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Reviews
Gramps Goes to College (2014)
Yeah....No
So painful. First, the college students appear to be in their 30's, which diminishes the strength of the premise, which is a 60+ year old man returning to college to straighten out the kids. Seriously, a 'dad' drops off his freshman daughter to the dorms with dad and daughter basically same age. Mom couldn't be there because she has a job, which they insinuate is a problem. Obviously she doesn't respect the Lord and traditional family values.
"Gramps" is a pompous insufferable know-it-all who makes every conversation confrontational, and about Jesus and the Bible, or the government and fluoride. The writing is atrocious, the acting worse, and Gramps has laughable arguments against science and evolution.
At some point, the biology professor invites Gramps to dinner at her place so she can throw herself at him ((WHAT!?)) but before they eat, he forcibly covers her shoulders so he won't have lustful thoughts. Another male character clamps his hand over his girlfriend's mouth to shut her up, and they both laugh like that's cute.
At the movie's conclusion, a student raises a girl from the dead, the drunk biology professor suddenly sobers up and believes in religion only to get fired, and the students insist on bringing God into the biology class.
People love these movies for camp value, but I think they were seriously trying to make a Christian Dead Poets Society.
Princess Cut (2015)
Watch it for the camp value!
Pure cringe, purity culture! The main character Grace's sole reason to exist is to get married. Somehow she has a worldly secular girlfriend who slipped past her parents' notice. They talk about BoYs and look at engagement rings.
One night she is expecting her college 'boyfriend' to propose, and he clearly didn't even think they were dating. "Why does this keep happening to me!?!"
She meets and starts seeing Jared, but he wants to get too physical for her. She has no life experience or self confidence to set boundaries, except to turn away from him when he tries to kiss her, and say "not until you put a ring on it."
There is a funny segment where Grace's little brother places a newspaper ad looking for a good man for Grace, and an assortment of misfits show up to the door. (It is not clear what year the movie is supposed to take place, but they do have iPhones. Still, everyone in the area reads newspapers.)
The dad mentions 'God' in every conversation. The mom is completely subservient to the dad, and I got the feeling that the 'Lord' put them together.
A hunky new neighbor approaches Grace's parents asking for permission to date their daughter with the intention and possibility of marriage BEFORE HE AND GRACE HAVE REALLY EVEN TALKED. Then he's basically dating the whole family until his ex shows up to cause trouble.
Jared, at the end, is pure gold if you can watch that far, attempting to MURDER the new boyfriend. I literally burst out laughing!
Urban Cowboy (1980)
Cringeworthy film portraying violence as the solution to problems
Cringeworthy, watching this 1980 movie in 2020.
John Travolta's character Bud is violent, jealous, & petty. He meets Kitty, who is portrayed to be an independent woman with ideas of her own because she works at a job and wants to ride the mechanical bull at the bar everyone in town goes to every night. They date for about one week, and should be clear to her that he is hot tempered. He slaps her in a fight, they wrestle in a dirty puddle in a parking lot, and naturally the next step is to get married and move into a trailer together. At every step, I hoped she would come to her senses and run. Spoiler: She does run at one point, and starts living with convicted bank robber Wes, and so Bud starts seeing another random woman to make her jealous. When Bud discovers that Wes has beat Kitty, (no man hits my wife but me) he goes after Wes in one final fist fight, receives the glory of inadvertently stopping Wes from getting away after robbing the bar, and everyone cheers as Bud and Kitty are back together.
If this is what real men were like, why would anyone want them? The conclusion of the movie may have made sense if Bud had changed, but the movie did not show this. He solves his problems with violence. His heart-felt apology to Kitty goes "all the way back to the very first time I hit you." Gee Thanks, we're all good now.
Roma (2018)
I could not hate this film more
Slow, tedious panning. Every shot lingers 30 seconds too long--yeah I see the thing you are showing me. Yeah, I still see it, sitting there. Thanks, that's long enough. There are too many scenes with screaming kids, too many crowd scenes with everyone talking at once. Drunk adults randomly shooting guns. More slow tedious panning. Taxidermy heads of all the household dogs mounted on the walls--gross. There is nobody to care about in this film, except to hate their lives. I do not get it, and I'm mad at myself for wasting my time.