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Reviews
The Changeling (2023)
Dark Dark Show Editor must have been on strike
Like many AppleTV shows they seem to have made this with very poor lighting, this just annoys. The story is also very dark, I found myself wondering what kind of dark mind thought this up, they may need therapy. Then I thought it was highlighting post natal depression but it was not, actually that would have been more interesting and real. What does not help is jumping back and forth in time, how about something novel, START AT THE BEGINNING chronologically. It is not spoiler to say that this show needs serious editing, it could probably be cut to three 60m episodes, in fact when you get to Episode 7 you realise that they have inserted a totally unrelated story, so you can skip it and be grateful, episode 8 has about 20m of content, Apple so annoy with 6m of previews, ads for other shows, etc. I want to make clear that I LIKED the early performances, the actors did perform well, in fact that is what made me suffer it to the end, albeit that I skipped the filler episode. I think Apple would get higher ratings if it have this a serious pruning and released it as a two or three part mini series in chronological order. However AppleTV get so much wrong, from the TV Portal layout, the lack of proper search and mixing paid and included content which seriously annoys. I have had AppleTV for nearly a year and I think I have only found about 10 things to watch in all that time. If they did not put in so much filler rubbish maybe they could afford the lighting for the shows they do. I think this show had potential, but was ruined, not sure who or why, but the actors are worth watching out for.
Invasion (2021)
I will watch almost any SciFi but this is truly AWFUL
First it seems the film was shot with such poor lighting that no amount of adjusting your picture will help, this only makes the totally irrelevant story lines even harder to suffer.
I might have said fast forward the dull bits but this is on AppleTV which is the worst platform for forward rewind not to mention the truly dire Apple interface.
So this movie is supposed to be about an invasion but really there are just boring unconnected stories that are poor drama, poorly acted and poorly edited.
If Aliens wanted to kill off mankind then they could show this movie and make them lose the will to live.
Honestly I would watch almost any sci-fi, put up with the worst but this actually made me angry. Other reviewers say the first three episodes are drivel, I can't see many holding out for 3 episodes.
Not only is it all irrelevant but it is hard to watch, poorly filmed, the worst lighting and so slow that you might think you have been sedated.
If Apple are thinking of continuing this, DON'T.
Kaleidoscope (2023)
WARNING Read this BEFORE you watch a single episode! Ruined by Gimmick
Would you watch Game of Thrones in a random order of episodes? No of course not it would ruin it!
Tarantino tried this with Pulp Fiction, I edited it & can tell you it is far better in right order.
What the fools who created Kaleidoscope did was name the episodes by color, but in a random order. It would not be so bad if the episodes were named in chronological order, but they are not.
So you have to start each episode, make a note of whether it is 25 years before or 1 day after "the event" and watch it in the right order. RUINED WHAT MIGHT HAVE BEEN an OK series.
A WASTE of talented actors, whoever thought this gimmick helped a weak script should be FIRED.
NETFLIX TAKE NOTE, IF YOU DO THIS AGAIN I WILL NOT EVEN TRY TO WATCH ANY EPISODE.
After Life (2019)
Loved Series 1, Peturbed by some of Series 2, HATED Series 3
It is very rarely that a series that does not change writer can go from a 9 star to a 1 star.
I really loved series 1, so if you are going to start this series stop at the end of Series 1 and you will have enjoyed it.
The series deals with subject matter that people rarely confront so hats off to Ricky Gervais for that.
Series 2 goes a bit of the rails at times/
Series 3 got me really angry, there are only six episodes and blame Covid for it taking forever, but it is like watching a totally different show.
Series 3 is very crude & vile, it really is grotesque, I might expect this when Ricky is on the stage and I have no problem with it there, even when some are offended, but in this series it serves no purpose at all to the story and is at times on the level of Derek and Clive.
Worst of all Series 3 is depressing, not because of the subject but because it is like 6 filler episodes in a row.
The story really does not move forward, in fact it moves backwards.
It also lacks credibility. It is no spoiler that the series uses flashbacks in the form of video recordings made, but this has been taken to daft levels.
People film events, maybe if they are going to play a joke on someone, or there is a party or a baby is being cute. You do not pull out a camcorder to film a random conversation between you, your wife and your aging dad.
If these were filler episodes I might have give Series 4 a chance, but the level of truly vile content means I will not try it.
I changed my thumbs up to a thumbs down on Netflix and if I were Netflix I WOULD CANCEL THE SHOW.
Lost in Space (2018)
Not really a spoiler but I will mark it so in case you are sensitve to honest reviews
It all stated off OK, but then it just got ridiculous.
Without spoiling too much each episode has anxiety level critical things that are not only not credible but soon there are three or four concurrently.
To make thinks more irritating they have intrusive music that is supposed to be exciting but just annoys and each scene ends with loud drums.
In between there are memories of younger years that are just fillers because the episode needed padding, they bear no relevance to the script.
So keep that remote in your hand, you can FF the anxiety bits when someone is in danger because you will not miss anything, you can FF any memories too.
