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The Conjuring: The Devil Made Me Do It (2021)
Wasted potential
I love the first two Conjuring films. To me, they're the greatest masterpieces of horror of the last couple of decades. I enjoy the entire Conjuring universe, but admittedly the films outside of the original two films are very hit and miss. Annabelle: Creation is the best of that lot by far. Still, they are all enjoyable films overall.
This film? I never thought I'd say this but I was disappointed in it. This is the first time a movie in the original series stumbles. Boy, does it stumble. While I enjoyed it, it's uneven at best because they set up some great things but dropped the ball on how they handled them. I put it on the same level as The Nun, and we all know how that one went. This film had both good and bad things going for it and I'll start with the good.
First, it starts with what has to be one of the most effective sequences in the entire Conjuring universe. It actually sets up the film as a potentially terrifying movie experience. The exorcism of the boy causes Ed to have a heart attack, and he spends the rest of the movie recovering from it while investigating a dangerous case--a great set up. Second, Vera Farmiga and Patrick Wilson are very solid throughout the film. Yes, they've been playing these characters over the course of three films prior to this one (they appear in small roles in Annabelle Comes Home), but if you pay attention they put fresh spins to the characters in each film that actually work. The rest of the cast is all right as well. Not on their level of course, but they don't slum it. Third, the film does manage to briefly capture the atmosphere of the first two films from time to time, and doesn't rely on jump scares to the extent that the second film did. Fourth, it has a refreshing twist in that it isn't the traditional haunted house pic that the first two films are. It wasn't focused in one dwelling like they were. And finally, speaking of twists, it has an especially interesting one in that the main antagonist isn't a hostile ghost or demon that shows up to terrorize with their own agenda but a human threat in the occultist that summons a demon through a curse. It's an intriguing idea and a very different direction for the film with great potential.
Now for the negative. And boy, are they doozies.
First, the film is not directed by James Wan like the first two films were and does it ever show. Wan is an absolute master at establishing and maintaining a creepy, unsettling, and sinister atmosphere from the first frame to the final shot of a horror movie. The director of this film, Michael Chaves, has talent (the opening scene demonstrates that) but he just isn't as gifted as Wan when it comes to maintaining it for the entire film (maybe in time he will be, but he wasn't for this film). While the film does have some genuinely creepy and atmospheric moments I found that there was not one thing in it that actually could be considered scary. Every scare was predictable long before they occurred. When I saw the first two films I actually jumped at times but this film didn't scare me at all. I think it would have worked better if David F. Sandberg directed this, and I actually get the creeps when I think of what James Wan could have done. Second, the film does not live up to the opening sequence at all and kind of falls apart and becomes a mess once the title is displayed. The film just goes into a different direction and nothing in the film can hold a candle to that scene at all. The previous films actually made you think, but this one spells everything out too clearly for the viewer all the way through. Third, I mentioned Ed's heart attack in the opening sequence was a great setup, but it didn't add anything to the final product overall and they wasted a great plot device. The only thing that they tried to do to add tension to that plot device was have Ed forget to bring his medication at one point. He later forgets it again before the final battle but that ends with a twist anyone can see coming. He spends the entire film investigating a case while recovering from it and he exerts himself physically several times beyond a safe limit. Not to mention the considerable psychological stress he puts himself under and he comes out fine each time. This causes a problem in the final act (more on that in a moment). Fourth, the final battle doesn't even approach the level of the danger of the previous two films final confrontations. Like I mentioned, Ed's actions while recovering from his heart attack throughout the film undermined any kind of tension during their dealings with the occultist since you knew he'd be all right the entire time. Finally, I found that the occultist was never actually a threat. Her backstory came too late and they didn't develop her character to make her menacing enough to potentially come out on top in a confrontation with Ed and Lorraine. Admittedly it would be enormously difficult to establish a terrifying and menacing villain like the demon nun Valak of the second film and The Nun (she was the stuff of nightmares and in my opinion the most terrifying demon presented in any movie ever), but with a human villain against our heroes the final struggle should have been more of a challenge for them. Not once did I ever feel she was any kind of a match for the Warrens.
In the end it's still better than the average horror film released these days and it's not bad for what it is. The film definitely suffers from the 'third film in a series' curse and the final result doesn't live up to the potential of the subject matter at all (one of the problems with The Curse of La Llorona, which has the same director). I won't recommend it, but then again I won't condemn it. Watch it and decide for yourself if you're interested. Or don't watch it if you aren't. In the end, it's up to you.
