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JoeHud
Reviews
Warrior Women with Lupita Nyong'o (2019)
Incredibly slow and boring
While filled with a whole lot of exceptions to the rule, this documentary nearly put me to sleep. Not even the greatest living actress, and greatest actor ever, Lupita could save this film. But she did the best she could and that needs to be celebrated. Effort is as good as merit now.
Every year several documentaries are released, most of which are better than Warrior Women. The scenery, people, and culture was entertaining and interesting the way a tourist attraction would be, and the makers understand this. It is near exploitation but whatever makes a buck I guess.
Skip it, I'm doing you a favor.
Fittest on Earth: Next Gen (2022)
Huge fan, but
I couldn't hear the narration over the music at all. I watched for 10 minutes hoping the music would get lower, it didn't, jumped to an hour and it was still going on. Headache inducing constant ambient music track louder than the voices makes this unwatchable.
The Gray Man (2022)
Suicide Squad meets Jason Bourne meets John Wick
Lots of action, good fight scenes despite slow "wait to be hit" choreography. Car chases and gun fights were very entertaining if you know what to expect. The major problem I had were the poor casting decisions, Evans and Gosling would have been much better suited to swapping their roles as protagonist and antagonist. Other gripes were the two typical Hollywood cardboard female roles who could do no wrong as usual, and both had constant borderline feminist lines written for them. Hey audience, if the movie works without a character entirely, like if they were just cut from all scenes and you wouldn't notice, then you can take a guess why they are there.
These Naked Celebs Have an Important Message for Voters (2020)
Gross
I've voted for everything in my long life. Class president, local mayor, city garbage logistics, US President, which dress the wife should wear, anything and everything. But now that I've seen these certain folk naked I can never vote again. I'm all done.
The Terminal List (2022)
Another bait and switch
Starts out strong with man you care about and an interesting story, then falls flat hard by episode 4 with heaps of forced diversity and new characters no one cares about at all. Could not finish, 1/10 for the bait and switch. Back to Homelander.
A Tear in the Sky (2022)
Was that an infomercial?
No way the film was made by the woman as claimed, this is an obvious team of amateur filmmakers and just plopped her name on it. She also seems to be acting, and really comes off as trying to sell me a new kitchen utensil or something. There's no new interesting information here either. 2/10.
Senior Year (2022)
Genderswapped Billy Madison
Girl goes into a coma just before the end of high school and decides to go and finish it when she wakes up at 37 years old. Lots of attempts to make fun of woke culture yet intentionally reinforces it at the same time, creating many cringe-worthy scenes.
These sorts of comedies can usually be successful by either a great supporting cast (Parnell was wonderful), or an excellent main character, this film mainly missed both marks.
Save for a couple of good laughs, you wouldn't miss anything by skipping this movie. 3/10.
David Spade: Nothing Personal (2022)
Audience was garbo
Hey Spade, drop your agent or whoever had the bright idea to do this in MINNESOTA. The brainlets watching this at home don't know to laugh unless the live audience does, and will give up because that crowd was too sober and just not in the right mood to have a good time.
I found myself cracking up at the moments you bombed despite the jokes being hilarious and well delivered. 8/10.
The Humans (2021)
Well, at least Schumer didn't ruin it.
I've always enjoyed a good dialog movie but this wasn't it. Perhaps a better story with better writing and less moving around the apartment would have created a real conversation between the characters, but an out of place, eerie factor was chucked in place quickly diverting the most recent plot lines.
As others have said, nothing happens and only the most pretentious will claim to have found some allegory within. 2/10.
Lakewood (2021)
Like Die Hard but single mom in the woods with an iPhone
Mom is jogging in the morning when an active shooting begins at her kid's school. She successfully contacts many important people by phone including 911, a teacher, her kid, the shooter, the lead cop, a mechanic (who may have been an international spy), among others, and saves the day. They all happily talk with her like nothing else is going on.
I think the same guy played the voices of the cop, mechanic, and handyman.
Insanely ridiculous. The writers need to be locked in a box away from all pencils, papers, keyboards, and microphones.
Closed for Storm (2020)
What was that
The first half came off as a normal documentary, but the second half was just interviewing two people about the future of the park. Terribly boring. The creator must have run out of ideas or money.
1883 (2021)
3/10 Feels like a WB show for teen girls
I've lost all faith in ratings when this show gets so many 10s. Can you really compare this to something that's more near a true 10 such as Sopranos or Breaking Bad? The acting is atrocious, the situations are comically unrealistic, and the aggressive nature of the characters abuse/murder/hostility is so over the top it could be in a pro wrestling skit.
You reviewers who give this a 10 need to raise your standards for television shows, because this garbage.
Gulliver Returns (2021)
Please don't rate this a 10.
It's not anywhere near a 10, few movies are. Why rank this in the same league as Shawshank or Godfather? Maybe you mean 10 for a low budget animation, even then it's not close.
