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nglennh
Reviews
The Mist (2007)
Are you KIDDING?!
I warn you, this film was made-for-TV (seriously, time the fade-out and in's. one every 10 minutes or so), and even by those standards was painful to sit through. It's claim to fame is a pathetic attempt at a punch-out ending. This movie touches on several subjects of human nature that about 500 other films have already covered, so... Mr king, I don't really need any more "deep messages" as I've seen 'em all before. As for it's terror factor, I've been more frightened by a fuzzy-wuzzy hamster.
***Spoiler Warning!!***
But given all it's directorial and editing shortcomings, this movie's real failure is it's ending. Let me break it down for those of you considering this film. The character development simply does not make sense. The supporting characters in the film each have a specified, stereotypical role. They are thin and lifeless. The main protagonist, on the other hand, spends the whole movie with such a strong will to live. His whole persona is built on that drive for survival. Then after facing monsters, aliens, and a crazy mob of religious zealots he is finally brought to his knees by an empty tank of gas. That's right. Ran outta gas. Nothing to do but give up on life and put a few bullets into my kid. His actions are simply unrealistic given how his character is portrayed for the first 2 hours. I'm not complaining that it wasn't a happy ending. Far from it, I love unconventional endings, but this one was an absolute failure. The protagonist was not driven to a point of desperation severe enough to justify blowing his kids brains all over the car seat.
Vampire Assassin (2005)
Ya, it sucks, but it sure is fun!
So, this is the WORST movie you will probably ever see. It's up there with "Crossbones" and "Southern Comfort", but if your a bad movie fan like I am, this atrocity of a film will be the most fun you've had in years. WHY does the camera make old-school kung fu noises when it zooms? WHY does that random guy stuff a nascar commemorative plate in his bag? And who is he anyway? WHY do the vampires shoot lightning after they die? What is this? Highlander? Dracula McCloud? Who cares! Just laugh at it. This movie has no continuity, no plot, no anything, really. Ron Hall's range of emotions are always off. He looks happy when he should be sad, angry when he should be confused. The rest of the cast couldn't act their way out of a paper bag. The special ("Short bus" kinda special) effects are randomly placed, and never needed. Most scenes are lit with a desk lamp, if they are lit at all. Mel Novak has the AUDACITY to look off-camera for his line, and it's not even edited out. They just keep on filming. In fact, half of this movie isn't even on film at all. It's 1/2 film, 1/2 sony hand-cam. For most of the film it seems that they left their boom mike at home. This movie doesn't just have a few plot holes, it's a mine field of confusion and mental pain! But OH do I love it! Thank you Ron Hall, for this cinematic abomination. I went out and bought it, cause it's just so damn funny. ($1.99 on Amazon, and I had it rush delivered!)
"I have weapons! I have weapons! I have WEAPONS!"