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Reviews
Dead Clowns (2004)
It's quite simple...don't wast your time.
Generally I have a tolerance for bad films. But I was fast forwarding pretty quickly through this one.
Plot: 50 year old zombie clowns come back from an underwater grave after a storm.
The Good:
1. I felt like I was in a storm. 2. Special effects are impressive. 3.The calliope was actually creepy
The Unforgivably Bad:
1. Acting was bad even judged by it's peers. A Speak-And-Spell would have delivered more convincing inflections in the dialog. 2. The pacing of this stormy film was like water torture. 3. There was no characterization, I felt more sorry for the clowns than the people. 4.This film was ever made.
I would highly recommend you go outside and take a walk. It's beneficial for you and staring at the pacing pavement is a more fun way to spend your 90+ minutes. I just don't see any merit in watching this film.
The Mist (2007)
Can't recommend it...Frank dropped the ball.
I have seen a lot of reviews commenting on the human nature of this story and how the ending was amazing or thoughtful.
First off, I'm biased. I'm a real person, with a host of real problems.I work with people who are very ill and if I were a pessimist I could find source material on a daily basis. We enjoy horror because, at it's core, it's an escape. I admire the guts it took Frank D. to make the genre something more.
But he dropped the ball with the ending. Technically the movie is brilliant and well acted. It remains pretty close to the source material. (by Hollywood standards.) But at the end, Frank takes the scripting wheel from the King novella and drives it over a cliff. He has the most contrived and trite ending that is designed to jerk us emotionally. It makes you feel cheated. It's an ending just as bad as any cheesy feel-good sitcom ending. Only it's a tragic opus of coincidence. It's executed poorly, it's a depressed Michael Bay came out of the woodwork handle the last 10 minutes.
I don't need films to jerk negative emotions out of me. I don't know what's going on in Frank's life to warrant such a downer ending on a Thanksgiving release. But suck it up Frank. We all suffer. No need for the low jab. I loved Shawshank, leave the endings to Mr. King.
Babel (2006)
Manipulative and miscalculated
I realize I have the minority opinion here. Yet I felt the film was a terrible miscalculation on the part of the writer and director.
The film follows three interlocking stories and the characters within. It's theme is communication or the lack there of. Two of the three stories are intertwined while the third, set in Japan, is more independent of the two.
The Japanese story is beautiful and stunning, it takes no unrealistic turns and each characters action is logical. (At least we understand why the characters take their respective actions.)
The other stories fall flat because it follows a simple formula: 1.Set a stage filled with Good people. 2.Knock them down with grossly unrealistic plot twists. 3.Watch them suffer, cry with them, cash in on Oscar.
The pacing is extremely slow and the music did very little. The director chose less dialog and more shots of the landscape to attempt to try tell a story. This is film that does get interesting, it just takes a long time to get going.
However, at the end, you will feel cheated. After two or three unlikely plot twists you'll give up trying feel or care about what happens next. It's a wave of melancholy that most people choose not to catch. A good film makes you sad because of it's situations are plausible to us. This film is made for people who don't have enough senseless drama in their life.
I think I speak for the average person when I say: No Thank-You Babel, I have enough troubles with your shaky camera angles and outrageous plot twists.
Fainaru fantajî sebun adobento chirudoren (2005)
Don't touch this at all...horrendous execution.
I'm not sure where to start. I love the Final Fantasy series and was looking forward to a new medium in which to know it's fine characters.
Instead we get another half-baked Japanese product intent on selling us by the name. Let's break it down by category. Starting with what is good.
1. Special effects/animation: Excellent and gorgeous.
2. ActionSequences- Fantastic in it's composition. However the film is so bad overall that because we don't care about what happens, the viewer will find them dull.
THE BAD 3. Voice Dubbing- Worse voice acting I have heard ever in a "movie."
4. Music- Well....good or bad....I was just hoping for more original music not recycled themes. Like the action,the direction was so bad that it was miscued often and not as consistent with what going on screen. If you don't believe me, then watch "Last of the Mohicans" and see how a score is meant to match the overall film. The production team did Nobuo wrong.
