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Dashcam (2021)
So bad
There were some elements I liked. Very few, but still. Most of the actors were good, especially Angela. Honestly, that's the only good thing I can think of.
I'm pretty sure the writer/director thinks this movie is really deep and we've all missed the point of it, but it's so painfully obvious and so silly. Maybe it's just me, but I'm sick of politically-driven horror. Too many horror writers/directors think they're the next Jordan Peele. None of them are correct. But I also wouldn't be surprised if the message here was accidental because it's written in such an amateurish way.
It's filmed as a livestream, like Spree. I thought Spree was fine, but nothing special. Something I liked about that movie was that the comments that keep scrolling on the side of the screen were sometimes funny and really felt like things you'd read in a chat. This movie tries to do that, but it's always cringy. It has how-do-you-do-fellow-kids vibes. There's also no reason for it to be a livestream. At least Spree made it part of the plot.
Finally, and most importantly, the main character is one of the worst protagonists of any movie. I had to skip through most of the first 20 minutes because I just couldn't handle her. And they don't even give us the pay-off of watching her die.
Meet Me in the Bathroom (2022)
Should've been so much better
I was obsessed with this era of rock as a teenager and I still love it all these years later, so I was expecting to love this, but I just didn't.
The film touched on some interesting topics, but never followed through with any of them. Karen O had some terrible things happen to her, but the film talked about each of them for a minute or so and then moved on. And I'd like to know more about Albert Hammond Jr's drug addiction. Where is he now? Where is everyone now? The movie just stops in the 2000s without any real feeling of completion.
Many years ago, I purchased two cheap, "unofficial" documentaries about The Strokes. Meet Me In The Bathroom was not even as good as those were. It didn't feel like there was a narrative or purpose for it. It truly is just a timeline of events. It doesn't even do a good job of telling us why we should care about any of the artists mentioned. It just expects you to know who they are already. So anyone who isn't familiar with this era of rock should probably skip this film altogether.
At certain points, it seemed like the filmmakers were trying to lead us to believe that Julian Casablancas was dead. My roommate who doesn't know about these bands questioned if he was still alive. I know that wasn't their intention, but it happened because there wasn't enough thought put into the film's structure. They kept showing images of Julian looking sad with emotional music and then having voiceovers of people talking about how the music industry wasn't what he thought it would be or how he could never find where he belonged, etc.
Also, I hate that Ryan Adams gets to have a voice in this film. In fact, I was going to rate this movie a 5 and lowered it one point because of that. I have no idea what the filmmakers' opinion on him is because, again, it's just a timeline of events without any personality, but the film almost gives him a pass on a lot of things because they refuse to pick a side. Not only was he the one to introduce drugs to Albert, he was basically a groupie, obsessed with The Strokes. Given the fact that his most successful album is just covers of Taylor Swift songs, it's no surprise that he's a leech, but I wish the film had pointed that out more. He also claimed The Strokes were rude to him at one point because they were at the end of their fame and probably jealous. It's obvious to anyone paying attention that that's not why they didn't want him around, but The Strokes never get to share their side. So, a lot of people watching probably believe Adams, especially people coming into this without knowing anything about him.
Hocus Pocus 2 (2022)
Once was enough
The first Hocus Pocus is a movie I can rewatch any time and never get tired of it, even after three decades. I watched the sequel right after it came out and, since I was expecting a live-action Mulan level failure, I came away thinking the sequel was okay. Then, I watched it a second time with other people and the flaws were much more obvious.
The humor was probably my least favorite part. It was so over the top, which is way too common these days. The first one was silly, but it felt more theatrical rather than childish and cringey. The first one felt like they gave the actors more freedom to make the characters their own, which is probably why the comedy felt more natural.
I also think Disney's creative team primarily focuses on their image these days, rather than good storytelling. Sometimes a good movie slips out, but it's the exception, not the rule. With Hocus Pocus 2, it felt like they were trying way too hard to be diverse, like so many other shows. They included diverse characters in a more realistic way than most shows these days, but it felt like that was their main priority. That just leads to bad storytelling because writers are put into a box. I'm part of the LGBT+ community and there was never a point in the first movie where I thought, this would be so much better if there was an obviously gay character, a gay couple briefly shown, and drag queens. I don't appreciate pandering. I just want a good script.
