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Reviews
Delirium (2007)
Completely unwatchable
This movie is completely unwatchable. I'm a fan of low-budget horror, but, this appears to have been shot with a home-grade video camera. Everything is out of focus. On medium shots, you cannot make out the expressions on the actors' faces.
Oh, that's right, the actors *cannot* act. The pacing is slow (to tedious). The "fight" scene looks choreographed, rather than looking like a fight. The bad editing makes it obvious that you're watching a movie, rather than bringing you into the story. The ending was obvious more than halfway through. The makeup effects were so badly done that they were not believable.
I would suggest that you don't waste your time on this.
Slayer (2006)
Watch it if you have nothing better to do.
This is a relatively watchable movie (+1). After watching UKM: Ultimate Killing Machine, this one looks good, in comparison. There are no obvious technical gaffes, although the vampiric teeth look odd.
The story line makes no sense. Let's see. An American GI fights vampires. Comes back to the states and is rehabilitated for seeing... Vampires. His commanding officer is the aunt of his ex-wife. Who happens to be doing some research on the biodiversity of the South American area where the vampires are. Huh! Don't pile on too many coincidences. Who cares about the head vampire? Or, his daughter? Or, any one in this film? The only originality in this is that most of the myths about vampires (allergic to crosses and garlic, can't come out in the day, etc.) are wrong. But, they can't be killed except by beheading or a wood wound in the heart. Yeah, right. It's obvious they just didn't want to film a dark movie, since this is a made for TV film.
It would have been nice for the viewer, if they had hired some actors. Oh, they've got Lynda Carter (TV's Wonder Woman), and a big, black dude with a tremendously deep voice, who snarls appropriately in order to show off his vampire teeth prosthetics. But, otherwise, you would never know they had actually paid people to read these lines.
There is more than enough fight scenes, and some vampire-biting-neck blood, but no real violence.
UKM: The Ultimate Killing Machine (2006)
Don't Waste Your Time
Plot: Mad scientist does illegal experiments for military on unsuspecting army recruits.
This is a barely watchable movie. The viewer has a choice. Watch this mess til the end, or give up. Trust me, give up. The military acts like no military anywhere. The military facility is unlike any anywhere. It is just bad.
The story line might, almost make sense. Some major (!) in the military is running a rogue experimental site where they are doing human experiments. All of his support staff are privates. What!?!? They keep around a failed experiment. But, there is a failsafe to destroy the building. Oh, the experiment enhances the adrenalin levels of the test subjects and it makes them horny. There is some intentional humor, and Michael Madsen deadpans some of the better throwaway lines.
Michael Madsen is the best-known actor in this movie. If he could act, then he might have been willing to try to breathe some life into this movie. But, he cannot. He was perfect for Kill Bill, Vol 2. But, that is the only character he, apparently, has the ability to portray.
The rest of the cast goes through the motions on this one. In particular, Erin Mackinnon, as Carrie, does a good job of changing from a shy runaway to a vicious predator.
Is there some book that helps directors find bad plots. In this movie, the military comes off as incompetent, immoral, illegal, and otherwise stupid.
There is a fair amount of violence. The actual violence occurs offscreen, but there is plenty of blood splatterage and special effects dead bodies (including a headless body and its head and a faceless body and its face.) Most of the violence is just there to lend credence to the monster being a threat. But, the monster is not scary. So, the only way to make him a threat is to have him leave a gross mess in the hallway.
There is one scene where sex is used to promote the story line. Thankfully, most of the graphic part is edited out. The viewer knows sex occurred. But, the only reason to make the four experimental subjects strip to their underwear is to tease the viewer.