Ah, the American martial arts movie...In the 80's, they littered the theatres with almost as much regularity as a teen sex 'comedy', and this may very well stand as the worst of a very bad lot. It certainly must rank as the FUNNIEST. Where to begin...? First and foremost, you will see some of the lamest, most stilted fighting ever presented on screen; as with just about every early-to-mid 80's chop-socky flick, the villians are amazingly polite, pausing at JUST THE RIGHT MOMENTS so that our hero can get in a few VERY well-placed hits, most of which never really seem to find their mark but that doesn't stop these filmmakers from instructing ALL bad guys to not just drop or fall to the ground - OH NO! Instead, the MEREST punch, kick or swat sends the baddies FLYING through the air. Oh, and, it seems, when humans are hit by flying stars or swords or knives or even just someone's fist, blood pours INSTANTLY from the wound, and looks eeriely like ketchup. The fight scenes - along with the rest of the movie - might best be appreciated with your TV's captions 'on'; then, and only then, will you get such choice subtitles as - and I kid you not - "splurch!" (the sound a body makes, apparently, when impaled), "OO! EE! AH!" (said by a small, remarkably hammy child in the film) and "Ha-Cha!" (that's ninja-speak, for the uninitiated). "Splurch" happens to be my favorite and it's used several times throughout. And eagle-eyed viewers will enjoy copious laughter from the stunt-doubling: keep a keen eye, especially, for the laff-riot showdown between our "evil" ninja, Braden, and Sho Kosugi's grandmother, in which her stunt double is about 6 inches taller and 50 pounds slimmer. And then there's the acting...oh, the acting! You get the full gamut here: wooden (Kosugi's handsome cop buddy), hammy (that aforementioned little kid, as well as the actor who portrays Braden), stony (Kosugi himself), and bimbo (the ubiquitous blonde love interest). Even worse may be the direction (or would that be the score? Hmm...close call...): AT ALL TIMES, ALL villians ACTUALLY ISSUE a Snidely Whiplash-type laugh. I kid you not. You just can't help but laugh at loud when it's just SO cartoonish! As for the plot - and, really, who watches these things for the plot, anyway?? - it's got something to with stolen dolls...but does it really matter? Come on now! What DOES matter is that, as a martial arts flick, it's god-awful. As comedy, though...it kicks serious ass.
Review of Revenge of the Ninja
