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Reviews
Wish Upon (2017)
It Wasn't THAT Bad
Dig this. I was watching some popular YouTubers and a few of them discussed this movie. They described it as so bad it's good. As a connoisseur of SBIG media, I decided to track this bad boy down. I was extremely disappointed. The acting wasn't bad, it wasn't great, but I've definitely seen worse.
Sure it gets rather nonsensical but if you're watching this expecting moments to blow your mind, you're obviously on something. Maybe those YouTubers are on something because they also said Hereditary is good. I'd rather watch this than Hereditary. Can we put that on the poster?
It gets a bit Final Destinationy at times, which was kinda fun. I also enjoyed the ending. This movie isn't as bad as Things, Birdemic, Body Keepers or Miami Connection. It's just a thriller for your pre-teen daughter to watch.
In short, if you're looking for some cheesy horror film to watch on a Sunday afternoon, you can do worse than this.
Silver Stars on Red Velvet (2019)
A Trashy Exploitation Film Lost In the Modern Day
I tried to like this movie, I REALLY tried. I liked the previous efforts from these chaps: A Final Hit and Keeping Justice. They were low budget but they were fun. This film...ugh, where do I begin?
Okay, I'll say something nice. The shots have improved a lot since their first film. The lighting is better too. There's a sex scene that's all blue, it's very nice. A lot of their night shots are hit or miss. Coming off of Keeping Justice, they seem to be more miss than hit though. Max Caudell is very charming and I think he's great!
Now the bad...I don't know what this film was intended to be, but it really feels like a 70s exploitation film made in the modern day. I don't know if RJ Crusky wanted it to feel that way or if maybe he's just a product of a bygone era. This film is extremely offensive and derogatory towards women. Michael Dillon, who I have come to appreciate in this films, is the worst character I have ever seen in a film. Everything he says is racist, misogynistic or just plain creepy. The detective character was a complete pervert and should have been fired from his job due to sexual harassment. Also, I don't know how, but the dubbing is worse AND better than A Final Hit. Sometimes it's mixed better than A Final Hit was and other times it sounds like they're in a tin can. Unlike A Final Hit, there wasn't any consistency, so I can't make any excuses for why they used it this time.
Look Decades Apart, I don't know if you read these reviews but you seriously need to dump Crusky. I don't know if I could stomach another film from such a man. You guys have improved from your A Final Hit, but this is just complete and utterly disgusting trash. Get back to making the movies that made you great!
Summer of 84 (2018)
Masterpiece
I'm gonna admit, you go through my reviews and you begin to think that maybe I hate movies. No, I don't hate movies but modern Hollywood has completely lost sight of what made movies great. Luckily, we have people like RKSS to make movies outside of the studio system.
I will first of all like to state that this movie is not a masterpiece, per se, it's just a really good film in a world where we get a butt ton of bad films. The story is very Monster Squad meets Rear Window. A lot of people keep comparing this to Stranger Things but the only similarity I see is that they're both set in the 1980's. Did Stranger Things totally monopolize the 1980's or something?
The film is well acted and well shot. I don't want to say too much about the plot but I will say that the third act is absolutely wonderful!
Summer of '84 is a true diamond in the rough. If you've grown tired of modern cinema, like I have, give this a watch, you may find that there is still hope.
Body Keepers (2018)
If You Like The Room, You'll Love Body Keepers!
I am a HUGE fan of Tommy Wiseau's so bad it's good masterpiece The Room. Body Keepers is good in much the same way. The gay best friend is so over the top it's hilarious. The b*tchy goth girls are so "I hate everything" that you'll be cringing in your seat. There's long scenes of people getting drunk. The f-bomb is dropped every time a character can't think of a good comeback (which is often). All of the acting is really cheezy except by the extras, a lot of the speaking extras are decent. There's one point where the boyfriend, Tanner, is watching some marine vs. zombie movie and his girlfriend asks him what he's watching. He just stares into space and we cut back to the marine vs zombie show. I guess he didn't even know what he was watching. I couldn't stop laughing at this part.
I often hear bad editing thrown around by amateur film critics but have you ever seen a movie where there's a blank screen placed in the middle of changing camera angles? I don't mean like a transition shot, I mean there are like two frames ACTUALLY MISSING between changing angle. The characters argue in class and call each other names and the teacher is just like "yeah, okay." Speaking of the teacher, I thought this guy looked familiar and it turns out he was in a JonBenet Ramsey documentary and a hitman movie I saw a few years ago ALSO made in Colorado. I guess the Colorado film community is pretty small.
Anyway, if you want a good laugh, pour yourself a highball, call up your buddies, and strap in for Body Keepers.
Phantasm: Ravager (2016)
Just Makes Me Sad
I don't think I can say enough times how much I love cheesy B movies but this one really makes me sad. I love Don's movies and adore the Phantasm series. I'm so sad that this is the end of the series and that THIS is the last Phantasm film Angus will ever be a part of. If you decide to watch this, watch the last five minutes, that's the part I really liked.
I didn't like the guy who stole the 'Cuda (why does he seem like he needs to fart?), I definitely hated all the computer effects in the film, the showdown feels more like a Sci-fi original series than the conclusion to a great film franchise. Mike, Reggie and Angus are all great as always. I did really like the story elements (don't want to spoil too much). The new characters were more obnoxious than I would have liked but overall, they were okay.
