what is this? i mean were a bunch of idiot out of work screen play writers sitting around and thinking.."hey, let's make a movie about a video game nobody has played in two years, make some action scenes and stuff all of them in the trailer and then make up a bunch of ridiculous dialogue to fill in the other hour and thirty five minutes." then another idiot says, "i dont' know, do you think people might get bored?" and the first idiot replies,"don't worry, we'll get some hot chick, give her fake boobs, and everyone will be captivated by that." and another idiot says, "that sounds pretty awesome, and i think we know a little something about awesome. speaking of which, have you seen the new hulk hogan movie, it's fabulous..." ok, that probably isn't what really happened, but this movie was that horrible. first of all, one of the things about this movie that was supposed to make it a success was the fact that the hero, the big action star, was a WOMAN!! oh my gosh, what an original idea! here i thought they would use an over-used, over-played cliche. for those of you who are unfamiliar with sarcasim, i will be blunt. honestly, are we supposed to be impressed by the fact that a woman is the hero of this story? especially when you consider that any time, and i mean ANY TIME you turn on the t.v., you get the point that women are equal to, no, better than men hammered into your brain. every commercial and t.v. show always involves a man doing something stupid, and a cool, smart women looks at him like he's the decay of western society, and fixes the man's blunder. i dont' have a problem with this to a certain extent, but it is a constant overload of this garbage. my prediction is that in ten years men will walk down the street and at every corner it will be manditory for a man to be looking at a sports magazine or a hot girl and walk into on-coming traffic. then a smart, beautiful, sophisticated, yet tough, strong, and independent woman will grab the primitive male and pull him away from a car that nearly hits him. the man will be forced to say, "thank god for women, without whom the world would be a bunch of knuckle-dragging, primitive, slow-witted morons." failure to do so would result in lashings on the spot. you probably think im kidding, but i truly feel it will one day come to this. that is why, out of pure mercy, i will not bring a male child into this world. once again, you probably think im kidding. and don't get me wrong, i don't mind the idea of a female action star, that is perfectly fine with me. but in this particular instance, i found it a little hard to believe. no, im kidding, i found it to be an insult to my intelligence. i can deal with the fact that this woman can over power a machine that has the power to break through stone walls, or that she can take out a bunch of fully armed special operatives with her bare hands, of even that when this lady runs she is in constant danger of tripping over her ridicuously large...well, you know. but it got to be too much when this lady is able to slice and dice all of these stone statues while these huge army guys with machine guns are being picked off by the statues one by one. then after these army people have unloaded countless rounds of automatic fire into these statues, but not achieving a scratch, boob raider, i mean tomb raider is then able to decapitate a statue with a single round from her hand gun. the final straw for me didn't even come in the movie. it was some shrill feminist movie critic (and you know how qualified those people are) giving an editorial on some network like CNN. she sat there for five minutes of my life which i'll never get back, and told me how not only is angelina jolie part of a new breed of action heroes (i later discovered that this "new breed" was the group of people known as women) but that this new breed (women again) was better than the old breed (men). she sat there and informed me how arnold, sly stallone, van damme, and segal are all over the hill and haven't made any good movies in years. she said this whole speech of hers with a bitterness that made me think she thought she was defending the fact that a woman was the hero of this story. she also informed me that angelina makes a far better action star than arnold EVER did. i'm sorry, but if your telling me that lara croft, who's best line of defense is the front side duel airbags she has attached to her, is gonna be able to beat up the terminator, the eraser, or the guy who killed the predator, your insane. especially when this annoying lady decided to play a clip of croft standing in a pair of white pajamas springing around on bungee cords, followed up immediatley by a clip of arnold from Predator, holding a massive machine gun. so, add to this pile of garbage horrible acting, dialouge, sets, and "action" sequences, and you've got a recipe for a steaming pile of worthless rubbish. go see this movie if your an idiot. But don't take my word for it, after all im just a guy.
2/10
2/10