Death House (2017)
whaaaaaaaaat?
Being a fan of horror movies, I was intrigued by Death House. I watched it once and asked myself what the hell just happened. I admit to being quite distracted through the majority of the film, so I guess I wasn't too surprised when it ended and I found it made no sense.
Some time went by and I decided to try again. I paid attention the second time, but it still didn't make a lick of sense. The script was atrocious, as was the acting and the sets were often so dark you couldn't make anything out. The gore was sufficient but unconvincing.
The only good thing about this film was the collection of horror stars. It was fun trying to spot all of them. However, they deserve a better vehicle than this dreck. Some were obviously there for the 'spot the horror movie legend' moments only. The only one that gave a performance that could even remotely be considered acting is Kane Hodder, and it's a stretch to call it that.
I made the mistake of watching it twice. Be smarter than I was and don't even watch the trailer.
Friday the 13th: The Series: Tails I Live, Heads You Die (1988)
So mote it be!
Tails I Live, Heads You Die is probably one of my favourite episodes of the series, so I admit to having a bit of bias towards it. But don't take my word for it, watch it and see the quality for yourself.
First the flaws. The speech Sylvan gives at each ceremony is a bit cheesy, but that's the writer's fault. The makeup on Tyriel is very cheesy, but still has a creep factor. Another thing that could have had a little more attention paid to it is the voice of Satan. It just wasn't threatening enough, sounding like a growling, generic heavy metal singer instead of the Prince of Darkness. But these flaws are minor in the overall picture.
Colin Fox gives one of the most solid performances in his second of three appearances . Here he is Sylvan Winters, a taxidermist who also happens to be a powerful Satanist. I don't find he over or under acts at all in this one. He is evil incarnate and yet has a moment or two where he is charismatic. I especially like how calm he is at all times talking with Jack, Ryan, and Hewlett. Until Satan turns on the cult he never raised his voice at all, maintaining calm yet threatening control at all times.
Ryan and Jack's exchange after Micki's death is probably the best acting exchange between these two in the series and solidly demonstrates the father figure role Jack fills for both Micki and Ryan. Ryan's grief over her death and his anger towards Jack is believable, and Jack's speech about having to do the job whether they like it or not because no one else can is inspirational. Jack actually has not one but two dark moments (unusual for him) where he threatens Sylvan ('will destiny decides who gets a slit throat?' and 'you're not much use to me alive, I'll leave the choice up to you'). Ryan's speech about leaving before they go after them is downbeat but touching, and his change of heart at the end is a relief. And the way they trick Sylvan into bringing Micki back to life is explained at the end (Scooby Doo, anyone?) was genius, even if it wasn't shown.
Overall, one of the most solid episodes of the series. Suitably creepy, slightly cheesy, and well acted by everyone all around.
Friday the 13th: The Series: The Inheritance (1987)
The one that started it all
This is the first episode that started Friday the 13th, the Series. And while it's interesting and creepy enough, it's got problems.
I never thought I'd ever say that Sarah Polley gave a mediocre performance. On Road to Avonlea she was terrific. And every movie I've ever seen her in, she gave nothing less than a highlight. However, in this one, she gives a surprisingly uneven performance. At first she's good but once she gets the doll and learns of its evil nature, she just isn't believable as the bad seed. I don't blame her, though. I blame the low budget.
The opening sequence, where Lewis Vendredi turns on his deal with Satan and is claimed, is surpisingly good for the low budget. It's creepy, spooky, and effective. Once the store is taken over by Micki and Ryan, however, it kind of drags until Jack shows up. It sets everything up for what's to follow after that point though, so it's a necessary evil.
The doll, in my opinion, isn't threatening enough to be scary. When it kills the stepmother it's believable. It isn't when it tries to kill the babysitter. The final confrontation has moments where it'll make one's neck hairs stand on end, but it also has some really cheesy moments.
All in all, a decent start to the series, even if it stumbles out of the gate. Stick with the series, though. Until about midway you get a mixed bag of satisfying episodes and stinkers. Just remember patience is a virtue, and it'll pay off.
Friday the 13th: The Series: A Cup of Time (1987)
great episode, but still finding its way
Overall, this episode was pretty good, but it's obvious that the show was still trying to figure what direction it wanted to take.
