Review of Bones

Bones (2001)
3/10
Packs about as much bark as a goldfish
19 June 2005
Hey, don't you think it's kind of odd that someone would stab themselves in the chest with a flick knife and then bury themselves?

If your answer to the above question is "I agree", then you could have been, or may well be part of the team of monkeys that came up with the idea for, wrote and cast this movie. It's a huge shame that stuff like this gets made when there are screenwriters and directors with good ideas and just need some money. Speaking of money, if you want to waste it; Bones is as good a film as any to waste it on. Well, if you like to waste money and you enjoy pain, that is. Bones is notable for one of the most incredible reasons a film can be notable for, and that is that it stars a rapper. The rapper in question is Snoop Dogg (a.k.a. Dogg, Snoopy, Snoop Doggy Dogg, Snoop and just about every other lame variant of the words 'snoop' and 'dogg' that you can come up with). The tired blend of Hellraiser and rubbish movie starring a rapper see Snoop Dogg get to flex his acting muscles, and he proves with his one-note performance in this movie that he is just as adept at the art of acting as he is at the art of music making. If you catch my drift.

To be quite frank, despite his best efforts to look cool; Snoopy Doggy Dogg ends up looking like just as much of an idiot as his name suggests he is. I mean seriously, who goes by the name of 'Snoop Dogg' when they don't have to? Aside from it's star, this film has a number of other problems. It's plot is very tired, and it follows the exceedingly boring and familiar tale of someone who was killed being resurrected and then taking their revenge. The tacky dialogue, duff acting and illogical plotting don't help this, and not even the murders can save the film, as it's easy to say that even they manage to score maximum points on the dull scale. I will never forgive the people responsible for this movie for wasting all that time and money on it, when it could have been put to better use. How about giving one of the more experienced directors who could produce something good, if given a budget? I guess that's one of the many problems with things like rap music; if it sells, it will continue to be made.
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