Change Your Image
Chef_Brian
Occupation: Beef Potato Wheelman
Sometimes there is a sunset. In that sunset is cottage cheese.
It doesn't burn, because it's made of tar and asphalt. Eat it if you want head worms.
They know what you're thinking.
I am a dynamic figure, often seen scaling walls and crushing ice. I have been known to remodel train stations on my lunch breaks, making them more efficient in the area of heat retention. I translate ethnic slurs for Cuban refugees, I write award-winning operas, I manage time efficiently. Occasionally, I tread water for three days in a row.
I woo women with my sensuous and godlike trombone playing, I can pilot bicycles up severe inclines with unflagging speed, and I cook Thirty Minute Brownies in twenty minutes. I am an expert in stucco, a veteran in love, and an outlaw in Peru.
Using only a hoe and a large glass of water, I once single-handedly defended a small village in the Amazon Basin from a horde of ferocious army ants. I play bluegrass cello, I was scouted by the Mets. I am the subject of numerous documentaries. When I'm bored, I build large suspension bridges in my yard. I enjoy urban hang gliding. On Wednesdays, after school, I repair electrical appliances free of charge.
I am an abstract artist, a concrete analyst, and a ruthless bookie. Critics worldwide swoon over my original line of corduroy evening wear. I don't perspire. I am a private citizen, yet I receive fan mail. I have been caller number nine and won the weekend passes. Last summer I toured New Jersey with a traveling centrifugal-force demonstration. I bat .400. My deft floral arrangements have earned me fame in international botany circles. Children trust me.
I can hurl tennis rackets at small moving objects with deadly accuracy. I once read Paradise Lost, Moby Dick, and David Copperfield in one day and still had time to refurbish an entire dining room that evening. I know the exact location of every food item in the supermarket. I have performed covert operations for the CIA. I sleep once a week; when I do sleep, I sleep in a chair. While on vacation in Canada, I successfully negotiated with a group of terrorists who had seized a small bakery. The laws of physics do not apply to me.
I balance, I weave, I dodge, I frolic, and my bills are all paid. On weekends, to let off steam, I participate in full-contact origami. Years ago I discovered the meaning of life but forgot to write it down. I have made extraordinary four-course meals using only a Mouli and a toaster oven. I breed prizewinning clams. I have won bullfights in San Juan, cliff-diving competitions in Sri Lanka, and spelling bees at the Kremlin. I have played Hamlet, I have performed open-heart surgery, and I have spoken with Elvis.
P.S. More people need to listen to Sunny Day Real Estate.
PS: This is what part of the alphabet would look like if the letters 'Q' and 'R' were eliminated.
Reviews
Limitless (2011)
A pretty good action/thriller
Limitless seems like an attempt to push Bradley Cooper out of his Romance/Comedy safe zone and into the role of future possible action star. He's built right for it too, sort of more likable Matthew McConaughey with his chiseled looks and piercing blue eyes. Limitless attempts to do for Cooper what The Bourne Identity did for Matt Damon; remake him from a pretty boy romantic lead into a gritty dark hero.
It works too, for the most part. Limitless is a fun ride all the way through and it's visually striking to boot. It opens with a steady camera zooming through Manhatten, through streets and taxi cab windows, it sets a good tone for the rest of the film.
The story centres around the myth that humans are only using a tiny portion of our brains at once. Cooper plays Edward Morra, a writer with a book contract but a terrible case of writers block. Within the first few minutes he's dumped by his girlfriend for lack of motivation in his life and runs into his ex brother-in-law, from a very brief marriage right after college. Vernon, the ex-brother-in-law is never given a last name because he's only there to introduce the main plot of the movie. He gives Morra a clear pill that he claims will give him the focus he needs to finish his book, along with his business card just in case. Being in a desperate state Morra takes the pill while being shouted at by his landlords wife for being behind on the rent. Within thirty seconds he's deducing everything around him and naturally, beds the wife and does her law school paper that she was stressing over. He then writes a massive chunk of the novel and falls asleep. The next morning he's lost his newfound mental abilities but he does have enough of a novel to hand in to his publisher along with a fantastically clean apartment, being that a side effect of the drug is OCD, apparently.
He stops by Vernons apartment to see about getting some more, but this is where things go wrong. The plot unfolds around Morra using his stash of the drug to advance quickly through the world of high finance, attracting the attention of Robert De Niro, playing a sinister Warren Beatey-type of stock market broker, while avoiding sinister figures who are after every pill they can find and are killing everyone connected to it. Also, it turns out that the drug has serious side effects if you take it regularly but will also kill you if you stop.
It's best if you don't think about the movie and just enjoy the story and stunning visual effects. There are plot holes big enough to throw Matthew McConaughey's ego through, but considering the movie is built upon a faulty premise, picking it apart defeats the purpose. It's just a fun thriller that gives you a couple hours of entertainment. It's well made, well acted and is paced about right.
There is one scene where he licks blood off the floor (because it's laced with the drug) that will absolutely kill any romantic comedy hotness Mr Cooper possessed, but I don't think that's anything but a plus. It just means we might see him expand more into action oriented roles, and if Limitless is any indication, he might just be able to swing it.