Well, where do I start? When the five original Apes movies were remastered and re-released on DVD, I spent a week rewatching them. Not only were the films pleasing on an aesthetic level, but I was better able to appreciate the complex political subtext that had been inserted by Rod Serling and later screenwriters. These are angry, intelligent films, which in many ways, despite diminishing budgets, get better as the series progresses. The revolutionary implications of the fourth film, Conquest (its climax was modeled after the Watts riots), were so extreme that the studio forced a re-shoot of the ending, which originally had Caesar (played with amazing Shakespearean grandeur by Roddy McDowell) leading a final slaughter of the hopelessly debased human population.
How can a film over two hours long contain so little? There is not one good line, there is not one good SHOT in the entire remake. Given Tim Burton's track record, I expected at the very least a memorable visual experience. Instead we get a dim bluish murk, clunky editing, and shoddy, oppressive studio-bound sets. The oh-so-clever 'relevant' dialog wouldn't pass muster on a lackluster episode of Politically Incorrect, and the 'shock' ending is just completely incomprehensible. Also, why did they make Helena Bonham Carter's ape character look like Michael Jackson?
In 1968, Chuck Heston, as the misanthropic astronaut Taylor, ran around in a loin cloth, bared his ass, and roared bitter imprecations in his great, gravely voice. Now Mark Walberg (the new Cary Grant, according to Vanity Fair - go figure) keeps his bulky, restrictive space suit on for the entire film, and DOES NOT EVEN BOTHER TO ACT. His voice never rises above a whisper. His facial expression never changes. Well, that routine only works when you have charisma to spare. Had I been casting this film, it would have been Bruce Willis all the way. He would have known how to empathize with an ape.
How sad that the three-dimensional characters of the original series have been reduced to platitudinous stereotypes; or that the story is now nothing more than 'heroic astronaut liberates oppressed humans from evil monkeys'; or that, had I not read the reviews ahead of time, I would not have known who played the apes (in the old days they put distinctive voices under the make-up: McDowell, Kim hunter, Paul Williams, John Huston). THIS IS WHY I DO NOT WANT TO GO TO THE MOVIES ANYMORE! This is why I would rather stay at home and watch Kurosawa on DVD.
Thank God Roddy did not live to see this.
How can a film over two hours long contain so little? There is not one good line, there is not one good SHOT in the entire remake. Given Tim Burton's track record, I expected at the very least a memorable visual experience. Instead we get a dim bluish murk, clunky editing, and shoddy, oppressive studio-bound sets. The oh-so-clever 'relevant' dialog wouldn't pass muster on a lackluster episode of Politically Incorrect, and the 'shock' ending is just completely incomprehensible. Also, why did they make Helena Bonham Carter's ape character look like Michael Jackson?
In 1968, Chuck Heston, as the misanthropic astronaut Taylor, ran around in a loin cloth, bared his ass, and roared bitter imprecations in his great, gravely voice. Now Mark Walberg (the new Cary Grant, according to Vanity Fair - go figure) keeps his bulky, restrictive space suit on for the entire film, and DOES NOT EVEN BOTHER TO ACT. His voice never rises above a whisper. His facial expression never changes. Well, that routine only works when you have charisma to spare. Had I been casting this film, it would have been Bruce Willis all the way. He would have known how to empathize with an ape.
How sad that the three-dimensional characters of the original series have been reduced to platitudinous stereotypes; or that the story is now nothing more than 'heroic astronaut liberates oppressed humans from evil monkeys'; or that, had I not read the reviews ahead of time, I would not have known who played the apes (in the old days they put distinctive voices under the make-up: McDowell, Kim hunter, Paul Williams, John Huston). THIS IS WHY I DO NOT WANT TO GO TO THE MOVIES ANYMORE! This is why I would rather stay at home and watch Kurosawa on DVD.
Thank God Roddy did not live to see this.