5. Plot- Not bad on paper...but mishandled by the....
6. Screen writing/Direction- I felt like a needed a strategy guide to figure out why everything was happening. We get no feel for the characters, what they do, why they do it. How people show up out of nowhere when it's convenient. The pacing is awkward with the director not only cutting backward and forward in time, but sideways and then backwards. (Sound confusing? I'm simulating the experience.)
In conclusion, FF fans have been exploited. This has been billed as a film and so I'm holding to the same standards as a film. Forlorn glances and imagery means without substance. Sadly those components are all we get in between action sequences that feel like long music videos. A second golden opportunity to introduce the general public to the wonderful world of FF has been lost. And frankly, my nostalgia from the original game is not enough to carry me through this muddled mess which has been incorrectly called a film.
House of the Dead 2 (2005)
Excellent Zombie Romp-Rent the DVD!
I had very low expectations considering the first film in the series. But with a lower budget and an 18 day shooting schedule, they managed to pull off the best zombie film I've seen since the Dawn of the Dead remake.
The plot is typical, (Special Forces + urban zombie issue) but they managed to make it a creepy atmosphere and kept you guessing as to what order the cast members were going to die in. My biggest criticism is the pacing at the end.
It has some flaws and clichés; however it kept me on edge and even the clichés were well executed. Also, the zombies looked great and the gore effects were delicious. Most importantly, the team seemed to really care about making a good genre film.
Bottom Line: Grab some popcorn, turn down the lights, turn down your expectations and enjoy a better than average B movie.
Nacho Libre (2006)
Don't waste your time! Theatre was silent!
Nacho Libre sounds good on paper: Jack Black + Mexican Wrestling + Napoleon Dynamite Director = a hit.
Plot is typical for a sports comedy- unlikely hero enters sports to try to better him/herself and others. He yearns and learns love and faces obstacles that he may or may not overcome.
However it falls apart and I want my time back. The funniest parts were in the previews. I should have known better. The film was heavily marketed and will no doubt make a lot of money. However, this is a serious speed bump in Jack Black's career. This was his most talked about film yet and this is his chance to show a wider audience of people what has made him so popular with the youth. (I even convinced my parents that his antics are worthy.) Sadly, Jack Black tries his best, but the director and script utterly fail him.
In short, the film is disjointed, not funny and a real yawn. The only funny parts were previewed. The rest of just plain dull. I mean really truly boring. The packed theater I was in was silent. The direction and pacing are just awful; the film has no energy.
It's a shame really, Jack Black deserves better scripts. While his career will weather this storm of mediocrity, we won't be fooled again. He's one Nacho movie away from Chevy Chase territory.
The Da Vinci Code (2006)
The fun must be in the fact gathering.....and Paul Bettany
If you are already familiar with art history or apothrycal mythology; skip this movie. If you don't know what "apothrycal" means in terms of Catholicism, then the movie is for you. (I don't mean this in an insulting manner either.) There is a lot of explaining things, and not much really happening. For the amateur art historian, it's like watching a training video at a job you've been familiar with years and therefore drags.
*******Minimal spoiler alert******
The acting is awful. I was giddy with excitement at with Tautou being cast, but she brings the film down more than anyone. Ian McKellen brings some life into film, but the real scene stealer was Paul Bettany as the murderous, misguided, monk. I wanted to see lots more of him and in comparison to the scenes with Hanks and "Amelie" Tautou, I wanted to cheer when he was on screen.I also wanted to walk out when it was apparent that his role in the story was over, since he was the only person of interest. *****Okay again!*****
Conclusion; avoid if you know the info. But if you are not into history and such, it might be an enjoyable ride.
Dark Water (2005)
Well Crafted Failure....
If I were to build a car, a gorgeous and solidly designed automobile and it didn't have an engine; then I failed in a fundamental way.
The acting was great, what little interest I had was carried by it's strong cast and I found myself caring more for the real-life drama more than the ghost. The supernatural was an interruption rather than what the film should have been about.
Bottom line, want scares? Well, you will find an absolutely none. Want a decent drama about a woman on her own? You'll find here and oh yea...there is this ghost problem.
Because it was a failure in what it set out to do, it wasted two hours of my life with it's utter dullness.( Made worse than normal since I was expecting a thriller.) I give it a one out of ten. Please Hollywood, stop lying in your advertising.