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Dark Places (2005)
8/10
Interesting Attempt
19 March 2007
I have to give this film 8 stars because of it honest attempt to be something more than it's lack luster storyline. The story revolves around a drug addicted prostitute (Nessa Hawkins) who murders her last Jon as he tries to rape her. She is rejected by every element of sleaze that she comes in contact with and is all but given up to the street, until she is given the name of a safe house that turns out to be anything but. I wondered why our she remained in this house, as the things she was witness to was far worse than the crime she committed. But I began to see the subtle hints (and I mean VERY subtle) that the film makers were giving you. I understand that it is the way of most films to "dumb it numb" for the new generation of horror fans, but this film remained true to it's imaginary and attempt to answer our questions with visions rather than words. I respect the attempt, even if they didn't exactly pull it off. I was reminded of the films of Nicolas Roeg (The Man Who Fell to Earth)or Lindsay Anderson (oh Lucky Man) who used surreal images and editing to move their story forward. Much to my surprise was the studio who released this film; Brain Damage Films, whose normal video fair caters to amateur filmmakers with handycams shooting young women getting killed with copious amounts of blood and guts. Did they know they had a gem in the rough here, or are they attempting to raise their level of fare? I did notice a Brain Damage stable; Syn Devil who was thankfully given a minor role, and obviously asked to keep her camera mugging to a minimum. It is too bad that her role as the Angel of Death was pivotal to the story and she delivered it as badly as one would except from the stripper. The kudos for this film has to go to Nessa Hawkins, who endures degradation's so vile that if this were a mainstream film she would have been nominated for an academy award. My heart went out to this character and I have to believe it is in part the acting talents of Ms. Hawkins. The films does wrap up a little clumsy and I was waiting for the end title to have a question mark, but I became very intrigued with the end title music. A song with a haunting vocal and interesting bass line. This film is worth a look, maybe even a second since it's a sensory overload!
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Machined (2006 Video)
1/10
Poor Excuse For a Film
4 October 2006
I wonder if everyone saw the same film I watched... then I noticed that a better part of the good reviews for this film were posted prior to it's release date... so I guess the film makers have a lot of friends and family writing reviews for them. Also, I don't understand this excuse that most of the reviewers use stating "... considering the budget" or " great considering how low the budget". Since when do we excuse a film's poor production value on the money they had or didn't have? Maybe we need a new genre of films... Films shot on a shoestring budget that look like crap, but we excuse all that. Let me begin by saying that the box cover and the copy treatment are very misleading. This is some strange retelling of the Frankenstein story... only none of the characters are defined... none have the motivation or back story to even justify why they are doing what they do. Never did we get that Motorman Dan tinkered in reconstructive surgery... When he hits a motorist on the highway (on purpose or by accident? Who knows) he uses the victim to create his killing machine, but when did he hatch this plan... on the road? Days before? Weeks? How would a member of the audience know that his plan was to create this monster since there was no foreshadowing on this character... and since we never actually see him create the monster... I guess we have to just assume a lot. These are all the traits of a bad screenplay and this one is no exception with every cliché and bad horror movie moment telegraphed 500 feet ahead. For the most part the film is dark and murky and I guess this is the part we should forgive since they had no money for lights and the music was so annoying that at no point I had to turn the volume down as to not listen to it. The acting is OK, but at times the main character seemed to drift in and out of his part. The supporting cast is just plan bad and the monster, with his welding cap and pen lights just wanders around doing others bidding, so we are left to not care a thing for him. NOTE: In all great stories that involve a victim that is forced into bad situation... we should feel sorry for that person (Frankenstien's Monster, Hunchback, The Wolfman, etc).
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Blood Legend (2006 Video)
1/10
Drag Queens and a Ugly Hag
24 July 2006
Warning: Spoilers
There is NOTHING good about this movie... Nothing! Let me say it again... THERE IS NOTHING GOOD ABOUT THIS MOVIE! To give you the basic premise - Syn DeVil (Stripper turn bad actress)plays a witch who has turned to the "Dark Master" to grant her immortality while she is being burned at the stake in colonial times. Her wish is granted, and with the help of a coven of teenage witches she is brought back to life with one small problem... she takes on werewolf tendencies is she isn't fed the blood of virgins. In Los Angeles, finding a virgin to sacrifice is about as easy accepting that Syn Devil's breasts are NOT doctor enhanced! So the coven of witches seek out to find these victims and the best way to do that? A KEGGER! With a party in the woods, the victims drop like flies. I could tell you about the bad monster (or man in a rubber mask) but it's just so bad I would be wasting everyone's time but to tell you that this is what bad filming is all about! I originally commented on this film, but somehow it got deleted... perhaps the Producers were upset at my comment that Syn DeVil must have something on one of them to keep putting her in these bad films. Maybe they didn't like my comment about the enormous watermelons she had implanted on her chest (maybe one of the producers paid for that job)? Maybe they were upset that Syn's acting is so bad that she makes the chair she is sitting on an Academy Award winning actor. That her vacant gazes and painful delivery of lines makes it hard to even take anything she does seriously! I don't know... but it is just possible that they don't like to hear that their film stinks!
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1/10
What A Waste
5 January 2006
I love a good B movie like the next guy, but this doesn't even qualify as that! Bad all around. I wonder how the producers ever got this project off the ground? And someone tell Syn Devil that she can't act and she should sue the doctor that gave her that bad breast job! The world has a Fran Dresher, we don't need another one with less talent. In fact that would be a far better horror movie: A young actress tries to improve her looks and has two watermelons attached to her chest and they take on a life of their own! I should have known this film was going to be bad with the famous words: Produced by Dave Sterling. I think he must have sold his soul to someone to make movies, only the devil has him turning out this dreck.

Story? None. Editing? Not really. Anything going for it? An aged Ron Jeremy who must have lost a bet to be put in this film.
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