Reviews

Horror anthology about a cursed small town, beset by multiple grotesque murders over its history. The first is one of the best: A lovelorn elderly man charged with his equally elderly sister, who suffers from dementia. In clumsy pursuit of a to-die-for coworker, he, instead, turns the tables and kills her, with wild repercussions I won't reveal, other than it involves a Cousin-of-Chucky doll. Most impressive is the motif of the old man picking at a block of ice for his sister's bath, hacking it over and over, every stab expressing an ever growing, never-ending sense of frustration, futility and disgust. The second is a Hammeresque Freak Show, hosting a rogue's gallery of characters straight out of Todd Browning. All do their parts very well, but the Gypsy Queen Directress--She Who Will Be Obeyed--reigned Supreme for me. And there is a splatter-lovers' fest that will make said lovers festive! Third is about a man who has found the secret to eternal life through voodoo A gift that is his to have and his to give, for good or evil, and for the crook on the lam he took in, and who then betrayed him, the gift was a long life of tortured horror.. The final being almost a movie unto itself about how war breaks down all social conventions and the most fundamental human values, set in a settlement of Confederate orphan children, all adults having been casualties of war, who band together in a version of "Lord of the Flies" social order. Despite word that the war was over, a group of renegade Union soldiers still want to rape and pillage wantonly, in pursuit of which they stumble upon the children's settlement, and are immediately set upon by the not-so-innocent babes, who subject the men to such gruesome tortures, I'm sure, if they could think through the excruciating pain and horror, they'd wish they had gone home at the armistice. This sequence in particular, so much lit so beautifully by ritualistic firelight, effectively contrasted with the drab, grey monotony of smoky, feeble daylight, but art direction, cinematography, stellar throughout. Hosted by Vincent Price in his typically revered avuncular elder role.

Star Wars III: Revenge of the Sith (2005)

Here's MY funny line for this one: "In George Lucas' vision of the future, guys outnumber girls by 500,000 to 1... and all the girls look like Natalie Portman." A nerd virgin's wet dream. Um, didn't like this much.

Acting is MONUMENTALLY bad -- like the worst Samuel L. Jackson performance of all time - that's monumental Mr. Lucas! Back to the special effects with you -- and even those are nauseating after about 10 minutes. And light sabres are soooooooo 1976. Would have preferred Revenge of Lilo and Stitch.

Most of my reviews are written on single viewings, and sometimes change with time.

Winter Passing (2006) = Will Ferrell curiosity factor/ = Movie Big name cast in a very little movie. And a pretty depressing tale (to start) at that.

Will Ferrell in a very curious role. Kind of reprising one of his 'dumb guy' college dude characters from SNL, but a dumb guy with a big heart. At least he works hard at it -- and as Felicia points out is the only thing really interesting in the movie. He plays opposite Zooey DeSchanel and she plays a pretty screwed up teen. Ed Harris (in Howard Hughes wacko period hair/wig and make up) and a few other known names share the bill. So there you go.

I wonder how flat this movie felt in the theater. I liked the early '70s original w/ Burt Reynolds. He was pretty believable as an ex-pro football player who got himself into trouble. Adam Sandler? Well, the 'gets himself into trouble' part fit, but ex-ALL-PRO NFL QUARTERBACK? That little baby-fat schlemeel? Gimme a break. But, A. Sandler's fans don't mind the unreality of it all ("Do the Lunch Lady Song!" they yell at movie screens, but to no avail ). Chris Rock, and a bunch of ESPN announcers doing some incredibly stiff appearances , are in it. Oh, the one point where there is supposed to be 'drama' is when the Rock character dies. When they show the coffin... I FINALLY LAUGHED!!!!! So, rent it for the one laugh, if ya need one (just one, but a guranteed one, even if Adam Sandler's comic genius didn't produce it; his bad filmmaking did!). Burt Reynolds, and his bad plastic surgery results, appears as the 'coach' and he's not too bad. But in this movie, who'd notice anything good? Rob Schneider gets a day of pay to once again yell "You can do it!" but this time includes a profanity with it as the saying is aimed at Burt Reynolds. Oh, Tracy Morgan has a bit part as a he/she cheerleader. Nice that A. Sandler takes care of his 'peeps', huh? Wish he'd take care of some quality in his movies.