Lady Die, in my opinion, is one of the most poorly acted villains in these early episodes. The performance is enjoyable, but the low budget has moments where a retake would have been sorely needed but couldn't be done. But if you don't believe me just check out the scene where she snaps at her producer during the recording session. Although to be fair, her irritation is understandable since the patch he added would throw off even the most seasoned of veteran singers. She's equally laughable when talking to her manager. The makeup applied when she ages looks like something you'd see at Halloween, it's that cheesy. But it's still fun to look at.
I love hair metal, and that's one of the reasons I like this episode. The banter between Ryan and Micki, with Jack calling a timeout, is a highlight of the episode. Some of the more comical shots they each take at each other demonstrates how they're getting comfortable around each other, which is a plus in my book.
I would have liked to have seen more of Birdie in later episodes, but she's dropped after this one. I count her as a missed opportunity, but the point she's instrumental in making (how even a good person can be tempted by evil) is well presented.
In all, a good episode that is bogged down by a few problems. It's good, but not excellent. That, however, comes later on when the show hits its stride.
Friday the 13th: The Series: Scarecrow (1988)
one of the best in the entire series
Scarecrow is undoubtedly one of the most effective episodes in all three seasons. Despite its flaws, it stands out as an episode with a creepy feel that episodes up to this point lack.
The one thing I felt, however, is that the villain is so obvious from the get go that Micki and Ryan must have looked back on it and realized they were stupid to miss it. I could just see them slapping their foreheads and going 'duh!'. The actress playing her really hammed it up. Yet the overacting actually made the episode more enjoyable. Jack is absent, so maybe that's why they didn't figure it out earlier.
The scarecrow is a suitably creepy looking artifact. It's a complete blank slate, which makes it all the more creepier. The fact that it seems to be able to teleport is unsettling, if a little contrived.
All in all, it's a solid episode. Spooky, campy, and just plain fun. Keep in mind, though, that the low budget still shows and while this was probably the first standout episode of the series, the show was still finding its way. However, with this one, they were definitely on the right path to hitting the show's stride, which they reached a by the end of the season.
Friday the 13th: The Series (1987)
Totally worth the time if you find it
In 2021, there are literally several new horror based shows being made as if there was a sweatshop out there somewhere. Sometimes they find their audience and become a hit (The Walking Dead), but often they kind of fizzle out.
Well, back in the 1980's you either had to rent a horror movie, search tv listings for some older horror show that was long off the air (The Night Stalker or Dark Shadows, and they were very hard to find), or anthology shows (Freddie's Nightmares, Tales From the Darkside) that often shifted around, resulting in never finding much of an audience. There wasn't much in the way of a weekly horror based series that followed a story line from week to week. Enter Friday the 13th: The Series.
Friday the 13th the Series is well worth investing your time in. It was what horror fans were looking for at the time. I watched it on Friday nights during prime time. It was almost like a soap opera, following the adventures of a trio of antique store owners and their quest to obtain cursed objects.
However, you do need to be warned about something.
If you watch it right from the beginning, it's obvious the low budget works against it. Some of the acting is quite atrocious, for example. Stick with it and by mid season 1 it improves noticeably, although Chris Wiggins is solid throughout. John D. Lemay makes his mark right from the start, but he stumbles a few times in the first season. Louise Robey is laughable at first, but improves immensely as time goes on. Steven Monarque? Well, fans never warmed up to him. I thought he was all right considering the shoes he had to fill. He certainly stumbled, but he did the best he could with what he had to work with.
Most of the bad performances, come from the villains but you do get some standouts (Colin Fox and Denis Forest, for example, and they each played a different villain three times). But interestingly enough, the campy and overacting villains often add to the enjoyment of the series. Check out the episode Scarecrow in the first season for a terrific example of this. The performer playing the villain is so hammy it's actually a decent performance, if you can believe that.
The special effects are spotty, but enjoyable considering the low budget they had to work with. And for the time it came out, it was very controversial with the level of violence (and to a lesser extent, sexuality) it often presented.
In all, Friday the 13th the Series was a valiant attempt at bringing horror to the masses. Did it miss the mark? Yes and no. It never rose above cult status, but I think everyone involved have something to be proud of with this show.
The Shining (1980)
I know I'm gonna get flak for this, but here goes.....
