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Reviews
The Manor (2021)
Yet More garbage
Do film makers not understand that people have brains? Within the first 20 minutes or so it's obvious that this is going to be a baaaad film. 70 year old retired ballet dancer suffers from a stroke and then goes into a retirement home. This inspite of the fact that she suffers no ill effects from the stroke, she still has her speech, all her faculties and no mobility issues at all. Why would she go in to a home?! Her mobile is taken off her, she's ordered to take meds and is even locked inside the home. I'm sorry, this just doesn't happen. Weird things begin to happen, voodoo dolls appear and all the usual cliched nonsense that is no longer scary or in the least bit surprising happen. The staff are all one dimensional nurse Ratched rip offs. There's even a guy climbing about the walls for goodness sake! How can anyone take this serious as a horror film? It's laughable. Oh and how does a care home just happen to have an MRI on the premises too? It's total hammy horror, badly done and silly. As such you can't buy into it as being a believable movie.
My Sailor, My Love (2022)
A very sweet film
I actually really enjoyed this film, which is not something I say often about modern films. I do like James Cosmo, and this is probably one of my favourite parts he plays. It's not his usual role, but he plays it perfectly. The acting is understated but convincing, there is actually believable chemistry between the leads. It's also very refreshing to have leads played by older actors. Modern cinema is full of young, fit and nubile actors so it's a welcome change to watch actors who actually have faces with character. It's sweet without being too silly and sentimental, and of course it's not the happiest of endings... but at least you can empathise with the characters and feel something for them, again something lacking in most modern films.an enjoyable watch.
Serpent (2017)
Sleep inducing
Who put up the money to make this?! It's sooooo boring! Stupid idea for a film, bad script, terrible acting. It lacks pace or any meaningful character development. Most scenes seem to be dedicated to the female actors cleavage. Awful. I wanted them both to get bitten and die horrible deaths. Go and watch paint dry it'll bemore entertaining.
The Meg (2018)
Lazy film making
I'm not sure why film makers think they can still churn out rubbish like this in this day and age.... modern cinema goers expect so much more, and have seen this sort of crud so many times. No wonder theatre attendance is dropping when you can sit at home and watch quality productions (Breaking Bad, Game Of Thrones etc) for free. It's a shark film which has 'borrowed' various bits from so many other great movies of recent times, i.e. Jaws, Aliens and The Abyss to name a few. Statham is his usual wooden self, with no recognisable accent... is he English? American? Australian? Who knows, or cares. The rest of the cast are just as bad, token wise cracking black guy from the hood, techno geek and tough female who doesn't take crap from anyone blah blah blah. Poor storyline and awful script with cheesy jokes that are actually so bad they're embarrassing. Give this one a miss.
The Dark (2018)
Dull
Not sure how this film gets such high reviews, it's tedious and drags along at a snails pace. The acting is mediocre. It could have been so much better if there was a bit more back story to each character, there's too much left unexplained. Is she dead? Not dead? Why is she killing and eating people? Where is Josef taking the boy? And why? None of it really makes much sense therefore I would advise you to avoid. This film is not as good as it thinks it is.
Bride of Scarecrow (2018)
Bad Jeepers Creepers knock off
I wish it was possible to give a film minus ratings... this is really bad! My hubby got it for £3 from a bargain bin and even that is a rip off for this film. Some dj finds out she's inherited a property and land which is under a terrible curse - a scarecrow who comes back every year to get a bride and slaughter people. It's an awful premise for a film. Terrible acting, no suspense, predictable and downright boring. Jeepers Creepers did it so much better. We switched off after 15 mins. Don't waste your time.
Closer (2004)
Just tedious
I thought I'd check this out as the four leads are usually worthy of a watch in most films they're in. I was bored of this in less than half an hour! It's full of stupid characters who are completely unrealistic in their ideals and behaviours. Let's put in lots of swearing and naughty words to make it 'gritty' and 'real' nope.... doesn't work I'm afraid. I really struggled to get the point of this film, no real story and it certainly doesn't represent any relationship I've ever been in or anyone I've ever known. Just stupid, don't waste your time.
The Secret of Crickley Hall (2012)
dull as dishwater
Being a James Herbert fan I'd read this book many years ago and enjoyed it. This mini series only serves to disappoint. The jumping between two different time periods becomes confusing and tiresome and the story crawls along at a snails pace. Suranne Jones although acting well becomes annoying and repetitive as the grieving mother. Some parts have been altered from the book which I find most infuriating....if you're going to adapt a book, do it faithfully or not at all. If you're really bored and have nothing else to do it passes the time easily enough but not for true horror fans.