What should I expect, eh? Well, it's not the complete travesty that say... a Dana Carvey-starred movie is. Chris Rock's "directorial debut". Ugh, another bad movie about running for president. A comedy, tee hee hee. This woulda been MUCH better if they made the movie as if Rock was ALREADY President and how HE runs the presidency, etc. Etc. How stupid can they be not to start there instead of 'he's running for President'? Oh, and Tracy Morgan's in it, no less than six minutes into the film. And then... he's gone. For most all of it. Yay, pay day for a friend. Lots of moments making white people try to act and dance like black people. Hee Hee, that was terrifically funny and innovative... when 'The Flip Wilson' show did it more than 30 YEARS AGO!!!

Ditch this and go straight to 'The Best of Chris Rock on SNL' on DVD!

Breezy little throwaway musical (well Goldie reprises her saucy music hall number several times) rom-com, wild west setting. Segal is the said Dirtwater Fox, a preofessional card shark, Hahn in the guise of the Duchess to affect respectability when she's actually a saloon dancer/hooker. Goldie efferveces with luscious exuberance, and she and Segal have great comic chemistry, but maybe a bit too long, and the script starts to repeat itself where brevity would have been the soul of wit.

But overall a pleasant entertainment.

Most of my reviews are written on single viewings, and sometimes change with time.

This studio did a series based on the signs of the zodiac with what was essentially a reperotory company of actors who played stock characters (villain, sidekick, sexy aunt, etc.) surrounding a hapless, sexually naive man-boy (Soltoff). All deliver corny jokes and slapstick, staples of Scandinavian erotic comedy, with elan. Though done with a sensitivity rarely seen in later porn through today, some of the hardcore sex scenes seem rather deadly serious and out of place in the midst of the other typically ridiculous shenanigans. Not much terribly original or worth following, except a couple of "follow the bouncing c___s" ballet sequences in which the men perform naked from the waist down, but for boots, stockings and garters, with women in crotchless pantaloons, and a glory hole scene ,devised by the evil Count to create a situation of mistaken identity to suit his purposes, as the participants are unable to put a face to the corresponding genitalia.

Cute enough.

In England, a man comes out of a 30 year coma, and he is just as clueless about the world as any newborn. There's the age old conflict between American and British scientists over how we learn best. The American position favors lessons from life, while the Brits are sticklers for academic discipline.. And talk about taking baby steps! After an hour I felt like I'd listened to every lesson drilled into schoolchildren during childhood, and heard nothing but quarreling from the eggheads in charge. Terence Stamp as the man-child is a typically sensitive, nuanced performance all his own, but the film is all too slow and repetitious for me.

From boredom.

The sex tape filmed in episode 5 and shown in episode 6 would not have been possible under the dark circumstances it was supposedly shot in 1902, as subjects had to be very brightly lit to show up on film in those early days of cinema..

Fairly amusing story of 3 childhood friends, and their difficulties settling into adult life over 30. Upon the untimely death of a mutual friend, as a diversion, they embark upon a treasure hunt they'd planned ever since they were kids. Their characters and neuroses from the time they "learned to pee straight", as another character puts it, continue to dictate their current interrelationships as their canoe goes over a waterfall and they stumble upon an illegal marijuana farm whose hillbilly owners then pursue them with intent to kill. Along the way they find a crooked crooked tooth sheriff, a couple of "joygasmic" flower girls who live in a tree, and, in a nod to "Deliverance", Burt Reynolds, as a mountain man at their destination. The well-established interrelationships of the 3 principals make for gags one expects, often even anticipates, and fun, some more so, some less. The flower girls are a highlight. The sheriff is yet another cliche' smokey, and though the hillbillies are scripted to say unusual things one wouldn't expect hillbillies to say, intended to be funny, some of which genuinely are, but overall, with their badge-wearing cohort, they are the weakest comic elements. Burt Reynolds makes no special impression. In the end our heroes emerge, bonds strengthened, and resolved to face life with renewed vigor and hope. Yea! The End.

Undemandingly enjoyable.

Colorful, energetic biopic showing how Roberto Duran's hatred of US troops occupying his native Panama motivated him to become a national hero and lightweight world champ by beating Sugar Ray Leonard. Avuncular Robert De Niro masterfully plays the fighter's long-suffering trainer, with whom Duran is constantly at odds, but to whom he ultimately gives in and triumphs because of it. Edgar Ramirez is terrific as the impulsive' hot-headed boxer whose bad attitude goes far beyond just anti-Americanism, but who, in the end, realizes that, paradoxically, he owes his career to his trainer, an American, and he's OK with that. Usher is as charismatic as was Sugar Ray, whom he plays brilliantly.