Also, I wanted more cameos. The witches and Billy were the only good things about this movie (except Billy's carnival excursions (which were done better in Stranger Things season 3 with Alexei), but I wanted others. It makes sense that Max wouldn't have stayed in Salem and I know Thora Birch had scheduling conflicts. But the Dennison parents would be there, Ice and Jay would be there, and Allison would definitely have stayed. She loved Salem.
To be fair, cameos for the sake of it might not work, but Salem isn't a huge town. It would make sense for the new characters to run into the old ones once in a while. For example, Allison could've been the owner or manager of the museum. The lack of cameos and that end credit scene make it feel like they're trying too hard to create a franchise where there really doesn't need to be one.
On Christmas Eve, I watched the Christmas Story sequel and I kept thinking, this is what I wanted Hocus Pocus 2 to be. Whatever you think of the Christmas Story sequel, it's hard to deny it had the same energy as the first one, which is the only thing I wanted for Hocus Pocus 2.
The Black Phone (2021)
Good start, then a let down
The first 45 minutes to an hour went by pretty quickly. There were things I didn't love about it but it was still well filmed and well acted, so I was into it. The second half of the movie lost me.
I'm not sure why there needed to be a supernatural element at all. The phone calls and the sister's psychic visions seemed to only serve the purpose of making things much easier for the main character, which took a lot of the tension out. It's especially silly because Robin says to Finney that he needs to stand up for himself. But he doesn't really do that. He gets help the entire time from the boys who went before him, his sister, the police, and the brother.
He does set an interesting but totally unbelievable trap at the end. First of all, there just happened to be a space under the wall just big enough for a rope? And he was able to dig a huge hole in the ground in a matter of a few days? And if he's smart enough to set that trap, why wasn't he smart enough to set the smaller rug next to the window after the bars were torn off and climb out that way?
On a separate note, how is it that so many horror villains are able to keep an entire hidden underground layer in the suburbs? No one knew about it? No one even saw them doing construction?
The moment the film completely lost me was when it used one of my least favorite horror tropes. Finney escapes and then gets recaptured. There was no reason for that except to add some cheap tension.
If this movie had any depth at all, I probably would've loved it, but it was superficiality masquerading as depth.
We're All Going to the World's Fair (2021)
Don't go in with expectations
I fully understand why most people don't like this movie. It's the kind of movie you have to relate to in order to enjoy it. If you can't relate, consider yourself lucky. But the marketing was also wrong. It's interesting to look at what critics had to say about it when they went in completely blind and how it differs from audience opinions after marketing went out.
Even if you didn't like the movie, it's hard to argue that the main actress is phenomenal. I can't believe she hasn't been in a movie before. I don't want to say anything about the plot, but if you've ever been lost and unmotivated or felt dead inside, this movie is worth seeing.
Barbarian (2022)
Started strong and lost steam
For the first hour or so, I thought I was going to really enjoy it. I love the way you think it's going to be a thriller about a girl stuck in a house with a creepy guy and then it takes a hard left turn. Using Bill Skarsgard was a brilliant idea because you automatically associate him as a villain, so you don't expect what happens to him pretty early on. I can't say it's the most surprising thing that's happened in a film, but still interesting.
The movie lost me completely when the police officers showed up. There is no police officer who would see Tess the way she was looking in that scene and think she was lying about being kidnapped. I kept expecting them to be in on it, but nope. They're just poorly written. When they drove off, the car drives away slowly and it looks like the driver is giving a sinister look. But it turns out it was just an opportunity for the writer to milk his cameo.
After that, it seemed like every single thing that happened was written by a middle schooler. Everything was so messy and contrived. It feels like the writer came up with a concept they liked and thought that was enough to make a good movie, without having to put any effort into making a good script. What a letdown.
Hell House LLC (2015)
Nothing special
Tl;dr: If you like found footage, you might like this. If you don't, then you probably won't.
If I had known this was going to be found footage, I don't think I would've started it. Once it was started, I just watched it because why not? It turned out to be a typical genre film. Nothing new or special.
The characters have no personalities. I had trouble telling the difference between them and I still can't match the names to the faces. They're average dude bros, like most found footage protagonists. There's a couple of token girls in there who's only purpose is to scream at things and be ogled at by the pervert of the group (cause there always has to be one). It feels like 90s or early 2000s dynamics, but it was made in 2015. It's way behind the times.
The acting is the same as all the other found footage movies - meh. It's hard to act like you're not acting and low budget films don't have the budget for great actors, so the ones they get never really pull it off. They always end up making the movie feel cheesy.
