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Thanksgiving
Thanksgiving (I) (2023)
2/10
Not grindhouse
24 March 2024
I went into this expecting a grindhouse movie but was instead subjected to a banal, polished Hollywood retread.

It's as if the financiers were like "The fake trailer looked poorly-made. Let's do something different." Duh!

The movie is so predictable, I turned to my son and told him who the killer was less than halfway through the movie. And I was right.

Do you actually like grindhouse cinema? Do yourself a favor - watch the fake trailer 50 times in a row. You'll like it better.

Or do you like sleek, predictable, dreck stories that you've already seen many times before? If so, this feature is for you.
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The Dead Don't Die
The Dead Don't Die (2019)
1/10
Pretentious dreck, and a complete waste of time
19 October 2019
All the reviews you're seeing here are correct.

Pretentious? Yes! Anytime a director breaks the fourth wall to insert himself into the movie = pretentious.

Admittedly, I hadn't seen many (or any) of this director's movies before, and I'd never heard of him, either.

I can try to find something I enjoy that is done well in almost any movie.

This movie...it was tough.

So what did I find redeeming about the movie? The cinematography was beautiful. I actually kinda chuckled once or twice.

But I still found myself seriously regretting having purchased a digital copy of it. I actually consciously thought "Would I rather be asleep right now?" while watching the movie.

And the cast, wow, what a waste! Fantastic cast here, but the script is just garbage.

And the UFO? WTH was that?

Rather than watching this movie, I highly suggest you just watch the trailer (which touches all the high points anyway) and then sit, close your eyes and contemplate what the movie could have been.

Trust me, your imagination is better than what this movie is!

Or, instead of doing that, one could twiddle their thumbs for 100 minutes...or watch paint dry. It'd be more entertaining!
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Red Island
Red Island (2018)
3/10
I feel bad for Alex Essoe
4 September 2019
Warning: Spoilers
I really don't like giving an independent film a poor review. But how could you not with this one?

Its biggest sin is completely wasting an actress as good as Alex Essoe. If you've seen "Starry Eyes," you know what I mean. She's freaking spectacular.

But she's not utilized at all here. She has perhaps 100 words (I'm estimating) of dialogue in the entire film.

She's listed first in the credits here (and I don't blame the filmmakers for doing so), but the male lead has probably twice as much screen time as Alex does.

And I'm sorry, but the guy has the charisma of drying paint. He's not in the same league as Alex. He's not even playing the same sport.

And they were given an absolute dreck script to work with.

I'll readily admit that the makings for a good film are there. But the script needed a complete overhaul/fine-tuning. Little (if any) of it made any sense at all.

Why the hell did Amy turn into some sort of creature? I guess because she was scratched by it? Who the hell knows?

I don't regret watching this, as I'm obviously a big fan of Miss Essoe. And there were some really aesthetically beautiful nature shots.

But other than that, there's nothing there. This film deserves the "3" rating it's got.
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Huntress: Spirit of the Night
Huntress: Spirit of the Night (1996)
3/10
Even sexploitation soft-core can do better.
12 February 2019
Warning: Spoilers
Is this even a werewolf movie? What happened to Alek and Michelle? Why did the "movie" end in the middle of what must have been the climax?

Why did I waste my time? Maybe I'm feeling nostalgic for Cinemax After Dark?

Can I get my 81 minutes back?

These are just some of the many questions you'll be left with after watching "Huntress: Spirit of the Night."

I mean, I like sexploitation as much as the next schmuck, but even soft-core can do better than this.
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Silver Bullets
Silver Bullets (2011)
This isn't really a werewolf movie.
15 January 2019
I'm not exactly sure what it is, but it most certainly isn't a werewolf movie. I give the filmmakers props for trying something different, but I don't think they quite succeeded...
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