainly no originality), demonstrate that theres nothing new here, just lazy writing. The Nerd even has the code name "Googz", as if he doesn't have enough on his plate.
On to the premise: ReBoot in the 90's was ground-breaking, the first fully CGI show ever. It might look a bit ropey now, but in its heyday it really did push the boundaries of what a computer could do and paved the way for Pixar, Dreamworks and the rest by showing that full CGI was viable.
The Guardian Code does not break much ground. In fact it just sits in in a sandpit and dribbles.
The producers take great pains to point out that it is the first TV show to use the Unreal 4 engine, but that's like saying they've invented the first steam-driven space shuttle - well done and all, but it's just not up to the job. In addition, the focus of the original show was it was all set inside a computer - it anthropomorphised your PC, creating a whole universe inside that little box under your desk and fired the imagination. TCG takes most of that and throws it out of the window, shamelessly ripping off the excellent Code Lyoko (and the less-excellent Zixx) by introducing the real world as the main focus. All of this takes the show into the realms of Saturday Morning TV filler, good only for selling a few toys and padding the schedules.
But what really grinds with me (and most other fans) is the blatant "Eff You" in Episode 10. Michael Hefferon, the man behind the show, obviously wanted to sell his knock-off Power Rangers off the back of an established IP and promised to do the original justice - in doing this he was obviously hoping to get the original fans on board, perhaps even get them watching the show alongside their kids. What the fans got was a massive middle finger, portraying them as sad, fat and lonely 30-something neckbeards living in their mothers basement surrounded by nerdy toys.
At the end of the day it's a bog standard, by-the-numbers Teen Hero show that might hold a 6 year olds attention while he eats his fruit loops. Just dont believe the company shills that have rated it 10/10; I can almost guarantee they either work for, or are related to someone who works for, Rainmaker Entertainment.
As a final comparison, imagine if someone bought the rights to Winnie the Pooh then decided to reboot the series.
Set in Everytown, USA, Winston Pool, a conflicted rich boy struggling with a distant father, hangs out at The Hundred Acre Shopping Mall with his friends Peter Iglet, an anxious computer nerd, Eve Yore, a sarcastic rock chick and Leroy Tiger, a hyperactive jock. After a few episodes dealing with drug abuse, first heartbreaks and family breakdowns, one episode has the four friends go to a fancy dress party dressed as a bear, a pig, a donkey and tiger. At the end of the episode they all decide that the costumes were stupid and childish, and go for a burger instead.
Hurts, doesn't it?
The War of the Worlds (2005)
Oh, dear Lord in Heaven...
I have just lost three hours of my life to this travesty, and I can honestly say I feel violated. I had read the reviews and heard the warnings, and I thought I was prepared for anything - at best I thought, a faithful (if misguided) attempt at an original adaptation; at worst, a so-good-it's-bad "Plan 9" for the new millennium. So when I managed to pick up a copy in Walmart while in Florida and brought it back to the UK, I joked to my friends "Prepare for the worst movie ever made!" Oh, cruel Karma. There is absolutely NOTHING to recommend this film. The "special" effects look like the work of a first year design student using a Spectrum ZX81. The acting is terrible, the accents are WORSE than terrible (one artillery mans' accent seems to take us on a tour of the British Isles, from Scotland to Wales via Northern Ireland), the dialogue is stilted, the editing is non-existent, the production values prove that no expense has been gone to. Words really cannot describe how bad this movie is; from the Union Flag flying from the horribly CGI'd Thunderchild (the Royal Navy flies the White Ensign, NOT the Union flag) to the woodworm ridden acting, this is quite simply a crime against film making. When you consider some of the literally-zero-budget fan films that are available on the 'net (the Star Wars short "Troops" for example), the whole "we're enthusiastic amateurs" argument goes right out of the window. And if you believe an interview with Hines on the Pendragon website, this film had an 8 figure budget! I can only assume that dodgy facial hair does not come cheap in the US. Maybe the problem is that Hines & co tried to make a film of the book, rather than turn the book into a film (if that makes any sense). Characters and extras spout chunks of text verbatim without trying to convey the feelings behind the words. Ironically enough, the ONLY person who even came close to giving a decent performance was Darlene Sellers, the ex-soft porn actress. My advice? Pray like crazy that Jeff Wayne doesn't screw up, and go watch the Spielberg version. It may not be true to the text of the book, but I can say this; As a lifelong HG Wells fan (and Englishman as well) Speilbergs film IS true to the Spirit of the book. Maybe customs were wrong to let me carry this monster into the country, but I will say this: Timothy Hines stole three hours of my life, and I want them back.