The plot is nothing new. They enter a hotel with a vengeful spirit and things start happening. But you barely see any of it because of the shaky camera and strobe lights.
There were some pretty good eerie moments and it didn't as overboard with the jump scares as some low budget horror flicks. That's about the only good thing I can say about it.
Spree (2020)
Go in with no expectations
I think the main reason I liked this is because I assumed it would be embarrassingly terrible. It ended up being slightly above average.
If you want to see a gritty take on the dangers of social media, look elsewhere. This is more of a satire. It's not realistic at all and there are plenty of silly things that happen, but they fit in the story. You should only watch this if you're willing to go along for the ride (no pun intended).
I saw another review that compared this to Creep. I hated Creep. I think I liked this one more is because Joe Keery is much more entertaining to follow for a whole movie than the actor in Creep (can't remember his name). There's also more that happens in this one, so it's less boring. But, yeah, the vibe is very similar.
Fresh (2022)
Definitely worth watching
It's best to go into this without knowing much, so I'll just give a few likes and dislikes.
Likes:
- The length. A few reviewers said it was too long, but I actually would've liked it if it were longer too.
- The actors. Everyone was right for their role, especially the two mains. Noa is an every-girl, so a lot of people could've played her, but if anyone other than Sebastian Stan played Steve, it would've been terrible.
- Aesthetic. There were a few shots that looked a little too much like a college film project, but other than that, I love the look.
Dislikes:
- Comedy. Every attempt at comedy fell flat. It just made it feel over-written. I actually like movies that are meticulously scripted/choreographed, but I don't want it to feel like the director/writer are trying too hard.
- The final fight could've been choreographed better. That's all I'll say about that.
The Bronze (2015)
Not worth a watch
When the movie started and I saw it was a Duplass brothers production, I almost turned it off immediately, and I should have. The only reason I didn't is because I'd been wanting to see this movie for several years. So I went into this really wanting to like it. In the first quarter of this movie, I was planning on giving this 4-6 stars, but as it went on, it got harder and harder to sit through.
First of all, it's made clear throughout the film that Hope is supposed to be Kerri Strug. I wouldn't mind this at all if Hope was more likeable. But she's awful - narcissistic, spoiled, mean, a cheater - and she never redeems herself. That just seems cruel. Even I, Tonya made Tonya Harding seem likeable. What did Kerri Strug ever do?
The characters are annoying and flat and never grow at all. They all feel like they're just caricatures. I mean, Maggie, the young gymnast, is so over-the-top optimistic and ditzy that it makes me want to buy a copy of this movie just so I can throw it out a window.
Melissa Rauch's accent is so weird. I'm not sure if she was trying to do a southern accent or not, but she just sounded like she was straining the whole time. And Middleditch's accent isn't much better. Speaking of the actors, why was Cecily Strong cast as Maggie's mom? She's way too young. She's four years younger than Melissa Rauch. When she was introduced, I expected her to say she was a stepmom or something, but nope. We're just supposed to be on board without question.
I could be wrong, but I honestly feel like this movie would have even worse reviews if Sebastian Stan wasn't in it. His Bucky fanbase loves anything he does. But, to be fair, he's the best thing in this film.
PEN15 (2019)
Pretty Good, But Far From Perfect
First, I'll say what I love about the show. I love that two 30-somethings are playing the leads. I've read some of the other reviews and it seems that not everyone agrees. But I think it's hilarious. Middle school is awkward and confusing and uncomfortable. Having those actors pretending to be in love with 13-year-old boys or trying to become friends with 13-year-old girls conveys that ickiness of middle school without directly commenting on it. Genius.
And while we're talking about the actors, the younger ones are actually really good, which I wasn't expecting. They always treat the older two like they're the same age. They never break the fourth wall. That's impressive.
I also love the storylines in the first seasons and first half of the second season, and most of the humor is right in my sweet spot. I watched this alone and actually laughed out loud a few times.
Now, for what I don't like.
I said before that I think this show is funny, but a lot of the humor is too gross for me. In the second episode, Maya learns about masturbation. Most of that episode was funny to me, but at one point, she lifts her hand up and it has discharge on it. I don't want to see that.
There's another episode... I can't remember exactly what happens. I think it's the episode where they're looking at their vaginas in a mirror. During the credits, there are two animated talking vaginas that look a little too real for my taste. Maybe I'm more conservative than I thought I was, but why do we need to see that? It's especially gross when you remember these are supposed to be children.
