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Reviews
A Cold Grave (2024)
Absolutely Awful
I cannot fathom for the life of me the positive reviews for this movie; I will admit they duped me into watching this.
I want to preface by saying: I'm a huge horror fan, I love found footage AND low-budget films, especially. I'm usually one to grant a high suspension of disbelief and give fair credit for effort, even in some lower quality films. L
Everything about this movie was god-awful. The plot was thin/non-existent, entirely ripped from Blair Witch Project. The acting was equivalent to The Room. The found footage continuity didn't exist- music stings and background music, camera angles that don't make sense for any character holding a camera, characters appearing without any explanation to who they are (hillbilly guy and girlfriend at the fire...?) No backstory. Don't give a damn about the characters.
I'll grant that I was a bit scared by the witch, the jump scares got me. But we equated the entire film to that of a ticketed haunted corn maze at Halloween. Spooky masks and ghouls who suddenly appear or charge you but never really make contact or harm you. Sure, it'll get your heart rate up for 30 seconds at a time when someone pops out and says BOO!
Honestly, I find value in any moviegoing experience and I'm not mad that I watched it. I'm just mad at the truly unhinged positive reviews for this movie; I'm 100% sure they must be people who personally know someone attached to the film in some way.
The Pope's Exorcist (2023)
Maybe my expectations were too high...
I had heard this movie was good, with several people describing it as funny or comedic. It was comedically ridiculous, but not humorous or fresh in any way. I probably went in with my expectations too high due to the recommendations and the ratings, but this was such a cookie cutter movie and so over-the top. The voices and growling got so old so fast. The special effects were thrown around like confetti. I kept expecting a twist or something interesting to happen but no. I can usually get behind a good exorcism movie (The Last Exorcism being among the best) but this was just a nothing film. It's sort of along the vein of The Conjuring universe movies, but even those are kind of fun/spooky. I just didn't find even one moment of this movie to be scary in any way, and was trying hard not to look at my phone or fall asleep for most of it. We did not get enough to be invested in the family, and the lore was fuzzy at best. I really hope they weren't setting this up for sequels (199 of them...?) but that ending sure hinted it would. Pass.
Frozen (2010)
Suspended...in disbelief
This movie hits on a lot of deep seated fears by taking two things I love more than anything (skiing and animals) and making them terrifying and cruel. It scared me, I'll admit that.
However, you'll have to suspend a LOT of disbelief for this movie, as it's guilty of the common horror crime of irrationality and straight up impossibility.
I hate to be That Person but I'm going to be:
-ski resorts and lifties would NEVER allow anyone to remain on a chair unnoticed. There are so many protocols in place to prevent this, down to just a simple rag tied to a chair and run through once to ensure it's empty.
-even if wolves did live in New England (they don't), they would steer very clear of a ski resort and would never attack a human this way! The fact they can film with a pack of wolves like this should prove wolves are no danger to people. I get that they're scary, it's effective, for sure. But wolves are persecuted enough in our country. Leave wolves alone!
-the main characters never zip their coats up, pull on their hoods, protect their hands in pockets, huddle, do anything to try and protect themselves. The boyfriend has a snowboard right behind him when he's attacked by wolves and doesn't even try to use it to fight. Where's the sense of self-preservation?
I know I'm being annoying but I couldn't contain my frustration with this movie when I first saw it on a ski trip in 2010, and I can't contain it now, 12 years later. If you can shut off part of your brain and enjoy the ride, it's pretty fun and spooky!
WNUF Halloween Special (2013)
An absolute delight
People expecting an "actual movie" with a "plot" calm down and appreciate some good, nostalgic Halloween FUN. For goodness sake, all these downers must be tons of fun at parties...
This movie is one of the most incredible undiscovered gems I've ever found, we recommend it to everyone. The silly fake commercials remind me of the cutaway commercials in South Park. If you have an ounce of humor and enjoyment of the spooky season, you can sit your butt down and watch this without snarking all over the Internet about it. It's a relief anybody makes anything as fresh and original an idea as this!
Turn it on while you carve a pumpkin and eat some candy, it's good for you to enjoy life every so often.
My Best Friend's Exorcism (2022)
Reviews are as all-over as the movie is...
I can't believe how many reviews are either 1 star or 10 star, people really need to calm down a second.
Take it a from a book-reader who loves Grady Hendrix- the movie was pretty good. The first half follows the book pretty closely (they changed the arc of Glee, which was an extremely smart choice) until the end. I'm sad they left out the book ending, which is so touching it makes me cry every time. The movie was just all over the place. Sometimes it's funny and seems like it's a kid movie, but the next you're watching a little girl be tortured. But then a stupid CGI demon appears and goes "BOO!". I get that it's hard to portray the fine line Hendrix walks between horror and humor but they really flubbed that. However, the actress who plays Gretchen did an outstanding job, she carried the entire movie.
I knew when they released it right to streaming it wouldn't live up to my expectations. It honestly ended up better than I expected.
Cherry Falls (1999)
I can usually find something to like in any movie
But not this one.
One thing I'll say for it, it's NOT. A Scream rip-off.
~this review has spoilers~
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This movie absolutely disgusted me. I don't know where to start, the demonization of trans people or the rape apologists?
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I cannot believe this ending where they cover up for the POS rapist cop father. The least you can do to try and right some serious wrongs is tell the damn truth about the situation, not continue to bury the crime.
I had a bad feeling they were going to pull out "it's a craaaazy man pretending to be a woman" because it was obvious the killer was a male actor. I'm not qualified to speak on this matter but this trope is wrong and dangerous for trans people.
Don't even get me started on the gross rapey high school boys, where not literally a single one has personality or decency.
I just can't, I don't think I've ever been so put off by a movie. Brittany Murphy was the only redeeming factor in this movie, but still her worst role. RIP this isn't how I'll remember you, Brit.