Reviews

Starts off like every other war movie then......

the americans take shelter in a house for the night, and now no wait its a haunted house ghost war movie while ... theyre still being attacked by nazis? No, no not ghost nazis real nazis are attacking the haunted house... hmmm interesting combo so far....

and then some of them survive the night but.... now theyre stuck in a perpetual time loop like its Groundhog's Day with Bill Murray? Ummmmm ooooook..... why not i guess ...

so ... now its a Groundhog Day ghost haunted house allies vs nazis war movie, ok now im all caught up.

Wait no plot twist... you've all been stuck in the matrix this whole time. Oh Billy Zane what have you done now you put me in the matrix.

The end.

I mean... its a trip all right...

Sadly, season 2 episode 1 is as far as I will ever make it. Spoilers are just for that episode... if you can even call them that, cuz this is just going to be complete and utter NONSENSE. Apologies for the rambling pace, but that's kind of the flavor of the show after all. i wanted to rate this show less than a 4 but the first season DID show promise.

What once began as something watchable has turned into anything but in my humble opinion. this show has dissolved into a bad acid trip. now, i love weird shows and just about anything sci-fi, but i just cant take this show anymore. why you might ask? well, after women with mustaches are speaking in 1980's style horrifically fake computer voices while standing around some dude with a basket on his head ... the protagonist then says "so im supposed to find the shadow king inside of a daiquiri" because part of the liquid is strawberries, naturally because of their conductivity. everyone knows how conductive strawberries are that's why you cant pick them in a rain storm. this is so far beyond ludicrous that i don't know of such a word to use. or even if one exists. maybe this show made one of those up too, but i missed it. anyways, so he goes into this sphere which prompts, yes, A DANCE OFF. because why not have a DANCE OFF whilst locked inside of a daiquiri filled sphere amirite???

ENTER THE FLOATING BALLS FROM PHANTASM

yes, the floating balls from the phantasm series have made an appearance. why? because the sphere this dude is in is now 4 inches across. and levitating. so hes trapped in this now-tiny sphere and theres no liquid in it anymore because of reasons so hes all screaming but then he stops because suddenly hes in an empty room and he meets this lady. and now theyre literally playing pictionary to convey information to each other for some unknown reason. or maybe ive just stopped caring. either way.... im out. not even the dude from flight of the conchords can save this nonsense for me.

I am writing this review in hopes of saving a fellow human being 8 hours of their precious life.

This is a strong contender for the worst show I have stuck it out with until the end. In fact, the only reason I kept watching was to watch these dumb f***s die horrible deaths. Every single head slappingly bad decision made is worse than the last. A few brief examples:

Hey, there's a psycho killer on the loose. Leave town? Hell no! Let's sleep in the same house my whole family was murdered in!

Hey psycho killer, let me go to an abandoned barn and interview you all by my lonesome ... 'cuz nothing bad will happen to ME!

Hey I think this cop is awful at his job at best, a killer at worst. Oh, you want me to get into the back of the cop car NOT the front so I'm locked in here with you? SOUNDS LEGIT.

"Don't touch that its evidence" she paws all over it while looking at the cop with an "I'm smarter than you so shut it" look all over her face. I mean who needs fingerprints of the mysterious masked killer, right?

I could NOT wait to see all these dumb fools get slaughtered. It was the one solitary reason I actually watched this complete and utter garbage until the bitter end. This show is basically the movie "Seven" but awful and stretched out over 8 hours. Each of the kills attempts to pick one of the seven deadly sins and runs with it until the bloody end of whomever committed such an atrocity. Like lust and anger... I mean you GOTTA die for something as sinful as those, right? I was, however, pumped to see that old angry broad die by getting chopped to bits. That's why this gets a 2 instead of a 1.

P.S. SWED. Just like the graffiti on the wall said.

Part of me wishes I could just trash this show, but it IS actually quite well done. Very nice camera work, and pretty decent acting. At least, I pray this is acting and none of these people actually act like this in the real world. The unfortunate and tragic part is it just how accurately it portrays the potential depravity of the human race. Every single main character is AWFUL, each in their own wretched way. In fact, no, awful is far too good of a word. You've got your heartless gang bangers, you've got your drug dealers disgracing their military uniform, and back stabbing cheaters, degenerate life destroying gamblers, you've got your murderers, and your thieving prostituting junkies that'll do any and everything for their next fix. You've got not one, not two, but essentially half the people in the show are racists, and not just your run of the mill confederate flag waving scumbag, but racists on such a horrifying level it will chill you to the bone at the sheer depravity of it all. Your jaw just might hit the floor while your blood runs cold from the things that come out of these people's mouths. The only two you'll notice right away AREN'T racists are murdering thieving pimping/prostituting smack junkies. Go figure. The police ... well they aren't any better. And every parental figure on this show has contributed in full to the complete and utter rock bottom of each of these destroyed lives. I can't wait until each of these terrible human beings gets what's coming to them. I just can't wait. Because I hate them ALL. Each and every single one of them.

So strap in, get ready to grind your teeth in anger, and skip the popcorn cuz you just might puke it up. It's THAT unsettling. You've been warned.

Well, I enjoyed the movie, so I decided to give this show a shot. I was very unimpressed. First of all, I feel like it was written by a team of 12 monkeys with ADD. Why? OK now we're in

The year 2047

Blah blah blah technology stuff happens ... oh wait a main character died?

The year 2017

No worries, lets just jump back here and grab him from the past before he died. Ahh, dying apparently means nothing, when essentially there's infinite copies of the same person ... great.

The year 2045

Was that really 3 minutes of one time then we're jumping back to

The year 2047

Wait why did you even bother with 2045 showing basically nothing important...

2017

OK, back here now I guess, hey lets try and stop the plague from killing every-

2047 ... really? Hey lets try and stick with one time for more than a minute or two

2035 You're just throwing darts at a dartboard marked with years, aren't you?

2047 Didn't they just say this guy can't survive too many more jumps?

2017 We grabbed him from the PAST ... BEFORE all that! DUH

2045 I give up.

2047 ...

2069 2017 2047

2015 Is when i stopped watching this show.

Unbelievable. Very very few episodes of the garbage that's on TV these days literally leaves me on the edge of my seat. Let alone for basically the entirety of the episode. I don't throw out 10/10 ratings for anything too often, but this one rightfully gets it. From Proctor's shenanigans with his smack dealing, to the sheriff's thieving and tom foolery, every minute of this episode is epic. Complete with a superb cliffhanger ending to the season. Absolutely amazing. The only thing that upsets me is now we have to wait another 8+ months for more. Maybe I'm still too pumped up from this episode last night, but right now I can't think of a single episode of any show I've watched that tops this.

p.s. THIS... is an AWESOME SWORD!! WOOOOOOO