The Shining is, to me, the most overrated and boring horror film I have ever seen. I live for horror, but this movie just does not do it for me. However (potential spoilers ahead)....
Why the three rating? Well, there are moments throughout where some potential shines through. The sequence where Danny meets up with the ghosts of the two girls has a suitably creepy feel to it. It's an effective scene when Jack goes into the room and meets the ghost that comes out of the bathtub. Every once in a while there's a vision of Danny's that promises chills. And the last twenty minutes of the film? A decent payoff.
Unfortunately, the payoff comes after a series of extremely long, extremely boring scene that have the pace of a glacier. All the other good scenes before the payoff have long sequences that just seem to go nowhere between them. I hate movies with this kind of pace. There are some half decent performances (Nicholson, Crothers), an abyssmal one (Duvall, although from reading what went on behind the scenes it's passable), and one stand out (Lloyd's).
I just can't recommend this film. It may be a classic, but not everyone likes every classic. I don't begrudge anyone who enjoys the film (as I already wrote, there are some chilling sequences). but this one just is a waste of time to me.
Clapham Junction (2007)
two hours I'll never get back
After ten minutes, this movie devolves into the most excruciatingly slow paced film since The Shining. It's just so slow it's painful.
Another review noted that the film seems to reinforce negative stereotypes in the gay community. They were right. Everything that the gay community is condemned for is thrown in the viewer's face, and then some. With the slow pacing, you're given a lot of character development but because the scenes just drag on, you lose track of these things quickly.
It's trying to make a point, except it all gets lost in-you guessed it- the pacing. If that's your thing, go for it. Don't say I didn't warn you.
A Christmas Story (1983)
Perhaps The Last Great Christmas Film
This film was probably the last time anyone's made a decent Christmas movie, although The Ref might have a decent claim to that. Since A Christmas Story, there hasn't been anything that even comes close to comparing to the overall sweetness or it's message of Christmas cheer.
Perhaps the funniest sequence was the dinner in the Chinese restaurant towards the end. When I first watched it I couldn't figure out if the mother was laughing or crying, but her reactions to the duck were priceless. Other highlights are the gibberish that was supposed to represent profanity (my sisters and I still laugh ourselves into hernias watching that part since it's exactly like our father), Ralphie's everyday interactions with family, friends, bullies, and school, the actual Christmas Day hilarity (the bunny suit!)...oh, why beat around the bush? It's all great fun to watch.
Obviously set in the mid 20th century, it may appear dated but the messages and situations are actually timeless. Peter Billingsley played the part of Ralphie to perfection. Darrin McGavin and Melinda Dillon were perfectly cast as his parents. There isn't a wasted performance in the film.
If you only see one Christmas film a year, A Christmas Story is not one anyone would ever blame you for choosing. It's a sweet, timeless classic that belongs in anyone's collection.
All in the Family: Edith's 50th Birthday: Part 1 (1977)
The best episode EVER!
All In The Family had many standout episodes. Sammy's Visit, Cousin Liz, Edith's Crisis of Faith, Gloria The Victim....well, you get the idea. This show tackled taboo subjects and social issues all wrapped up in a comedy that was shocking yet entertaining. They just don't make sitcoms like this anymore. It's an unfortunate loss for society.
However, Edith's 50th Birthday is not just a standout, it's a must for anyone. I have never met anyone that didn't like this episode, and that includes people that hate the show in general. It managed to disturb, shock, and entertain the entire time. This show received acclaim and awards aplenty, and for good reason. In one hour, the writers managed to run the gamut of human emotions several times, all while allowing the viewer to never get comfortable with the scenario. Everything about this episode is pure television gold.
Jean Stapleton never gave a bad performance as Edith, but in this one she not only shines, she simply overpowers the entire cast. From her joy at the beginning of the episode, to the terror she had during her ordeal (while still finding a few opportunities to make the viewer laugh), to the bravery to fight off her assailant, and finally to the range she displayed during the fallout of the incident appeared to have been accomplished with little effort. This is nothing short of genius at work.
