Reviews

My mother died today, or maybe it was yesterday. The telegram that came today said "YOUR MOTHER HAS PASSED AWAY. FUNERAL TOMORROW. DEEP SYMPATHY". My mother lives quite far from the city so it is more than possible that the retirement home sent it yesterday and it only arrived today, but it does not matter. I am heading to the home this evening, and I will spend a night by the body as is customary. If I take the 2 o' clock bus I should be there before dinner time. I was able to get some time off from work, however it was very clear that my boss was annoyed at my having to leave. I told him"It's not my fault you know." I know now that this was stupid. It was his responsibility to express his sympathy and whatnot. I took the 2 o'clock bus. It was a uniquely hot afternoon. It doesn't often get that hot in Lego City and everyone was clearly uncomfortable. Perhaps it was the heat, or the smell of the rubber, but I found it increasingly difficult to stay awake, so I rested my eyes and slept. When I awoke I found that my head was resting on the arm of a large man dressed like a pirate. He looked at me and smiled. "Have you seen me lucky socks?" I had not and told him that. The retirement home was a little over a mile from the nearest bus stop. I went there on foot. When I arrived I asked to see my mother at once, but the receptionist seemed distracted. "Oh my God look, it's Clutch Powers!" I didn't know who that was, but turned anyway just to see what was so interesting. "Whoa, rock monsters!" this made no sense to me as I had not noticed anything that could be described as a rock monster. I turned to the receptionist to ask him if he had seen any rock monsters, but to my surprise the 5' 6" receptionist was now a clump of stones and green light. I jumped back out of reflex. Then I thought to myself what difference does it make? If I stand here the result is ultimately the same, the receptionist is a rock monster. I felt the smooth but of Raymond's pistol in my jacket pocket. I stood there in the sun, it's heat burned my cheeks. I felt little droplets of sweat creeping down my back. The little monster drew toward me and raised it's arms above it's head. The sunlight bounced off them like blades digging into my eyes. I became aware of the blinding red that fogged my vision. I felt my grip tighten around the gun, and the trigger gave. The hard steel of the revolver jogged my palm. The whip crack of the gun broke the silence of the home. I knew I had broken the balance of the day. I fired four more shots into the inert pile of stones, all of which pinged off with no visible impact.Each shot was a reminder of my failure. I stood there in silence for sometime, until I became aware of the eyes digging into my back."Why does it have to be rockmonsters?" I didn't know how to answer that question, so I remained silent. "I just wanted one of your power crystals." He turned around quickly, leaving me in my silence.

People often ask me, what is the greatest game ever made? Some say: " The Witcher 3" I say: "no way dumbo, that game is for babies". Others say: "Minecraft?" I say: "wrong again stupid!" And finally, one of them says to me: "Alright, what do YOU think is the best game then?" The answer is simple my child, Lego Island (1997) is the single greatest thing that will ever exist. I must've beaten this game hundreds of times by now and it still never gets old. Every time I turn on the my PC and see good ol' Pepper Roni looking back at me I am struck by the sheer power of the cultural icon that stands before me. Every single thing about this game is pure perfection, from the subtle detailing of Mama Brickolini's walking animation, to the wondrous and unique music, there is not a single element of this game that does not absolutely godlike. To anyone who has not yet played Lego Island, I encourage you to go out right now and buy fifty copies, trust me, you'll thank me for it later!

This movie is infinitely superior to every movie ever made. Neil Breen is a true visionary and an inspiration to every aspiring director, actor or president of the United States. Neil Breen's latest masterpiece (fateful findings) is basically the fifth testament talking about the life of our new lord and saviour: Neil Breen. Let us pray. Our lord and saviour Neil Breen, bless us on this day. Give us the sight to watch your movies, the minds to understand them, and the will to proclaim the glory of your films on IMDb. Amen.

This movie is so fundamentally terrible it makes me want to rip off my foot and beat myself to death with it. I understand that this is a kids movie but that is no excuse for the complete lack of story or decently written dialogue or the disgusting art style that makes my eyes want to vomit. The soundtrack alone is enough to render john Williams unconscious. This movie is total garbage and painfully unfunny at times. I would recommend using the $10 you saved by not buying this movie from the bargain bin at Walmart to buy me some toothpicks that I could use to tear out the part of my brain that remembers this dsteaming pile of cat feces.