Reviews

Once just a shy, demure, unassuming teenager, Carrie White was doused with pig's blood on one fateful day and suddenly emerged as (drum roll please) Supppperrrrrr Carrrrriiiiieeeee. By gently slithering her arms, looking constipated and occasionally twitching to let you that she means business, SuperCarrie quickly lays waste to all of the "bad" guys with sadistic glee while also showing her soft side by using her magical abilities to levitate squeaky-voiced gym teachers and knocked-up teenage Jezebels to safety. Incredible! To one up her competition in the super heroes sweepstakes, Carrie also manages to lift up and fly right out of the gym... and she doesn't even need spandex and a cape to do it. Impressive! Carrie's other super powers appear to be psychic abilities to anticipate what everyone is going to do before they do it and x-ray vision so she can see the gender of a newly-fertilized egg inside your belly before you even have a chance to say "Hey, wasn't I supposed to have my period LAST week?" Amazing! If that's not enough, SuperCarrie also doesn't let anything get her down... not even death itself! She may seem out of commission after pelting herself with a thousand and one smooth pebbles and then crushing her entire body underneath a house, but don't be fooled. You'll find investing your hard-earned money on things like embalming, caskets and grave markers to be a waste when SuperCarrie miraculously springs back to life, cracks her CGI tombstone (because - you know - real tombstones or even plaster ones painted to look like real tombstones are just way too hard to crack so they must be made out of cartoon) and then causes a metal guitar riff to sound out from nowhere.

Professor Xavier, there's someone I'd like you to meet...

If you see this chicks name in the credits immediately turn around and run in the other direction! The two movies I've seen by her are lame and stupid. I also agree with the people who said she was dull and partially spoiled this movie by insisting on starring in it (only partially because the writing and direction are also awful and spoil the rest of it). Severe Injuries is just another case of a vain and misguided effort that exists to try to prove just how talented one human being thinks they are. The problem is that Amy Lynn is just simply not talented at all. She is also not an appealing or attractive actress... at all! It's just painful to watch at times. In fact, the lead actresses in this movie altogether are not good looking or talented. Robyn Griggs has gone downhill since her soap opera days and insists on wearing tight clothing so her gut hangs out of the bottom of her shirt. The other lead girls are quite hideous also and not a one of them can act. That leaves the good looking and talented women like Debbie Rochon and Jasi Lanier with just small cameo appearances here which will be a huge disappointment to their fans. The movie itself is a forced and unfunny parody of slasher films about a killer murdering sorority girls and their boyfriends. I like very low budget horror movies like the ones from Eric Stanze but this is a piece of garbage that needs to be thrown in the dumpster where it belongs.

I got this movie blindly from Blockbuster, not knowing anything about the cast or writer/director, but I ended up thoroughly enjoying it. It's a horror comedy, set on Halloween, about a young boy who is obsessed with a video game called Satan's Little Helper and ends up running into a real-life murderous "Satan." The boy, a little dumbed down from his violent video game, unknowingly assists the killer as he prowls around the neighborhood on a murder spree. "Satan" here might be the real deal or might just be a serial killer dressed in a costume and you don't know just what he is until the very end. Satan's Little Helper is good low-budget fun with plenty of laughs, plenty of blood and good acting from all concerned (the young actor playing the kid, the beautiful actress who plays his sister and Amanda Plummer as the mother are especially good).

Staten Island filmmaker Andy Milligan is well known in the horror community for being an even worse director than Ed Wood. And with this as a dim example of his output I'm apt to agree with them. In "The Ghastly Ones" we basically have three bickering couples traveling to their childhood home (located on a conveniently secluded island) to collect an inheritance. There they are killed off one by one and the events unfold in murder/mystery fashion with a scarred retard hunchback butler added to throw you for a loop. The film is in such bad shape that it looks like someone just ran it through a dishwasher, the sound is terrible, the dialog is otherworldly bad, there's some primitive mannequin gore (plus some dismemberments and guts) and it's technically inept in every possible way it can be inept. But is it enjoyable in a bad movie kind of way? Sort of. It's excruciating to watch but oddly entertaining in a train wreck fashion. Approach with caution. If you're not a fan of horrible movies better deep six this one.

Director Brad Sykes, writer Eric Spudic and producer David S. Sterling should be ashamed of themselves for having anything to do with this steaming pile of excrement and then having the gall to release it to try to bilk money off of people who have no idea what they are getting themselves into. When you get this, you expect a T&A horror comedy. What you get is a T&A horror comedy. The only problems are that you get only very brief T&A from women who look like used up streetwalkers, the horror scenes are pathetic and superfluous and the film does not provide a single laugh (or even a plot) thanks to a painfully bad screenplay that seems like it was whipped up by a 10 year old. It was shot with a cheap camcorder and the production quality is no better than your own home videos with the expected terrible acting, terrible sound and terrible picture quality. There are hundreds of B movies out there with better production values, better looking women and some actual fun to be had therein. This is not one of them. I will avoid any films from the trio of Sykes-Spudic-Sterling in the future. I feel really cheated with this one.

This is one fun werewolf movie! Dee Wallace stars as Karen, a brave TV reporter who goes undercover to catch a serial killer. Traumatized by almost becoming a victim to that hairy sicko in a peep show booth, and suffering a bout of pseudo-amnesia, Karen and her husband (Christopher Stone) go to a backwoods communal living retreat run by pop psychologist George Waggner (Patrick Macnee). The patients there act even stranger than Karen had anticipated, but little does she know that the place is actually a haven for werewolves! Starting with character names (a trend that would soon wear out its welcome in the genre), this film is bursting at the seams with inside jokes horror fans will appreciate. The cast is also a horror fan's dream come true, with great contributions from Kevin McCarthy, Dick Miller, John Carradine and many more. And then there are the awesome werewolf transformation scenes designed by Rob Bottin that have brilliantly withstood the test of time. The tone here is much different than John Landis' classic An American Werewolf in London (released the same year), but both films are funny and scary in equal measure and stand individually on their own merits.

On the pedestal of werewolf films, The Howling falls somewhere right below Universal Studios' outstanding 1941 chiller The Wolf Man as the best of all time.

The first Saw was decent but had its problems as well. Part 2 follows suit and emerges as a polished, highly watchable thriller that could have been better than it actually is. In this entry police, led by gruff, crooked detective Eric Matthews (Donnie Wahlberg) interrogate a very ill Jigsaw (eerily played by Tobin Bell), who has Eric's estranged teenage son and some others trapped inside a booby-trapped house of horrors. Shawnee Smith (who had a bit in the original) gives a surprisingly convincing performance as reformed junkie Amanda, who is also trapped in the house. There's plenty of gore and a few major plot twists along the way. The killer's moralizing gets to be a bit much and the scenes with Jigsaw and the detectives are uneven and heavy-handed. However, the scenes taking place inside the deadly house are taut, suspenseful and very well played. All in all Saw II is a good movie, just not a great one.