A feel-good flick, happily devoid of the sappy heart-string yanks so often associated with fight films.

Biopic starts with Lamotta testifying at a hearing on corruption in the fight business, skips back to his street fighting boyhood and his father's "tough love" to make him into a professional boxer, then jumps to his difficulties adjusting to ordinary life after being a star multiple time world middleweight champion. Good opportunity for character actors to really take the spotlight and shine, and they avail themselves to full advantage, with deep characterizations and good interactions.

Good watch.

The setting is Barcelona, a glamourous European destination typical of the jet set denizens of these Italian Detective Horrors. Trouble starts when our heroine Minou (Dagmar Lassander) is assaulted by a strange man (Simon Andreu) who threatens she will beg him to rape her when next they meet (a breach of taste served with the misogynistic flair typical of the genre), then runs away (!) When she tells her husband (Pier Paolo Capponi), he naturally wants to call the police, but she says no: "All they do is make you fill out forms" (!) Well, in a case like this, lady, I think maybe you might make an exception and fill out a form for a change, just this one time. But she doesn't, of course, otherwise we wouldn't have a movie. She does, indeed, regret not making that call, as she is sucked down deeper and deeper into the gaslighting whirlpool of her stalker/rapist's devising, blackmailing her that he will show her husband the eponymous photos of the title. Her shoulder to cry on through this is Dominique (Susan Scott), a happy-go-lucky porn model (she sends them to Copenhagen for sale), a free spirit whose appetite for sex goes far beyond the job. Off the job, she sure likes to wear clothes, lots of them, and both of them galavant around town like a couple of high fashion Barbies . Each scene in new outfits of the most outrageously fabulous 70's fashions: hats, gloves, shoes-and wigs (!)-- to match (another convention of the genre). And I mean Every scene: After one last heart-to-heart sob session, Dominique finally convinces Minou to tell her husband everything. She tells her they'll go tell him Right Now!-but not until they've changed into entirely different outfits, restyled wigs, and wiped away the tears to fortify their make-up, as is how they show up at his place in the scene immediately following. It's pretty obvious pretty early on who the real Bad Guy has to be, though there are a couple of clever red herrings to try to trick you. What's fun are the impossibly outrageous contrivances (also a convention) that wend their way to a ridiculously satisfying conclusion, and the particularly salacious aspects of this plot are notably original in that regard.

There, I said "outrageous" again, but Over-The-Top Outrageousness is really what a good giallo is all about. Enjoy.

"Teenagers From OUTERSPACE" (1959) Wowie. They arrive from outer space alright, and not a teenager among them! Youngest alien male is probably a 22 - 25 year old, or so, actor, the other three or four probably can't remember being teens

Fun for pre-hip culture L. A. and cars and scenery and cheapo effects and dialogue. Gramps character in this movie is priceless -- a heart of gold and diarrhea of the mouth! (A heart so big, he helps anyone - including the bad guys/"teenage" aliens.)

Recognized as among the worst sci-fi movies of all time. Ends up laughable -- better laughs than in modern so-called intended comedies to be sure -- to make it memorable.

"High tech" space gadgets alone provide enough laughs. I also noted the actor playing the "captain" of the earth-landed "teenagers" played the #1 assistant to Chaos' Zeigfried in "Get Smart." I didn't even check IMDb, just know it for sure.

All the i's are dotted and t's crossed in this polished crime drama, so professionally contrived that I really can't get very excited. Despite the "Blind Side"-esque relationship with a ghetto kid who would be a detective in the tradition of the greats of pulp fiction. Neesom's bitter, retired, alcoholic cop is so stoic as to put a damper on things for long stretches, Of note is the intensity of the villains' sadism, so kudos to the writers, director and players on that., It's difficult to impress with the psychological evil amidst all the indiscriminate CGI blood and guts that fly all over movie screens these days. Otherwise standard.

Standard ensemble dramedy about 60's "youth quake" hippies running a radical paper, trying to maintain their anti-establishment values in the face of encroaching corporate greed, with all the joys and conflicts inherent in the enterprise. Good performance from lotsa youngish stars that continued to deliver for years, Jeff Goldblum even today.

Standard.