I think the thing that really hurt this movie for me more than anything else was the over reliance upon computer effects. I've said before that indie filmmakers should be forced to think on their feet. Computer effects prevent that from happening.
John Dies at the End (2012)
Well, It's Definitely Better than Phantasm 5.
I didn't go into John Dies at the End expecting much. I have never read the book and only know it was written by a guy who used to write for Cracked. I am however, a huge fan of Don Coscarelli. I love all the Phantasm films he made and Bubba Ho-tep is just a blast. This movie was certainly entertaining. There were some parts that made me laugh and it really had some interesting effects. I'm really glad Don opted to use real fire instead of that composite fire. What the crap is that stuff anyway?
Anyway, I wasn't a big fan of the ending, mostly due to the film looking and feeling like something off of the Sci-fi channel. All the stuff leading up to the last fifteen minutes though was a hoot and a half. And, as I said in the title, it's certainly better than Phantasm 5.
The Smiling Man (2015)
Oooo So Spoopy
I saw this recommendation on my imdb and decided to look it up on YouTube. First I gotta say, Strange Dave, if you're reading this, your performance was awesome! The first three minutes of this were very creepy, lots of tension building, the music was fantastic. There was even a part during this sequence that made me jump and was totally worth it.
Unfortunately, it just sort of devolved into a creepypasta towards the end. For me, a creepypasta becomes "and then it was all hyper realistic and blood eyed," towards the end. I feel if maybe the lighting wasn't as bright and we didn't get a good look at The Smiling Man the whole time that it would have been much more effective. Overall though, this was enjoyable and the first three minutes definitely earns a 10/10 from me.
HazMat (2013)
Really Tried to Like This
I really like indie movies. I like cheesy dialogue and acting, because I can usually look past that stuff. I really wanted to like this movie but, it just wasn't good. Dude gets his PTSD triggered by a practical joke gone awry and goes to slaughter all of his friends. Look, if my friends knew I had PTSD and thought it'd be a good idea to play a joke on me, I'd probably kill them all too. The worst part of this movie for me, without a doubt is the "men are stupid" scene. Look, I don't care that they want to complain about men, but it's so shoehorned in the movie that it seems the writer went "oops, my script is too short" and decided to add the scene in from another script they were working on. The ladies in the movie, I kid you not, go over, sit down and complain about the men in their lives while there is a guy RIGHT OUTSIDE trying to kill them. What kind of asinine logic is that? Is this Tommy Wiseau world? Like I said, I tried liking it but it was too unintentionally silly for me.
Not Cinderella's Type (2018)
Super Depressing
This "movie" plays more like an after school special than a movie. The acting, dialogue, and directing are all on par for that. The step mother is over the top with her degrees of "evil." She reminded me of Skeletor with her evil plots. If you want to learn more about the side effects of abuse of children, go read a book, and skip this movie.
Keeping Justice (2017)
Decent Follow Up
I previously wrote a review for the hit man film these guys did and thought it was pretty good. IMDb suggested this one since I rated that one kinda high and I gotta say, this one is a decent follow up. The audio is more on point with this one and the camera work has improved a bit. I really liked some of the drone shots in the beginning and wish they included more of these throughout the film. I also enjoyed the zoom into the office (and the zoom out of the vigilante). The claymation scene was really funny and rather unexpected. The two leads are both pretty good despite not being name actors. However, the story seems to be lacking. There are parts that seem a bit like a watered down version of Taxi Driver. The hit man from their last movie shows up as some office worker and he just really annoyed me. I'm not sure if that was the intent but I really wanted him to stop appearing in the film, luckily he's not in a lot of the movie. Overall, I'll keep an eye on these guys. They seem to make pretty decent low budget movies and it's obvious that they love making movies for the sake making a movie.
A Final Hit (2015)
Indie Filmmaking Alive and Well
I would first off like to state that I really like independent films, it's because kids are forced to think on their feet about how to solve a problem and not just throw money at it like the big studios do.
I saw this movie on a very limited theatrical run in Denver, Colorado. I was not even aware that the movie existed, but the actor who plays the Russian guy was standing outside of the theater trying to get anyone in. I guess they spent all their advertising budget on the film.
I decided to see what all the fuss was about. My ticket was $5, wow, when was the last time I paid $5 to see a movie? I sat down in a basically empty theater and watched as the movie began.
I'll admit, there is dubbing and it is not the best but I noticed a lot of the dubbing takes place in the main character's home, maybe there was a noisy air conditioner or something that they had to dub the lines. The story wasn't anything spectacular, but it was interesting to see it pulled off on such a small budget.
There's a part where a car blew up and it's obviously a toy car that's burning but I found this more charming than a deterrent, it reminded me of a film from the 1980s.
The film does have a lot of problems: the aforementioned dubbing, the third act is really confusing, and some acting is really amateur; an indie film standard.
I got to meet with the director and the actor who played the Russian and they were very cool with answering some of my questions. I actually thought the film was shot on Super 8 or maybe 16mm but the director informed me they shot it on a HDV camera and adjusted it to LOOK like film.
Like I said, it's not the greatest film ever made (that would be Hitchcock's Psycho) but it's a low-budget indie film that really wants to be at home with silly B-movies and I feel it really succeeds in that aspect.