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adricklynnmason
Reviews
Man v. Monster (2011)
The Orange Spray Tan Skin of Television
Completely silly and harmless, way funnier when being riffed by the guys from MST3K. You get to see some animals, I guess? But hardly any monsters. Mostly you only see this one dude walking around and annoying indigenes peoples (who, hilariously, film their own dramatization b-roll).
Watch it to help the people involved with the show, but don't expect anything more outrageous than mid-day camp.
Extraterrestrial (2014)
holy crap this movie is awful
Extraterrestrial is so absolutely dull and clichéd that I half expected to see scenes from last year's round-up of teen horror flicks cut and paste into the final edit. Let's do an experiment--close your eyes and say the first five horror tropes that pop into your head, don't even think- just start writing them down. Now, waste 1.5 hours watching this junk and check off the ones that appear in this film. If you get any score less than five out of five, well, I've got some bad news: you're probably some variety of house cat because this film has them all. The script is little more than 'open the book of clichés and start copying,' the characters are as boring and as likable as wet-bricks, and twice as standard. We're introduced to the cast list with a shot of the one girls ass, which is apropos since this movie is cheeks. Let's do a run down: two girls and two guys who are as follows: hotty with daddy issues, rebelling against love but totally not the popular one (ie, the one most girls are supposed to identify with), and slightly less hot but not the lead so she's the popular one-one (she's the one the popular girls are supposed to make fun of so they can feel less insecure about how much--or little they relate). There's meat headed, totally well adjusted, all American football star slash male underwear model "Guy A," and his self proclaimed idiot sidekick: very handsome, thick-rimmed glasses wearing, social outcast man," bringing up the rear to entice the metal kids. It's all just so shameless, they're all completely interchangeable and unrelatable. If it weren't for the outcast- guys torn jean-jacket-vest, I wouldn't have known who he was or what he was trying to be (hint, it was punk about ten years ago). If you squint your eyes, you can pretend that you're watching cabin in the woods, if it was shot without any of its self awareness or originality. 2/10 for effort, although it's so putrid, just so offensively boring and clichéd, that it doesn't even entertain. If you've watched ANY horror movie marketed to the youth within the last twenty years, then you've seen it done before- down to the montage of them boarding up an old farm house with upbeat music over it. The poor post release sale figures barely justify its existence. If your IQ is in the triple digits you probably won't want to waste your time. It gets some points for meh camera work and the shots look nice, but that's it. I'd make a pun here like don't be pulled in by extraterrestrial but it's not worth it.