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That_Man
Reviews
Foster's Home for Imaginary Friends (2004)
It started off rather bland, and then...
For those unfamiliar with Foster's Home or Imaginary Friends, it is an animated series created by Dexter's Lab and Power Puff Girls creator Craig McCracken and made entirely with flash, to save on production costs.
Anyway, this series started off as a rather bland, but at least semi-watchable. I personally didn't have anything against it, I just didn't think it was really any interesting. At least until something horrible came along. Something so soul shatteringly annoying that I could feel parts of me die within tenths of seconds of hearing the demonic echoes of its inane squawking as it wandered around on tiny, yellow feet bobbing its large, deformed head around. This creature opened a new world of annoyance and agony for me. Never had I seen something so truly irritating that it was fabricated by a sick and deranged person. A person so full of hatred towards humanity and all things connected to it that he created an abomination. This abysmal monstrosity is so sickening that drinking a malt of spoiled milk and thousand year eggs would be less stomach churning than hearing its voice. That horrible, insidious, evil thing goes by but one name.... Cheese.
That creature made me despise this show. It made me hate Cartoon Network for allowing it to violate its airwaves as well as the eyes and ears of all who view it, and the people who decided to give not only one, but THREE commercials of it wondering around babbling about nothing as well as that demon's voice over. Most of all, I hate the man who came up with it.
So in the end, I give this show a rating of 1 out of ten, solely because it spawned a horror the likes of which had never been shown before. The sad thing is, this may have been a decent show were it not for that thing.
Santa's Slay (2005)
This was actually rather funny.
While far from the greatest comedy ever made, it is definitely not the worst(see Freddy Got Fingered). At times the film is quite campy and the storyline is completely absurd, but that's the whole point. You're not supposed to care about how lame the story is, you just wanna see Santa kill people in various ways, which he does.
I especially enjoy the opening scene where Santa barges through the fireplace and proceeds to kill Fran Drescher and Chris Kattan and their friends. Now tell me YOU didn't wanna see someone kill Fran Drescher or Chris Kattan, especially after Beautician and the Beast and Corky Romano, ugh. By the way, I selected the spoiler warning just in case giving away the very beginning counted as a spoiler.
Anyway, I would definitely suggest watching this, just not on Spike TV where they'll lengthen a 90 minute movie into 2 and a half hours because of some irrelevant intermissions and unholy amount of commercials.
6/10
Superbabies: Baby Geniuses 2 (2004)
Never watch this movie, ever.
They were showing this atrocity at the local Wal-Mart on the plasma screens, what a waste of good picture quality that was. I knew it was going to be dreadful, but I had no idea that it would rip open a black hole of pure, unadulterated garbage that would engulf the entire building.
Seriously, there were at least fifty people in the electronics department demanding they turn it off so they can shop in peace it was so bad. And even more people left the area. I know some of you might say, "Why didn't you ignore it and continue shopping?" Because they were playing it too loudly to ignore. Also, the TV rack fills a good portion of the electronics department, so there is no way not to see or hear it while you're shopping. And even if I had left until it was over, like many other movies they would have just started it from the beginning.
Finally the manager came out with his keys to take the DVD and replace it with something else, due to all the complaints. Words cannot describe the horror that was this film. Don't under any circumstances view this film. Especially if you have suicidal tendencies, or prone to anger, or have epilepsy or any other medical condition. This is a film that even watched while under the influence of substances, illegal or otherwise, it would still suck.
If there were a God of Awful Movies, this would probably make him vomit in disgust.