Poll: Funny Jokes Told In Movies

Results of 1,223 votes:

1. 1.
   

   Uma Thurman in Pulp Fiction (1994)

    

   Mia: Three tomatoes are walkin' down the street. Papa Tomato, Mama Tomato and Baby Tomato. Baby Tomato starts lagging behind, and Papa Tomato gets really angry. Goes back and squishes him and says: &q…
2. 2.
   

   Jason Bateman, Ginnifer Goodwin, and Raymond S. Persi in Zootopia (2016)

    

   Nick: Okay. What do you call a three-humped camel? Flash: I don't... know. Nick: Pregnant.
3. 3.
   

   Val Kilmer and Robert Downey Jr. in Kiss Kiss Bang Bang (2005)

    

   Perry: Look up idiot in the dictionary. You know what you'll find? Harry: A picture of me? Perry: No! The definition of idiot. Which you *beep* are!
4. 4.
   

   Clint Eastwood in Gran Torino (2008)

    

   Walt: Oh, I've got one. A Mexican, a Jew, and a colored guy go into a bar. The bartender looks up and says, "Get the *beep* out of here."
5. 5.
   

   Robin Williams in Bicentennial Man (1999)

    

   Andrew: Two cannibals were eating a clown. One turns to the other and says: "Does this taste funny to you?"
6. 6.
   

   Effects shot

    

   Sebastian: Superman's flying around metropolis and he's horny as hell. He's checking out the rooftops and all of a sudden he sees Wonder Woman sunning herself on the roof of the Justice League. I mean…
7. 7.
   

   Bill Murray and Richard Dreyfuss in What About Bob? (1991)

    

   Bob: The doctor draws two circles and says "What do you see?" the guy says "Sex." So the doctor draws trees, "What do you see?" the guy says "sex". The doctor d…
8. 8.
   

   Jackie Earle Haley in Watchmen (2009)

    

   Rorschach: I heard joke once: Man goes to doctor. Says he's depressed. Life seems harsh, and cruel. Says he feels all alone in threatening world. Doctor says: "Treatment is simple. The great clow…
9. 9.
   

   Woody Allen and Diane Keaton in Annie Hall (1977)

    

   Alvy: There's an old joke - um... two elderly women are at a Catskill mountain resort, and one of 'em says, "Boy, the food at this place is really terrible." The other one says, "Yeah, …
10. 10.
    

    Carl Weathers and Bill Duke in Predator (1987)

     

    Hawkins: Billy. Billy! The other day, I was going down on my girlfriend. I said to her, "Jeez you got a big pussy. Jeez you got a big pussy." She said, "Why did you say that twice?"…
11. 11.
    

    Will Smith and Jaden Smith in The Pursuit of Happyness (2006)

     

    Christopher: Hey dad, you wanna hear something funny? There was a man who was drowning, and a boat came, and the man on the boat said "Do you need help?" and the man said "God will save…
12. 12.
    

    Eddie Murphy and Arsenio Hall in Coming to America (1988)

     

    Saul: A man goes into a restaurant. You listenin'? A man goes into a restaurant. He sits down, he's havin' a bowl of soup. He says to the waiter; "Waiter, come taste the soup." Waiter says; …
13. 13.
    

    Cher, Kurt Russell, and Meryl Streep in Silkwood (1983)

     

    Morgan: A young brave visits the chief of the tribe with a question. "Wise one, is it true you name all the members of the tribe, and if so, how is it done?" The venerable old man replies &q…
14. 14.
    

    Sam Neill, Ariana Richards, and Joseph Mazzello in Jurassic Park (1993)

     

    Tim: What do you call a blind dinosaur? Dr. Alan Grant: I don't know. What do you call a blind dinosaur? Tim: A Do-you-think-he-saurus. Dr. Alan Grant: Ha ha. Good one. Tim: What do you call a blind d…
15. 15.
    

    Joaquin Phoenix in Her (2013)

     

    Theodore: What does a baby computer call its father? Samantha: I don't know. What? Theodore: Data.
16. 16.
    

    28 Days Later (2002)

     

    Mark: A man walks into a bar with a giraffe. They both get pissed. The giraffe falls over. The man goes to leave and the bartender says, 'Oi. You can't leave that lyin' there.' And the man says, 'No. …
17. 17.
    

    Robin Williams in Good Morning, Vietnam (1987)

     

    Adrian: What is the difference between the Cub Scouts and the military? Bzzzzzt! Cub Scouts don't have heavy artillery!
18. 18.
    

    Woody Harrelson and Wesley Snipes in White Men Can't Jump (1992)

     

    Junior: Your mother's so poor I saw her kicking cans and I asked her what she was doing she said "moving"
19. 19.
    

    Paul Newman and Charlotte Rampling in The Verdict (1982)

     

    Frank: So Pat says, he says, "They got this new bar... and you go inside and for half a buck you get a beer, a free lunch and they take you in the back room - they get you laid... Mike says, &quo…
20. 20.
    

    Sylvester Stallone and Sage Stallone in Rocky V (1990)

     

    Rocky: Knock knock Rocky Jr.: Whose there? Rocky: Tuna fish Rocky Jr.: Tuna fish who? Rocky: You can tune a piano, but you can't tun-a fish!
21. 21.
    

    Tommy Lee Jones, Kevin Kline, Woody Harrelson, Virginia Madsen, John C. Reilly, Meryl Streep, Lily Tomlin, L.Q. Jones, Garrison Keillor, Lindsay Lohan, and Maya Rudolph in A Prairie Home Companion (2006)

     

    Dusty: Hey, uh... hey, Lefty. What did the elephant say to the naked man? Lefty: What'd he say? Dusty: It's cute, but can you really breathe through that thing?
22. 22.
    

    Jenna Elfman and Edward Norton in Keeping the Faith (2000)

     

    Anna: I work harder than God. If He had hired me, He would have made the world by Thursday.