As for the movie, it was fine and will keep the younger kids (ages 3 to 12) entertained with fancy colors, fun voices, and good songs. The animation is poor compared to what a big studio would spend millions on. But no one expects that, I hope. 4/10.
National Champions (2021)
6/10
This is what you'd call a dialogue movie, and not half bad. The main gripes I have are wasting Jeffrey Donovan's talents, the horrid acting of the main character "LeMarcus", and the insanely bad overemotional acting on the black woman who was some sort of fixer. Each time someone questioned her she'd freak out, just waaaay overboard. JK Simmons as usual excellent performance wasn't enough to make up for this lady.
Mass (2021)
Meryl who?
Although all four actors were excellent, Martha Plimpton stole the show. From the very first second we see her, the emotion is clean, raw, and real. This was a masterclass in acting deserving of an Oscar without question.
Reno 911!: The Hunt for QAnon (2021)
Caribbean Queen
The scene with Caribbean Queen was about to make the whole movie worth it, the slow build up, lighting, camera angle and voice overs were perfect enough for that scene to go down in history. Then it was totally destroyed with Pink's performance. Completely, utterly, ruined it.
It was like Shawshank with Jar Jar.
Pig (2021)
Was that Nic Cage?
If you're expecting Mandy (2018), don't bother. Quite the snore fest with one awkward, misplaced, underground fight scene. Whole film was uneventful, more of a lesson in filmmaking than an actual film itself.
The Blackout Experiment (2021)
Why
Yasmine Irvine is one of the worst actresses I've seen in a long time. Constantly shrill and at a 10 with no build up, I was just waiting for her character to die. Terrible choice for the lead!
Other than that (which ruined the movie quick), the other actors were bearable, sound and set were good, and ending was very good.
The race baiting was, as usual, unnecessary.
Night Walk (2019)
Bad enough to be good!
If you're into movies like Birdemic and Human Centipede 3, this one's for you. Full of bad acting and coma-inducing religious messages riddled throughout. To be fair, Roberts and Rourke weren't bad, what little you see of them. I wonder what that cost?
Kilpatrick kept me watching, even if his lines seemed adlibbed at times. No direction I suppose.
3/10.
The Mosquito Coast (2021)
Hopes dashed
Being a huge fan of the original Harrison Ford film, I came into this with low expectations but was going to like it no matter what. Until it just stayed bad. I made it 5 episodes out of 7 and gave it up when I realized they could have shortened it thus far to a 30 minute film.
Neither child had any redeeming qualities, there is no son/father story to be told like the first, and the wife is seen much more than necessary. The story is a plot all over the place, dragged out to the point I find myself daydreaming while staring directly at the screen.
Skip this and go watch the first film 7 times in a row and thank me later.
Fear Thy Neighbor (2014)
It's a good -screeeeeeeeech- show!
Complete with corny acting, everybody's right/nobody's wrong, overly intense narration, and genuine home surveillance footage at times. But that screeching, nails on chalkboard, sword coming from sheath, high pitch sound effect they play dozens of times per episode forces me to take breaks more than I want to.
I hope the person who had the idea to add that wretched noise has sons who are only mediocre in sports.
Debunking Borat (2021)
Forget the politics
This show consists of the first 40 minute episode, with nothing really new from when Borat 2 stayed with the two dudes, then six more 7 minute episodes of what seems to be a teenage boy narrating over why the two guys silly conspiracies were wrong. I mean ZERO laughs and it's just weird as heck. Skip it, trust me.
Jupiter's Legacy (2021)
Boring
If the creators were going for a Homelander feel, they widely missed the mark. I should've stopped right at the first fake beard. This show's makeup looked like a high school video project.
Monster (2018)
Skip it, or don't, will make no difference whatsoever.
Why do movies so regularly show the murder suspect going to trial, of all things, nearly immediately after arrest? The average time for this particular situation is two years or so before full trial. Our "hero" would have had several months in jail, not prison, leading up to it. After a conviction he'll do his time in prison. It's that simple, why not hire a competent consultant or listen to their "consulting", you know, what you pay them for?
And a lone detective dressed like a comic book investigator making the arrest? Absolutely laughable!
The gray colored courtroom looked like either a cartoon or Star Trek simulation room, I can't decide which. Ridiculous decision, and yes I get the artistic angle since they were pushing it so hard, but still bad. The narration even mentioned it, referring to justice being black or white, no gray. Then it's pure gray, huh?
Wright, Nelson, and Victor all had excellent performances as expected, rest were meh.
Stowaway (2021)
No ending.
What's the point of movies that end without a conclusion? Is it artistic? Do you really expect us to fill it in ourselves? We wouldn't be watching it if that were the case! No one likes when movies do this, and they all deserve a 1 star. Don't bother even making the film next time.