The rest of the cast, obviously realizing the importance of Edith being the focal point of the episode, stepped aside and allowed her to make her impact. Yet they still turn in solid performances. Carroll O'Connor displayed a genuine respect for her and showed that side of Archie everyone saw rarely, yet never did he reach the level of empathy and tenderness he demonstrated here (not even when Gloria miscarried, another standout episode. But I digress). Rob Reiner had several moments to shine. I don't think he ever turned in a better performance on the show both comedically and dramatically. Despite Gloria being my least favourite character (I actually despise Gloria), Sally Struthers turns in what is easily the second best performance of the episode, especially in the second half when she takes over to become the voice of logic for everyone and finally convincing Edith to do what she has to do. David Duke as the attacker gives a slimy and convincing performance, making this crime happen to a such a sweet character that much more vile. Even the secondary players and extras with little or no lines don't slum it here.
Bravo to everyone involved in this episode for tackling this issue and presenting it the way they did. The writers and director realized how sensitive the subject was, and treated it accordingly. But first and foremost, AITF was a comedy, and even though it delivered a serious message, it made us laugh while doing it. This isn't just the blueprint for a memorable episode. This is television at its best.
Survival of the Dead (2009)
What can I say?
George, George, George....
I absolutely LOVE your work. All your non-Dead films were spectacular (with the exceptions of There's Always Vanilla and Season of the Witch, since I've never had a chance to see them I can't comment). Martin is probably the best of that category. I even liked Creepshow, Bruiser, and Monkey Shines to death.
Your Dead films? I hold all of them with the utmost regard. Before you started the second trilogy, I used to have Halloween screenings at my home with friends starting at midnight, and watched the original films one after another. I even loved Land and Diary, despite what I read from the fans here.
I can honestly say that there wasn't a film of yours that I've seen that I did not like. Which brings me to how I feel about Survival of the Dead.
I felt there was a thing or two that I liked. You haven't lost the ability to get a nice, slick look despite a low budget. The idea that you can get infected and become a zombie just by ingesting their blood was an intriguing idea that you hadn't shown before. The lesbian character surviving a horror movie is refreshing, and the landscape shots are beautiful. The zombie feast scenes are sufficiently convincing.
However...
The acting was atrocious (don't get me started on how unconvincing most of the Irish accents were despite being performed by Irish performers). The aforementioned intriguing idea was never explored after it was made apparent-it was just there and gone. The ending was absolutely ludicrous (since when do you need to explain the social/political commentary in the last couple of minutes like a Scooby-Doo cartoon?), and I still didn't think that the graphic scenes of the zombies eating the horse was necessary. And the CGI? The less said, the better.
I'm the kind of guy that needs a collection complete, and a big fan of yours, so I got this movie for my collection. But please, you need to do one of two things. Go back to basics, and give us what you gave us with the original trilogy, or just put the series to rest. We have enough filmmakers that are making bad films based on what you pioneered (*cough* Uwe Boll *cough*), we don't need the godfather of the zombie film lowering himself and making bad films like this one.
The Warriors (1979)
One of the best action films EVER done!
What can one say? This is, without a doubt, one of the best action films of all time. Sure, the dialogue and acting could have stood some improvement but with what has to be the best collection of realistic fight scenes in any movie one can forgive that.
The fights are quite brutal, though. Hardest to watch is the guy getting hit across the stomach with a baseball bat that breaks. The fight with the Baseball Furies in the park is more realistic than anything I've ever seen. And the stretches between fight scenes never seem boring or long. This is an almost perfect popcorn film.
If you're looking for an action movie with a social commentary, look elsewhere. But if you're looking for a well made, stunning film that will keep your eyes glued to the screen, watch the Warriors. Over and over, cause I'll guarantee you'll never get tired of it.
Undead (2003)
not sure exactly what to make of it, but fun anyway
OK....zombie films rank very high with me in terms of my favourite type of horror movie...but this? I liked it, but was VERY conflicted by it.
it has an action movie style hero that is outrageously camping it up, a lead actress that looks like she's wondering what she's doing with performers beneath her, boring supporting characters that you don't care if they live or die (including a pregnant woman), bad music, laughable dialogue, and unconvincing gore effects. And that's just the beginning of the bad stuff.
but on the other hand, it has originality with the aliens trying to save the planet from the undead instead of using them to take over, the over the top hero (in a rarity in any type of movie these days) thoroughly enjoying himself camping it up, a heroine that obviously has talent when it comes to acting, an obvious tongue in cheek attitude while making a social commentary, and occasional glimpses of talent in directing, acting, and script. And that's just the beginning of the good stuff.
I won't praise the movie or condemn it. I enjoyed watching it and would watch it again, but wouldn't recommend it to anyone unless you liked Wild Zero.