Voland-4's Reviews

It Felt Like a Kiss (2009)

9/10

1 March 2010

Perhaps the most brilliant feat of the human mind is its ability to make connections between many disparate pieces of information, with which it finds pattern and meaning, making sense of the chaotic and often terrifying reality it inhabits.

This film is a virtuosic display of that ability. Comprised mostly of archival footage and pop music from the era, it tells the history of the United States from the late 50s onward using recurring characters like Rock Hudson, Lee Harvey Oswald, Saddam Hussein, Enos The Chimp, and Phil Spector. It is a haunting collage of a nation's innocence at the brink of disintegration in the murk of an impending nightmare it had helped to create for itself and the rest of the world.

If you're into Negativland, you'll probably be into this.

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Martyrs (2008)

7/10

Unpleasant to watch but ultimately rewarding

2 November 2009

I was somewhat hesitant to watch this at first - I frown at cinematic gynotorture, and I absolutely hated l'Interieur, a movie often cited alongside this one in reviews. Basically, my stance is: if I'm going to see people (women, especially!) get horribly effed up, there better be a great reason for it. Martyrs succeeds in that respect on multiple levels.

It's a sober and focused work, unambiguous, and mostly free from the kind of self-aggrandizement and indulgence some "extreme" French films fall prey to. The first half or so is prime horror ribeye - sound design, timing, blood, and a certain amount of ambiguity keep the adrenaline pumping and the brain wiggling to figure out what's coming next. The second half...is somewhat different, but that's already saying too much. Yes, the whole thing is torture-y, but it's not excessive to the point of being almost unwatchable (think rape scene in Irreversible), and pound-for-pound MPAA ratings sheet-style, it's not nearly as graphic as, say, Antichrist or even Cannibal Ferox. Nothing but praise for technical execution - acting, makeup, lighting, etc. And most importantly, there's a common (and rather lofty) Idea at work across multiple levels, one you'll ruminate upon after seeing the film much more than upon any single blood-splattered scene.

The only downside is that it's rather unpleasant to watch, which remains a downside even though this film cannot possibly be any other way. The story arc is also a strange roller-coaster, with all the "boo!" moments over and done with way before the movie actually ends.

Definitely worth seeing, if only once.

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Outlander (2008)

8/10

Space monster actionfest set in Viking times - what are you waiting for?!!

27 March 2009

It's a real shame I haven't seen a single preview or a billboard for this movie. Whatever, though - the box office opportunity was wasted because someone or other didn't have faith in humanity (I mean seriously, anyone with a droplet of testosterone in them would find this highly entertaining, so of course there's a market for it), but this movie's cult status is assured.

Spaceship carrying terrifying bloodthirsty monster and a mysterious hero (well, not that mysterious) crash lands on Earth during Viking times. I repeat - Vikings! Swords, battles, mead- drinking and all-around Norse badarsery are featured prominently. The acting is good for the most part, the writing isn't stupid and formulaic, and the director keeps a brisk pace throughout the film. And the space monster is simply terrific, imbued with the perfect amount of personality.

If I was 10 years old when I watched it, I would have been running around on the ceiling for months. Being the mature and responsible grown man I am now, I didn't exactly do that - instead, I recommended it to all my friends and watched it 3 times.

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Inside (2007)

1/10

Belongs in a rare category of awful

22 February 2008

I like my blood-splattered walls, exploding heads, and angry, squishy stabbings just as much as the next guy. And when a movie starts out decently-photographed, with subdued, dark colors, and a plausible, intriguing premise, you would expect it to follow up with at least...well, anything but this, really. The premise: (very, very) pregnant Sarah, traumatized from being involved in a car accident that kills her hubby, is terrorized by a crazy woman in black on Christmas eve. What followed: lots of screaming, blood, sloppy scriptwriting, violent scissor and stitching needle attacks, continuity problems and some severe lapses of logic. A weak and poorly-explained climactic twist brings this unrelenting and unsatisfying piece of garbage to its grim conclusion. We can take comfort in the fact that only one person needs to be blamed - writer/director Alexandre Bustillo, who is probably tormented by a recurring fantasy in which he terrorizes a pregnant woman while dressed in drag, made this the piece of crap that it is, and wasted the time and talent of many professionals doing it. An equivalent experience to watching this would be eating raw placenta. How did this get a 7 rating?!

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Aftermath (1994)

8/10

It's, like, totally brutal

21 September 2007

If the guys from Cannibal Corpse haven't seen this yet, I'm definitely bringing a DVD to the next show and throwing it onstage. I mean, this is a visual companion to at least two songs in their catalogue. Totally brutal, detached, no dialogue, loaded with sharp and well-placed symbolism. And oh the realism! I don't think I've ever seen a dead woman's vagina on screen, especially not like this. I'd really like to know how he made the cadavers, because as it stands now, it's one of the most realistic depictions of gore I've ever seen. What makes this a rewarding viewing experience is the fact that it's not just gore porn, a la Cannibal Corpse's lyrical subject matter - the director makes a nice sweeping yet clear statement about the social context of death in modern society. All I have to say - when you get to heaven and they greet you with harps and garlands at the pearly gates, remember not to look back down.

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The Last Relic (1969)

7/10

I am not from Estonia and I give it thumbs up

21 September 2007

OK, OK. So being a Moscovite isn't exactly like being from Nebraska or anything, and I am familiar (and very much in love) with Soviet movies from that era where it was essentially mandatory to have at least two songs in a film, but... Damn good fun. It's an adventure, it's loaded with humor and a healthy dose of anti-Church sentiment - it was made under Soviet times, after all - and it's filmed in some really beautiful locations. Oh, did I mention that the female lead is really, really hot? From the first moment she appears on screen coddling a lamb to, well...watch the movie. She's hot. There are a few continuity goofs here and there (pay attention to the behavior of the iron gate in the convent towards the very end), but that's rendered irrelevant by the movie magic. This is the kind of movie I'd show my kids to encourage qualities of bravado, chivalry, independent spirit, and good old-fashioned manliness. Also, I'm not familiar with the historical context, but it's there, and it makes me want to find out more.

