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Wildling (2018)
It's So Good I Had to Apologize to My Delivery Driver
Fun story. I had been waiting for a delivery of a bed. I had prepared for it all day. Then I put on this, thinking I would have no issue pausing the film and getting it in. Let's just say the world's nicest delivery driver (a marketplace/Kijiji) order ended up getting all the change in my wallet as a tip for waiting an extra 30 min. before my idiot self pulled away from the movie to check my phone.
This is an art house movie. A really good art house movie.
Savageland (2015)
Fun for Budget True Crime Fans
The director has watched a LOT of cheap true crime documentaries, which might be why this one has such a soft spot in my heart.
This was the first time I've seen a horror movie done this way, but I also see why it isn't popular. Because this is not a high-end film, but it perfectly encapsulates budget aired-at-midnight true crime TV shows (before most got moved into podcasts). If you haven't sat and watched a bunch of these, you'll be pissed that it spoils it in the beginning. If you have watched it, that's par for the course for the shows.
It matches the exact quality and typing of the pre-Netflix true crime midnight TV shows and you know what? I really, really respect that.
Girl on the Third Floor (2019)
Hammering in the Metaphor One Eerie Wall at a Time
There are puns in here that act as spoilers but hopefully are vague enough to not give much away.
This movie also named Psychosexual: The Movie is about a man named Donald Koch (If you are thinking this is already hitting the nail on the head, know that the Feminist Preacher's last name-revealed at the end but not a spoiler is Mueller) who is trying to make a new life in a haunted former brothel.
It's best you catch onto this quickly (which the movie allows for with the astronomical piles of jizz coming out of sockets, which we find out what it is when a used condom is found within the first five minutes) because this movie is not a good "plot twist" movie. You will be disappointed and it's why this movie is rated poorly on here-while the critics who probably have been doused in an absurd amount of psychosexual content gave it an 84% on Rotten Tomatoes.
So why did I give it a higher rating? The characters are fun and feel like real people, even with their absurd names. From the irritated renovator, his business oriented wife, the feminist preacher and the other cast of characters. It's the "people can't really be like that" unless you have met them and know that yes, they are like that.
It doesn't rely on cheap jumpscares (but still has a couple), and if you know what goop is plaguing our protagonist it can actually be very funny. The dog is one of the best parts of the movie, but the characters and their experiences with the house are just fun. Maybe if I paid money to see it, I'd be less inclined to like it. However, I liked it.
7/10
Midsommar (2019)
Unsettling Masterpiece that I Will Never See Again
I am pretty good with horror but this one got to me. Unlike Hereditary which scared me, this one made me feel sick. Is it gratuitous violence? Not really in that it isn't frequent but the remnants are violent.
I am not going to spoil because even if I wanted to, it wouldn't make sense. TW: mutilation, suicide and one key thing not addressed: male rape. The scene in question is absurd where the theatre burst into laughter (which in my case was followed with shame) but it is at its core, date-drug based rape. If I say more, it's a spoiler but be aware.
13 Demons (2016)
So Bad, It's a Masterpiece
This should be the new "The Room" or "Troll 2". It is so badly acted, badly budgeted and insane that it's actually genuine fun. Unlike other movies where you cringe and laugh, you genuinely just laugh.
Terrible movie, but with friends: an unmissable experience.
Our Cartoon President (2018)
You need to be Hyper-Invested in the News
A lot of jokes require that you follow the news heavily and have a liberal mindset. Sometimes it is almost sweet. TED CRUZ!