THE DEVIL HAS 7 FACES

Typical Italian Detective/Horror with typical elements of the genre: a ridiculously convoluted plot, murderous double-crossing crooks, here jewel thieves in Amsterdam; lost twins (that goes back to Plautus), an effete police detective, sexual intrigue, though not a lot of sexploitation, violence against women, car chases and shootouts. Giallo mainstay Caroll Baker plays twins Julie and Mary Harrison, and cleft-chin, deep-voiced He-man Stephen Boyd plays her sexy lawyer. Nothing special, but it's worth it to see the ever perfectly done up Miss Baker, her always perfectly coiffed platinum hair looking like a wet-dog's after being dunked in a tub by her captors, but her milky white legs still exquisite in black hot pants and heels, running across tulip fields (actually polder grasses), past windmills and ultimately commandeering a bulldozer in her escape. The cops must have brought a stylist along when they took her in, though, as she shows up at the station perfectly coiffed as always!

BLOOD BATH

Nifty little horror cheapie with killer cinematography that lifts it above lesser aspects of the rest of the production. An impressively shot long foot chase and an extended modern dance sequence on a beach, apart from showing off the body beautiful and the closest to sexploitation this little hour long G-rated 1966 flick has to offer, both slow the action, and were added to extend the length for TV broadcast. There is a running theme of the burgeoning optimistic youth culture of the Baby Boomers, naive in the face of an old world full of cynicism and ancient evils, the former represented in a fun parody by a group of artsy beatniks, the latter by the lead, last in a long line of painters under an age-old curse

Fun.

Elegantly appointed account of lust, murder and witchcraft. The beautiful Barbara Steele, long hair bewigged as Helen Karnstein, and the equally beautiful George Ardisson as Count Kurt Humboldt are illicit lovers in a fiefdom besieged by the Black Death, a result of the curse pronounced by Helen's mother as she was being burned at the stake. Good build as the Prince plots his wife's death and then can't seem to escape her haunting him. Unfortunately, the script's contention that "Death often reinvigorates" seems a rather arbitrary plot resolution in the circumstances, which I won't reveal.

Special point of interest: the front and center representation of a bubo, the lesion symptomatic of Bubonic Plague, which, on further research, was pretty accurate and disgusting.

Nothing to recommend, lead has no charisma and nothing here to really grab you High point is when, in a fit of rage at her baiting him, the mother's impotent boyfriend kills her, sooo...

Dull.

Sheila Keith brings her own kind of crazy to the little old lady killer cannibal, which is unique and effective. Really the only one to watch, otherwise standard.

"SEE YETI. DIE".

...says the guide to the Himalayan expedition group, and subsequently disappears shortly thereafter. I'd like to say die laughing, but it's really just a bleached recycled gorilla suit a la King Kong 1933, but with a modified headdress. Is that a spoiler? I felt like I almost died of boredom the first 2/3 of this spare, slim, exact hour of a cheapie, but that first 40 minutes already feels like over an hour of constant tedious discussion of Yetilore, lotsa stock footage of mountain trekking till things actually start to happen, and I have to admit the climax wasn't as lame as I would have expected. But totally devoid of any style or flair, the sorry script not helped by stagy acting and perfunctory, static camera work.

Just what you'd expect from a movie with that title, and nothing more. The lead's gravelly monotone throughout is an annoying tough guy cliche' used to mask paucity of acting abilities. His female sidekick gets credit for trying to enliven the flat dialogue with a clowny demeanor, but that ends up looking like desperation to save the unsaveable script. Kill count is high, very much by the numbers, and certainly high enough, but nothing new.

I love a tacky man-size octopus arm with spindly arms! And who, facing a gun at point blank range, backs away into a swamp--do they think they can outswim a bullet?--except to offer themselves as victims to giant leeches?

CHEESE!.

On first viewing this is indeed the classic of cinematic cheese that deserves it's ignominous reputation: the woman in the wasp(?) costume, such as it is, is high on the list of least scary monsters ever seen on screen. But a second viewing revealed it to be an allegory on the dilemma of the post WW II Everywoman, tiring of the gilded cage Cinderella existence they had so eagerly embraced when the boys came back, they dropped their riveters and assumed the role of Ladies of their Levittown Manors. Still caught in the age-old dilemma of trying to get ahead in a man's world, frustrated that the only thing she has to sell is youthful beauty, and the desperate measures she is compelled to take to preserve it.