Review of Grotesque

Grotesque (1988)
2/10
I want my Z'Dar back!
15 September 2001
Warning: Spoilers
Well, reading the other comments it seems there's at least two versions of this out there. Mine is Media Home Entertainment's, and does NOT have the ending described in the other comments - this version is monumentally lame, but the version described in the other comments, with Frankensein and the Wolfman, sounds legendary.

Otherwise, for those of you under twenty, I want to assure you that, although a lot of weird things happened in the eighties, there were not, as far as I remember, gangs of snarling twentysomethings with Billy Idol hair and dressed in expensive leathers roaming the countryside in VW busses looking for innocent citizens to terrorize. Grotesque would like you to believe this; it would also like you to believe that Linda Blair can run around in the snow for a couple of hours in her jammies and bare feet and not turn into a snow-cone; or that even Tab Hunter is stupid enough to threaten two punkers with a shotgun, demand they get in his car, and then drive off with them in the back seat, where, one presumes, they will sit quietly with their hands in their lap until we get to Grandma's.

Overall, Grotesque is definitely worth hunting down, if you can wrap it up for less than three bucks. No plot? No, this thing has more plot than Gravity's Rainbow.

*************THIS WOULD BE A LOT OF SPOILERS, EXCEPT THERE'S MORE THAN ENOUGH PLOT LEFT TO GO AROUND ************** Linda Blair and a friend drive up into the mountains to see her folks, and are menaced by a "gang" of punkers also on their way to see her folks, on the rumor that they've got a lot of money stashed, because Linda Blair's dad is a famous FX artist. Her dad keeps jumping out at her and her friend with rubber masks and body parts, but he's Guy Stockwell, and charming, so it's OK. The punkers descend on the house, kill everybody except Linda B., but unfortunately let Linda's cousin out of his secret room, who's a large, horribly deformed, essentially sweet but now angry and murderous kind of a guy, who then kills off all the punkers except two, but then a family friend drives up the hill, finds the carnage, calls the cops, her uncle (Tab) drives up the hill for some reason, and after all is said and done the deformed cousin is dead, Linda's in a coma, the two punkers are shaken but not stirred, and the police begin their investigation.

FOLKS, WE ARE NOW ONLY FORTY MINUTES INTO AN EIGHTY-MINUTE MOVIE!!!

Maybe Grotesque was being put out on spec, to get backers interested in a mini-series.

Oh. Robert Z'Dar, my favorite actor with a really big face, is NOT in this version. Also, there's no nudity and the FX are pathetic, But it's STILL worth watching, in horrified fascination, as the plot lurches around drunkenly, banging off doorframes, stumbling over the furniture, just to see whether it finally falls out of a second-story window (it does).
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