incomprehendible's Reviews

Slither (2006)

1/10

officially the worst movie i've seen since the millennium (i saw care bears)

6 May 2006

i don't think i could possibly think of 100 words worth of crap to describe this film. it sucked beyond all comprehension. i walked out 20 minutes in then went back in because my friends were still there. played a game on my phone for a while. then someone got stabbed in the throat so i watched a Lil bit....then i think i fell asleep because when i woke up all i heard was i love you but leave me the *beep* alone. which was for me the highlight. then i stayed through the credits a while to see if there was a glimmer of hope of a credit stopper ending but none was found. anyone who liked this movie needs to apply for a brain transplant with someone with a clue.

anyhow screw this movie and i hope it flops :D PaUl :)

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Mallrats (1995)

10/10

Wow is the only thing to say here.

28 March 2006

this is an incredible movie and if your a clerks fan (which I'm assuming is the only Kevin smith film you've seen because its blasphemous to watch them out of order) then this is even better. mallrats is the kind of movie you watch once on DVD and don't take it out of the drawer, because you know you'll wanna watch it later. its laugh out loud funny and anyone remotely interested in the inner workings of a geek or, like me, you are a geek, then this will give voice to the geek generation and make it cool. Recently, The OC has made comic books cool in the form of Seth Cohen. but before there was Seth, there was Brodie.

easily the greatest character lee has ever played and the best character that Smith has ever written, Brodie is obsessed with two things, Comics and himself. and as long as the two are together, he doesn't care. which is exactly what must be changed. ill let you find out how.

jay and silent bob make a welcome comeback in a slightly more central role with a lot more to do. with hilarious results.

i originally put 8 for this movie. but thinking about it again its a 10 and its going in my movies :) l8er days PaUl :)

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Ginger Snaps (2000)

6/10

hmmmmmm i don't know

26 March 2006

not a bad flick on the the whole but i was not in the least bit scared. as i type I'm watching it on TV and i have to say....its hilarious. the actings rather good. its a good idea. i like how it happened to the goth kids.

seriously though. i enjoyed this movie. but i think the money put into this kind of movie could be better spent....like on a TV movie.

I'm sorry but movies like this are better seen straight to video....it should swap with Stewie Griffin: The Untold Story. that should have gone to screens.

anyway ill shut up :) PaUl :)

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Dogma (1999)

10/10

Love it with a passion.

13 March 2006

Warning: Spoilers

This Movie Is Incredible!!! Here's a little run down.

An unidentified man is attacked to the point of life support and residing in a New Jersey Hospital. This guy just so happens to be god. This is due to the three demonic hockey players under the control of Azrael (Lee) who's philosophy is "if it is better to serve in heaven than live in hell, why am i serving in hell". A fallen angel, Azrael takes advantage of two angels kicked out of heaven by god Loki (Damon) and Bartleby (Affleck) and gives then a way back into heaven while god is incapacitated. The Plenary Indulgence Lupole instated by Cardinal Glick (Carlin). This, however, would prove god wrong, and since god is infallible this would unmake existence. Medatron (Rickman) is sent to retrieve Bethany (Florentino), the last descendant of Christ, to stop this happening. With the help of two "prophets", Jay (Mewes) and Silent Bob (Smith), and the 13th apostle, Rufus (rock), they set off for New Jersey and the final showdown with Loki And Bartleby.

Sound good? I Hope so Because it is.

this film is awesomely witty, incredibly clever and a laugh a minute. i recommend to all.....except the devout catholics.

PaUl :)

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Clerks (1994)

9/10

Classic, no doubt

13 March 2006

Warning: Spoilers

the liking of this film in no way relies on the lack of colour. it wasn't an artistic choice. rather one of cost. at $27,575 it is classed as no budget, but boy dids they stretch that thing.

this is an incredible movie and is so perfectly written you cant bare to look away. although at first being rejected by miramax a massive response at Sundance '94 got them the distribution they deserved.

Dante and Randall compliment each other completely and the array of customers (well i say array iots pretty much just walt flannigan but thats funny!) are equally riveting.

the stupid questions, the angry customers, and a dead guy in the bathroom. what more could you want from a convienience store movie.

kevin smith is a bonefide genius!!! the world loves ya smitty! PaUl:) xxx

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