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Reviews
Atlas (2024)
Everything is bad apart from the CGI
In this day and age if all you've got is CGI then you have failed. This movie is so bad. Every moment is predictable. Every single scene, every line, the whole thing is one big paint-by-numbers movie. Jennifer Lopez is just awful. If she ever could act she's forgotten. It's one of the worst and most forced performances ever. Do not watch this movie. Just don't. It's awful.
The whole first half I just shuddered every time she spoke. Every mannerism is awful, every line is terrible. The story only holds up because it is so unbelievably simplistic. This movie has no redeeming qualities, apart from some pretty good CGI. But it's not even very good. You can see splits and overlays and depth issues everywhere. Just ugh.
The Night Agent (2023)
An appalling attempt at the genre
Wow. It's so bad. The plot doesn't hold up to even the most basic critical thinking. Every single step that's taken by all the characters makes little to no sense. It's got a lot of running and shooting and getting away from bad guys. But the substance is not there. It doesn't make sense at all. They're supposed to be scared of a mole or traitor or something but constantly just loop randoms into critical processes like there's no trust issues at all. The tech "let's do this with this tech" is like a 5th grade novel. It's literally not how computers work. Everything is bad. Literally everything. Plus the acting is just awful. Utterly awful. The female lead in particular is just terrible. Do not watch this.
Death and Other Details (2024)
I almost thought the billionaires would lose for once. But no
Quite enjoyed this show, apart from the annoying acid flashback episode where she remembered her past for like a whole boring episode.
But the end was dull and annoying. Just felt like it was phoning it in.
I almost thought the billionaires would lose for once. But no. In the end the billionaires are saved and those fighting the good fight lose. But of course we're supposed to believe the good guys won.
The first episodes were good though. And it had some amusing moments and twists and turns. Don't expect anything groundbreaking, but it was worth a watch if you've nothing else to do for a bit.
The Last of Us (2023)
Kind of OK, but really just a bit meh.
This has some terrific cinematography and a good premise, but man it's sloooow. Torturously slow.
And utterly predictable. The character progression is dreary and formulaic and the characters are canned stereotypes.
Watching episode 5 atm, while writing this. About to hit the fast forward since not one thing has been said in 20 minutes that wasn't predictable and obvious. Total waste of time.
So far every episode has been 10-15 minutes worth of show drawn out to a painful hour. If they don't seriously pick it up I'm out. I can't see that happening though. This is just going to keep plodding along, yawn after predictable yawn.
Don't get me wrong. This has real potential, even with the predictability. But for predictable TV it is ugh, waaaaay toooooo slooooooow.
Be warned, this is 80% predictable snoozefest.
Gangs of London (2020)
First few episodes then, ugh
The first few episodes of this were pretty good. Good style, great production quality, some good actors and script, and a bit of a premise. Unfortunately by halfway through the first season it had turned into proper nonsense.
Then in the second season it just descends into farce. It's like the plot was written by a 19 year old suburban wannabe gangster who sells eighths of seedy compress, lives in his parents garage, and borrows his mums Audi but somehow thinks he's hard. Seriously, who wrote this tripe. Season 2 is so bad. And it's soooo slow. I had to watch huge chunks in fast forward just to get to the end.
Season 3? Not a chance.
City on a Hill (2019)
Wants to be The Wire, isn't The Wire
It's not terrible, but it's also not great. A lot of the story does not make sense or is just dumb. Factual problems you could drive a truck through. It's ok. Sort of.
Star Trek: Picard (2020)
Ugh this second season is horrible
The first season was OK. Not terrific, not terrible, but OK.
This second season is utter torture. It's so boring. Endless dreary memories of an ancient old man that just go on forever and go nowhere. Seriously finish the story already. There's like 2 episodes of content here. It's tedious, predictable, and just plain boring.
I'm on the second last episode and I can't bring myself to finish. It's so boring. It's making me hate the Picard character from all the other shows. It's so horrible.
Law & Order: Free Speech (2022)
This is putrid
I'm so left wing Americans would think I'm a Communist (because they don't know what Communism actually is). But this sort of woke moralising is just putrid.
Why do the cops stop being cops and start moralising at people all the time, taking cheap shots to get the witnesses offside? The old cops never did that stuff. Bring back Lenny and the cops that actually INVESTIGATE THE CASE.
This whole season sucks.
