This film was one of the most ill-concieved pieces of garbage ever made. Completely empty in terms of content and entertainment value, it's one long, painful slog. The film seems to have been made on a lark, or a bet. And as the results confirm, the director/writer lost the bet. This is even worse than "Glen or Glenda." I hated every simpering, stupid, vacant, idiotic, vapid moment of wasted celluloid. Overall, the script was poor, as was the acting, especially that of a character known only as "Schooner." Not only did he look out of place, but he had a funny voice, and was just not entertaining in the least. When he says, "Mayonnaise, O NAYS MAY!" I was only left wondering "What?" My advice is that the cast and crew should not quit their day jobs. And if these are their day jobs, may they all be shot like the leads at the end of the film. They should also not be allowed to reproduce, as it would be hazardous to society. There are worse ways to spend your evening, but I can't think of any. Wait, nevermind, this film is wretched. The cinematography is inept, and the shots of New London are unconvincing to say the least. I hope with this directors next film, he will not hire a piece of particle board to play the lead. He shows promise, and hopefully with his next film, he will rectify this egregious mishap. Overall, I give it a 1 out of 100, and say never, ever, EVER, hire the guy who plays schooner, ever again. Not even a fun B-movie, but an execrable one. The mystery is easily solved, and the jokes don't work as well as they should. To quote Roger Ebert: "This film should be cut up to provide free ukulele picks for the poor." >
Review of Mystic Nights and Pirate Fights
