4/10
Crouching Thighs, Not-so-Hidden Butt
4 September 2005
Warning: Spoilers
SPOILERS AHEAD! You have been warned!

Much of what I could say about this movie has already been said by other reviewers, with some minor exceptions.

Story elements -- for example, turning the group of captive women into magic temptresses with poisonous breath -- get introduced and then dropped, or brought back for a few seconds' cameo at best (the poisonous women turn out quite pathetic, achieving only one kill among them). Also, if you've seen this movie and watched the scene where the entire backstory is explained via scroll, you will know what I mean when I say: whatever happened to the dog? The reincarnated princess gets her father's lightsaber, I mean her predecessor's flute, but the dog puts in no reappearance as a dog or as a human (unless I missed something very subtle about either Hiroyuki Sanada's or Sonny Chiba's characters)... and he was, shall we say, rather important to the original princess. And although the tragic female ribbon dancer/swordfighter (far classier than her descendant, O-Ren Ishii) gets relatively little screen time, it's still more than the later additions to the group get in terms of character development or backstory, which is practically none. Chiba doesn't even get one line of clichéd surprise that two of the crystal-holders are a woman and a young boy. I can only conclude that the movie was written and edited under the same sort of chemical influence required to fully enjoy it.

I also believe that Sanada must have had a clause in his contract requiring his thighs to be on display at all times. (Not that there's anything wrong with that.) Indeed, in one scene he falls to the ground unconscious, and Chiba slings him over his shoulder and carries him toward the camera. Sanada's butt and thighs occupy the center of shot for a surprisingly long time before the director cuts away. So there are indeed redeeming moments in this movie. (Another is when the group has defeated the giant centipede demon, which had approached them disguised as an old woman, and one of the samurai astutely remarks, "THAT wasn't your mother!") A sidenote: as much as the movie borrows from Lucas, which is quite a lot, he seems to have borrowed back from it for aspects of the Star Wars prequel trilogy. The demon matriarch's headgear wouldn't look a bit out of place on Queen Amidala in "The Phantom Menace," and Lucas does the dropped-story-element (midichlorians, anyone?) and underdeveloped-character (wuxia master Ray Park as Darth Maul; the assorted villains -- Jango Fett, Count Dooku, General Grievous; most of the Jedi Council) routines like a master.

One point for having Sonny Chiba in it (there are other elements in this movie that show up in "Kill Bill," in whose first volume Chiba has a small honorific role). One point for Hiroyuki Sanada's butt. One point for strong female characters. One point for the interesting sociological fact that apparently, evil undead demon clans have no incest taboos. (It is, however, a mystery to me why the matriarch is attracted to her son, who is sort of the medieval Japanese Jame Gumb.) Minus several million for the soundtrack. I found myself devoutly hoping that the writer and singer of those godawful pop ballads would be crushed in the destruction of the castle.
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