The Witcher (2019)
The Witcher is remarkably The Witcher
This is the most faithful recreation of one of the greatest characters ever, Geralt of Rivia, it's fantastic.
If you like proper fantasy ballads, this one will rival Game of Thrones, if they're willing to pump the budget into it.
The Expanse (2015)
Real sci-fi, and really good sci-fi
This is unbelievably good sci-fi. It doesn't get any better than this.
It's a story with depth, skilfully crafted, and with a budget to make it work. It's the best sci fi in a VERY long time.
The ending was slightly disappointing but it did wrap up properly so that was good. Kudos to Amazon for picking it up and finishing it.
If you like sci-fi then watch this show.
Four Lions (2010)
This is a damn funny film
Mwahaha. The truth of this movie is what makes it truly and absolutely hilarious. I have absolutely no doubt that people exactly like these make up a large portion of the true to life subject material. It is utterly hilarious. Watch this movie.
In Bruges (2008)
Masterpiece
This is what film should be. This was absolutely fantastic, in all ways. The script, cast, acting, and style is just terrific. There is nothing bad about this movie, nothing.
The Mandalorian (2019)
This is quite good
This series is quite good. Definitely one of the better spins offs. The little green today is annoying af, but at least it mostly makes sense.
The little today really is annoying as hell though. Really.
The Book of Boba Fett (2021)
Phone it in... seriously this is boba fett? Ugh
It's slow, it's got a boring predictable story, the production value is down, the costumes are B grade, the script is terrible, the plot doesn't hang together.
He's supposed to be some sort of gangland mob boss, but he appears to have a crew of 4?
Then there is the ridiculous gang of teen idiots running the equivalent of 1960's mods scooters, but way too colourful and shiny. Seriously wtf.
But the worst, the absolute worst, is that this is supposed to be Boba Fett. The most feared and psychotic killer that Darth Vader had to specifically instruct "no disintegrations". "The Book of Boba Fett" should be like the bloodiest Tarantino film to the power of 10. Instead they've turned him into a weak, wet, small time hustler that gets conned and disrespected constantly.
This show sucks. It's is utter fail.
Six (2017)
That was maybe the worst tv show ever
This is truly horrible. Like so insanely horrible I'm embarrassed for everyone involved. I'm embarrassed for the actual seal teams to have themselves portrayed as this. I came because Boyd Crowther. I'm leaving because wow this is AWFUL.
Reacher (2022)
That's Reacher.
In the immortal words of Vivian from the young ones. In 10 words or less, describe Reacher.
Reacher, Reacher, Reacher. Reacher Reacher Reacher Reacher. Reacher, Reacher.
That. Was. Reacher.
Terminator: Dark Fate (2019)
So so many weak scenes that don't hold together
This movie has so many junk scene's that don't hold together. The actions scenes are solid, for a simple special effects shoot em up it's OK. But the scenes that are supposed to hold the story together fail so often and on so many levels it ruins the film. Nowhere near T2, not even marginally close.
Wild Card (2015)
Really quite bad
This was really boring. It ended sort of halfway through a story.
Neighbors 2: Sorority Rising (2016)
Millennials have no sense of humour. This was pretty funny if you're not.
Millennials have no sense of humour. This was pretty funny if you're like 12-24. Who watches movies in the theatre? You actually expected groundbreaking comedy? All these reviewers are idiots.
Holmes & Watson (2018)
It is hard to conceive of a worse movie
Oh my god this is just utterly utterly terrible. Every single aspect of it is horrible. There is nothing good about this movie at all. Nothing. Only watch this movie if you despise yourself and want to cause yourself intense psychological pain. It might be useful as a weapon of torture though.
Outlawed (2018)
This is the worst movie ever made
Worst movie ever made. And not in the so bad it's amusingly good kind of way, this is just horrible. From start to end it is horrible. The acting is horrendous, the script is terrible, the premise is junk, everything about this movie is bad. Bad bad bad bad. Bad.
Lost in Space (2018)
Just the worst
This is so horrible it's hard to describe. I had to create a logon just to review it. It's that bad. No way the 7+ review is genuine. This is like the visual representation of a root canal. Just so so bad. The characters suck donkeys. The plot is just junk. Every decision they make is stupid.
The special effects are good. But that's a pretty damn low benchmark these days.
Seriously, watch anything else. Anything. Go watch The Expanse instead.
I bet they renew it for 7 seasons though, because Hollywood bleh