Whatever it is that makes indie film makers think that disjointed nonsense, flashes of random things interrupting scenes, and question marks for endings make for good film was at full throttle in this painfully glacial waste of time. I clicked "spoiler alert" for this review because I am about to spoil the ending: IT DOESN'T MAKE ANY SENSE. I get paid to analyze literature and film, and here is my analysis again: IT DOESN'T MAKE ANY SENSE. All of the most important things about making a film, especially one with a low budget, were completely disregarded or, perhaps more accurately, intentionally bucked. A few of these are: characterization--the clichéd characters never amounted to anything emotional or engaging. The story--the only connection to anything else in the movie was a loosely running image of a cleaning product flashed onto the screen assaulting the serenity of the sleep that the first hour of the movie threw me into. Dialogue--everything word was forgettable...thank God (with the exception of the "Spray It on Nightmare". Catchy song). STEEEEERRIKE THREE. The only saving grace in this movie was that one of the characters got exactly what the audience was praying for: someone to gouge out his eyes so that he didn't have to watch the last 5-minute random image and sound blast. Weakly done. Don't try again please.
Reviews
3 Reviews
Date Movie
(2006)
Maybe the worst movie ever.
7 June 2006
I know I said that this may be the worst movie ever, but I meant that it probably is the worst movie ever. I don't know how professionals thought that the "jokes" and situations that they came up with were funny. I honestly think that if I would sit around with my friends for an hour and a half that we would come up with a funnier video than Date Movie. When they approached something that had a shred of potential, they took it so far that it was painfully annoying. I actually stopped what I was doing right now and logged on to IMDb just to comment on how terrible this movie is. I watched it with three other people; we're not even sure if two of them are going to make it after this. Please please please, don't watch this movie. I am a firm believer that one can take something from every movie. This film destroyed that theory. Just Google pictures of Sophie Monk, and you'll have everything this movie had to offer. She's one of the hottest women I've seen in a long time. Again, I am on a crusade trying to stop innocent people from seeing this movie. Don't be a victim.
Sometimes They Come Back... Again
(1996 Video)
What the...?
17 December 2005
This movie was like watching a presentation in a community college class on movie effects. I was watching it and got the notion that I could write a better movie, so I did. It took about 14 minutes. I kept feeling like they were deciding on exactly what to do as the scenes came up. No planning at all. The death scenes were laughable. The acting was too. This movie should have been called, If Nothing Else Is On, Watch This Muted Because Hillary Swank Is In It. That's basically what we did, minus the muted part. I would recommend, if you enjoy this movie, that you see a doctor immediately. There is a good chance that something serious is wrong with your head. Who knows, maybe there is a tarot card stuck in it.
Tell Your Friends