Finally, I just didn't like the animated episode or anything that came after it. It's great that the show takes risks, but a full animated episode just didn't work for me. It was only a special, so whatever, but the episodes that came after it were not great either. My biggest problem was that they both got high school boyfriends, which didn't make sense for their characters at all. It just felt like the writers were trying too hard to come up with storylines. Once those boyfriends came in, the whole vibe of the show felt off. Sam and their other friends were almost completely absent. It just felt like a chore to sit through.
I really wish they had done another season or special episode so that the show could've ended on a high note.
Kid 90 (2021)
Not good
For the first few minutes, I liked seeing the home videos of 90s teens. I actually didn't care that they were famous even though I grew up seeing them on TV. But the novelty of it wears off pretty quickly. So if you're interested in that aspect of it, just watch some clips on YouTube. It'll be more entertaining in small doses like that.
From the beginning, it's very clear that Soleil is full of herself and this is purely a vanity project. There's a ton of name dropping. It's weird because I went into this knowing that the videos were going to be all famous people, so I was prepared for her friends to be famous. And even though I went into it with that knowledge, the name dropping and showing off was so over the top and off putting.
It's also just a messy film. It doesn't have a clear narrative and doesn't flow well at all. There were several deaths in the film but I have a hard time remembering who died, other than Brandis and that's only because that's the most famous death in there. When she mentions it, it's more about how hurt she was, not about honoring them. I believe Soleil doesn't even realize how self centered it is. She implies throughout the movie that she's giving a gift to everyone by releasing these tapes.
I really wish she had given all the tapes to someone else to put it all together. I would've loved an objective look at all of this done by someone who knows how to make a meaningful documentary.
The Dig (2021)
Okay Movie, Uncomfortable Casting
The movie itself is okay, so if the casting doesn't bother you, give it a watch, you'll probably like it.
What made me uncomfortable was the clear misogyny in the casting choices. Carey Mulligan's character is Edith Pretty. The real Edith Pretty was in her 50s when this took place. Carey Mulligan is in her 30s. She's a great actress, but there are great British actresses that are of the right age. It's appalling how casting directors think women over 40 don't deserve time on screen. I wouldn't have had as much of a problem with it, but there were certain parts that just felt wrong. For example, it's clear that Basil Brown (Ralph Fiennes) and Edith have a crush on each other, which Brown's wife even comments on. It would make more sense if they were closer in age.
Speaking of which, Brown's wife is of the appropriate age and look. She doesn't wear makeup and is overweight. It's like the filmmakers are saying, "It's okay for him to like Carey Mulligan. I mean, look what he's got at home."
Lily James' character, Peggy, is the right age, but not the right look or personality. The real Peggy was more tomboyish and not nearly as ditsy as the character. In fact, the real Peggy didn't just hang with the men, she was better than most of them. In the movie, she's played as a silly little girl who lets her emotions get the best of her. Besides, just watch any scene of her with her supposed husband. Are you kidding me? Why would she be with him? She's clearly not experienced or intelligent (the character, not the real woman) and she's pretty enough to find anyone she wants. So why would she be here? It's gross. But the movie does sort of address this by having her CHEAT ON HER HUSBAND with a younger, cuter man, who didn't even exist in real life. Did the filmmakers really think they were honoring her legacy with this film? Or did they only care about honoring the men?
Predictably, the male characters are all of the appropriate age and look.
I couldn't get into the story because it just felt wrong. I honestly can't believe Carey Mulligan, who seems to be a huge supporter of women, would take this role. It's painfully obvious, especially with the ending card (whatever you call it) that explains what happened after the events of the film, that the movie was made for the sole purpose of giving credit to Basil Brown. That's a noble purpose for a film, but there's no need to throw the women under the bus for that.
J'ai perdu mon corps (2019)
Unexpected
I was not expecting anything from this. I just wanted something I could watch while working out. This ended up becoming a new favorite. I'd recommend watching it without reading a synopsis or too many detailed reviews. Let it take you by surprise too.
The Good Place (2016)
Awful
I honestly believe a lot of the reviews with 8-10 stars are fake. There's no way that many people actually like this.
It's not funny at all, especially after the first season. The plot twist at the end of the first season was okay but it should have ended there. I started watching the second season and it feels like the writers don't even care. I wouldn't be surprised if each episode was written in less than an hour. It's so cheesy. The characters are obnoxious and most of the actors are terrible.
I'm almost embarrassed to watch it with other people. It's that cringy. I really like Michael Schur and wanted to like this show, too, but it's horrible.