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Reviews
Damsel (2024)
The opening scenes make it obvious this wasn't set up for success
Let's start with the beginning. Why were the princesses (or whatever the heck Elodie and Floria were supposed to be) out in the middle of nowhere, chopping wood? Like...were there no people with horses and carts who could have, I don't know, dragged the wood to the castle? And then maybe the macho-chick could have chopped her wood right there by the castle, for all to see and appreciate, where she could then easily give it away to the poor and needy. Then we learn Elodie chops the last piece of wood in the entire kingdom and winter isn't even half over. But hey, let's head back to the castle where, for some bizarre reason, we're having open fire pits in the middle of walkways and out in the open. Because we clearly have so much wood we can burn it anywhere, not just inside in enclosed spaces where it makes sense to trap the heat. That's just the start of the problems with this movie.
If they had spent more time setting up the kingdom and their woes, and less time following Elodie around as she pants, grunts, and groans loudly, this movie would have been better. If they had tossed the evil queen in the pit, gladiator style, this movie would have been better. If they gave step-mother something more exciting to do than be the token secondary character of color, this movie would have been better.
I get fantasy movies take a step back from reality, but there are too many times where things are so improbable it jars me out of the moment and ruins it.
Am I mad I watched it? No. But I'm upset, because this should and could have been better than it was, with the cast they had.
Your Place or Mine (2023)
It has such promise...
I really wanted to like this. I like the actors, and I was excited to see a movie that wasn't about a twenty year old. I think the problem is that it tries WAY TOO HARD to be all kinds of things (funny, politically correct, romantic) and so fails at everything. The jokes just weren't funny. The scene at the beginning where Ashton is moving on? Quitting? I honestly have no idea what, exactly, is happening, but the businessmen acting like idiots was mind boggling. What professional tells another to add his contact, and then delete it, just so he can have the last word? I get it's supposed to be funny, but it just fell flat. A perfect example of the ditzy business guy is the FBI dude from Ant Man. HE is hilarious in his understated ignorance. This was just...awkward.
Back to the Outback (2021)
Deadly animals are friends, not enemies
That's the main point, that deadly animals are really just kind cuddle bugs. Ugly is the new beautiful. I get the idea, teaching kids to like themselves no matter how they look, but doing it with actually deadly animals doesn't really make sense. That and the rampant animal abuse and humans as the ultimate villains trashing those animals makes this movie a confusing bomb. My 4 year old liked it, but the 15 year old wouldn't stop making fun of it.
Elena of Avalor: Spellbound (2016)
First death in Elena of Avalor?
I just want to comment that this episode was very well done. I *love* the song. I just thought that the writers might have forgotten something...you know, that guard in the beginning? The one who discovers that evil wizard wandering around the castle? The one who gets turned into stone? And then, subsequently, doesn't ever get un- turned to stone? Yep, that's the one. The poor guy died I guess, because Elena and friends didn't make it back to him to drop some of that never ending tiny bottle of magical elixir on him. I hope they add some kind of memorial note for the poor guy to the end of the episode. Or that Elena at least makes a plaque for him in that they display somewhere in Avalor.
RIP nameless guard!