Recommended for anyone who likes old-time adventures, voluptuous blondes, freedom fighters, or just an all-around good time. Oh, also - if you're into black metal, this flick has a couple of choice scenes for you! Not quite Mosquito Coast but...

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Singapore Sling (1990)

9/10

Whoa

26 June 2006

This is one of the most unique films I've ever seen, and I'll probably remember scenes from it till the day I die. Beautiful photography? Check. Non-linear plot line and weird storytelling techniques (talking to the audience, language mixing)? Check. Haunting soundtrack? Check. Black humor? Definite check. Some of the most bizarre erotic scenes ever filmed outside of porn? Oh yeah. A mix of utter revulsion and sensuous, wayward eroticism. Certain morsels of cinema that's classified as seriously weird by most run the risk of being weird for weirdness' sake; I'm happy to say that this is not one of them. Everything adheres to the film's internal logic, which would be my biggest criticism of movies that are considered 'out there'. Goes without saying this is not for the faint-hearted. A serious, deranged noir poem, one I will relish springing upon friends without any forewarning.

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4 (2004)

4/10

My take on why it was banned

10 June 2006

Perhaps being a former Moscovite myself and having an elastic sense of humor prevents me from tossing this movie into the 'arthouse/festival crap' trashcan. It's not the greatest film of 2005, nor is it complete garbage. It just has a lot of problems. I also sincerely doubt this movie was banned due to any 'ideological fears', or 'conservative taboos' or any other reason this movie might conversely be called 'courageous' and 'uncompromising' abroad. It was banned because the censors knew 99% of the Russian film-goers would find it offensive because of the bad taste exercised during the shooting and editing of this otherwise dull film.

So we have a strong opening shot. Wonderful sound design, excellent premise - laden with meaning and symbolism. The usage and placement of symbols will consistently be of the film's strongest aspects (not that the number 4 is a daunting visual challenge). Over the next 40 minutes we have an equally strong setup. An amusing and well-written bar conversation among the 3 (main?) characters, and we feel pathos for these people, the great country of Russia, the human condition and all that. Then the movie starts slowing down. We begin to wonder what -yawn- lies ahead.

The rest is quite boring, simply put. Sure, the guy in the village tugs the heartstrings, and there are some slightly amusing moments. Nice sound, sure. But the enjoyment of this movie, not to mention the plot, are seriously compromised by the pacing problems. And this, this lack of a payoff for sitting through all the (nicely-shot) abject misery and bleakness, is what ultimately will make people angry at the 'offensive' stuff (personally, the main offensive scene bordered on being endearing, in that pathetic way harmless drunks can appear).

If you want to watch an enjoyable movie where Russians get wasted for prolonged periods of time (the entire film), watch Particulars of the National Hunt. Much more rewarding post-Soviet stuff. So yeah, a 4 out of 10 for 4, nice and symbolic of my post-mediocre-film condition.

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Born to Fight (2004)

3/10

Bodyguard #4...

9 August 2005

Warning: Spoilers

I'm not asking for much here. The plot doesn't have to make sense (communist boy-scouts sending crystal-clear broadband hostage-killing footage out of some dingy village and patriotic fervor that would make Rambo 3 blush), as long as the lead dude is kicking bad guy after bad guy in all the places it's supposed to hurt. The exposition doesn't to be need more than 10 minutes at the most. Even cheesy songs are allowed (this is Asian cinema, after all), as long as they're during the love or the grieving segments. But what I do ask for is good ACTION.

Quick plot rundown: Main guy witnesses cop partner die in line of duty at the hands of evil general. Main guy sad, so to forget his sorrow, main guy goes to poor village with sister to hand out sports memorabilia. Coincidentally, evil general's No.1 henchman & terrorist gang decide to hold poor village hostage so government will release evil general. Somehow, a nuclear missile is also involved...

Here, I expected to see some kick-ass Thai boxing. I didn't. Maybe Ong-Bak set the standard too high. But I should've known when I looked the lead dude up and saw that he was in Ong-Bak's credit nether regions as 'bodyguard #4'. Sure, he could do the flip kicks, throw his opponents into pottery, and every once in a while deliver the crushing elbow-drop, but it all just falls flat. Part of the fun of watching the fighting in Ong-Bak was the sense that Tony Jaa is a real badass. He didn't need to hit people more than the viewer's sense of belief found necessary. He was almost untouchable - seeing him dodge limbs and obstacles was just as fun as seeing the beatings. This dude, on the other hand, should've been dead after the first 30-45 minutes (which became the most infuriating plot hole). Pretty much every time someone tried to hit him, they did. His kicks were weak and flabby-looking. His skill truly was at the level of an extra. If they had made the balance-beam chick the star, the whole thing would've been 3 times as entertaining. She had the most gracefully choreographed scenes in the entire movie. For those who absolutely need to see this, fear not: there were plenty of explosions, gun violence, and moving vehicle stunts. But just like the fighting, all of it felt forced and had no heart. Worst part is, they absolutely tried, which brought the whole movie to a comedic pitch not too long after the mayhem started. I wish I could rip on individual scenes, but that would be considered spoiling...

In conclusion: Tony Jaa is back to kick some ass in Tom Yum Goong, so we can all forget about this rip-off and send it to the DVD bins in supermarkets and Walmarts where it belongs.

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