Also there are evil characters these are just stupid and poorly written, again they stretch the credibility (that people would be so gullible as to fall for their sheeeet) but also because they get out of any restraints etc.
For example if you had a sub dermal chip why would you need a security pass, if you had a security pass would the computer system that managed said security not have any access control, so records could be changed and such changes would allow change of all fields.
At the moment each episode is taking less than 10m to watch because content not worth watching, I mean you know everyone will be OK in the end.
The only reason I am bothering is because I hope Series 3 will be a vast improvement.
The Snowman (2017)
Awful Trailer confirms worst fears
I do not know who it is who creates these Trailors but watching this one simple put me off watching the movie.
Stupid drums do you axctually think they are thrilling, jjust ear abuse and sequences to short to make any sense.
If you can't even make a trailor there is no hope for the movie.
Also a trailer should not make it not worth watching the move, the idea is to entice us into watching.
It comes to somethine when I am more afraid it is going to be a kwap movie than actually share the fear of the plot.
Finally saw the movie at a friends and my worst fears were confirmed.
Next time I see such a trailer I know to just not bother.
Bonjour Anne (2016)
A very enjoyable movie, especially if you like France
Anyone who has travelled within France will enjoy this movie just for the scenery and reminders of cuisine (albeit that a French waiter will never serve two people from the same position, as would be from left of one and from right of other).
However, I also liked the "will she won't she" aspect of the romantic drama which keeps up to the very last scene (no I am not going to spoil it).
This is not a movie you can watch while you mess about on your phone or iPad, it requires and deserves your full attention.
The actors are brilliant and really authentic in their roles, I know French men like Jacques (Arnaud Viard) for whom seduction is very similar to his approach in this movie.
Diane Lane is a delight and also very authentic, as always!
Enjoy!
Bon Cop Bad Cop 2 (2017)
A really weak movie made intolerable.
This movie has a very weak plot so very easy to ditch, but what really kills it is this STUPID DUMB slang language.
I will watch subtitled movies in a dozen different languages, but this tripe has 3 languages interchanges with every dialogue, it is intolerable.
If it was all in French it would be fine, or all in English OK too, but this Stupid slang that a minority of Canadians even understand, what damn demographic is that? So maybe they are pleased that their bastardization of language is in a movie but you peez off all the English and French speaking viewers.
Even mixing French and English in the same scene is intolerable; just make a French one end to end or an English one end to end.
I should point out that I had subtitles and it was still intolerable! As I said, the plot is so weak most people will abandon it or wish they could get those hours back (yes it is horrendously long too).
So if you value your time or simply wish to be entertained, GIVE THIS TRIPE A MISS. You will be glad you did!
A Ghost Story (2017)
Enough to make you think you have died! Do not bother!
I have never felt the need to give a spoiler warning but it is hard to review without giving the game away, but I will try.
You see this movie is duller than watching paint dry, did somebody actually put up the funds, boy they must be spitting nails.
I tried watching at 4x the speed and it was still painfully slow, I tried 8x but lost the audio, so went back to 4x.
There is NOTHING good about this movie. I mean it not a thing.
It is hard to say what is more painful, watching it or knowing I cannot get that time back.
What is most annoying is that this had an IMDb rating of 73% at the time of writing, the only explanation can be that they wanted to spread the pain of watching this truly awful movie.
It is not as if this is some arty title, it is just crap.
So you have been warned, it is truly dire from beginning to end.
Sunshine (2007)
Awful Tripe
When I started watching this it was not long before I realised it needed serious editing, still I stuck with it.
It actually had about 15 minutes where it showed some hope but then it just became totally awful.
The story line introduced some freddy kruger character with no skin and it just became silly as he went around the ship trying to kill all the crew and of course they were totally helpless.
What annoys me the most is how this crap go a 7.3 in IMDb with 200k views.
I know to not take much notice of IMDb scores until 20k have scored it, so I can only assume that the studio found some way to game the IBDM system.
This is one of those movies that you really regret even starting.
You have been warned!
The Northlander (2016)
Awful Tripe, How can this happen?
I usually do not bother watching a movie with less than 60% on IMDb, in fact nearer to 70%, but I am a sucker for anything set in the future. I guess I am going to have to be stricter about this.
I find myself asking "how can this happen"? Quite how 900 people got this movie to 59% (at the time of writing) is beyond me. Is there some new way for studios to leave fake reviews on IMDb? This movie is SO SLOW it might as well be in slow motion.
It is actually painful to sit through, practically plot less, the acting is dire and there nothing here for anyone. Even the fight scenes look like badly rehearsed wrestling from the 1970's.
Some movies leave you wanting those 2 hours of your life back, but others make you determined to just forget it. This one only lasts 83 minutes but it feels like 5 hours! I gave it a couple of days and tried again, sadly it was just as bad.
The reason I felt compelled to come and leave you this review is so that you might at least be saved from watching this terrible movie. It is too late for me, but not for you, choose something else!! I love movies and will give almost any a go but this is complete tripe.
I guess that from now on I will have to wait until tens of thousands have voted if I am to trust IMDb scores.