of all the post apocalyptic Mad Max rip-offs I've seen(and I've seen far too many), this one was one of the funniest. That's because, joining Robot Holocaust, it is one of the sincerely worst 'future' movies I've ever laughed at.
Our story begins with a blurry shot of our 'hero' riding his bike along a pleasant lane in Ohio or Vermont or someplace. This is supposed to be the post apocalyptic world of the future, and instead it looks like a lovely vacation place. I expected to see cows grazing placidly in the fields on either side of the road. He gets attacked by the cops of the future, who have spikes on their bumpers(which is how you can distinguish them from the cops of today),and talking cars a la Knight Rider. The scruffy bearded loser's..err..HERO'S souped up futuristic bike talks as well, in a truly annoying Valley Girl accent that made me want to get a flamethrower and a blow torch and just melt that thing down. The Warrior(does he have that name on his post apocalyptic drivers license I wonder?) mumbles like he's half asleep, when he's not whining at the top of his lungs. The urge to slap his mug was so strong I kicked my cat(not really)hard as a relief valve.
The bike can apparently jump higher than Evil Knievel's, and besides its amazingly irritating voice it also has armament built in. The Warrior escapes the police, then has an incomprehensible run-in with some grungy guys in a junkyard. Now this, boys and girls, is why it's best to stay out of junkyards. Some creepy people hang around there.
Anyway, doofus boy rides his bike into a wall(he's either blind or stupid. Guess which one I'm picking), and is healed by a group of mystical(i.e., they wear long white robes and drone a lot of nonsense all the time)people who claim that he's the 'Chose One'. Chosen as the world's most annoying guy? O.K., yeah, I could see that.
These toga wearing ninnies want idiot mitten to go save a scientist from the forces of Evil, a 1984-esque society that's about as scary as a Shirley Temple film(o.k., that's pretty scary, but whatever). It's run by Donald Pleasance, a staple of awful 80's films in which he plays a totally inept villain(I.e., Puma Man). He goes off with the scientist's lovely daughter, whining all the way. Somehow they manage to get her Dad out, but Mr. Chivalrous abandons the girl to the loving hands of the New World Order for no particular reason except for the fact that he's a total rank coward. And a jerk, to boot.
The Warrior, a.k.a Puss Boy, ends up in some weird fight where he takes on everything from cowboys to ninjas, we're never sure why. His big move is to punch a girl. This guy is a real rank a-hole, and that's no doubt. After that, there's some scenes of a peculiar torture session with the scientist's captured daughter making a really peculiar noise, and then the 'hero' takes on a semi with some puny flamethrowers on the front, dubbed Megaweapon(because apparently they decided not to call it B.J & the Bear, for licensing reasons). The only thing that this accomplishes is the stupid Valley Girl bike being crushed, which is a major props. Unfortunately the horrible bike gets resurrected later, much to our chagrin.
At the last, The Bearded Boob decides to return and save the scientist's daughter after all, because she was really hot. The Evil Prosser(Pleasance) has brainwashed her into killing her father and Hero-Boy, a task which I would have been supremely happy with if she'd just carried it out adequately. But NO! Couldn't have that, could we?
The end of the film is particularly repulsive, with the lovely girl and our galloping Mr. McNasty locking lips for what seems like a full ten minutes before he rides off into the sunset. All I can ask is: "Why, WHY? Why would you hurt us so much when we've done nothing to you?!"
Our story begins with a blurry shot of our 'hero' riding his bike along a pleasant lane in Ohio or Vermont or someplace. This is supposed to be the post apocalyptic world of the future, and instead it looks like a lovely vacation place. I expected to see cows grazing placidly in the fields on either side of the road. He gets attacked by the cops of the future, who have spikes on their bumpers(which is how you can distinguish them from the cops of today),and talking cars a la Knight Rider. The scruffy bearded loser's..err..HERO'S souped up futuristic bike talks as well, in a truly annoying Valley Girl accent that made me want to get a flamethrower and a blow torch and just melt that thing down. The Warrior(does he have that name on his post apocalyptic drivers license I wonder?) mumbles like he's half asleep, when he's not whining at the top of his lungs. The urge to slap his mug was so strong I kicked my cat(not really)hard as a relief valve.
The bike can apparently jump higher than Evil Knievel's, and besides its amazingly irritating voice it also has armament built in. The Warrior escapes the police, then has an incomprehensible run-in with some grungy guys in a junkyard. Now this, boys and girls, is why it's best to stay out of junkyards. Some creepy people hang around there.
Anyway, doofus boy rides his bike into a wall(he's either blind or stupid. Guess which one I'm picking), and is healed by a group of mystical(i.e., they wear long white robes and drone a lot of nonsense all the time)people who claim that he's the 'Chose One'. Chosen as the world's most annoying guy? O.K., yeah, I could see that.
These toga wearing ninnies want idiot mitten to go save a scientist from the forces of Evil, a 1984-esque society that's about as scary as a Shirley Temple film(o.k., that's pretty scary, but whatever). It's run by Donald Pleasance, a staple of awful 80's films in which he plays a totally inept villain(I.e., Puma Man). He goes off with the scientist's lovely daughter, whining all the way. Somehow they manage to get her Dad out, but Mr. Chivalrous abandons the girl to the loving hands of the New World Order for no particular reason except for the fact that he's a total rank coward. And a jerk, to boot.
The Warrior, a.k.a Puss Boy, ends up in some weird fight where he takes on everything from cowboys to ninjas, we're never sure why. His big move is to punch a girl. This guy is a real rank a-hole, and that's no doubt. After that, there's some scenes of a peculiar torture session with the scientist's captured daughter making a really peculiar noise, and then the 'hero' takes on a semi with some puny flamethrowers on the front, dubbed Megaweapon(because apparently they decided not to call it B.J & the Bear, for licensing reasons). The only thing that this accomplishes is the stupid Valley Girl bike being crushed, which is a major props. Unfortunately the horrible bike gets resurrected later, much to our chagrin.
At the last, The Bearded Boob decides to return and save the scientist's daughter after all, because she was really hot. The Evil Prosser(Pleasance) has brainwashed her into killing her father and Hero-Boy, a task which I would have been supremely happy with if she'd just carried it out adequately. But NO! Couldn't have that, could we?
The end of the film is particularly repulsive, with the lovely girl and our galloping Mr. McNasty locking lips for what seems like a full ten minutes before he rides off into the sunset. All I can ask is: "Why, WHY? Why would you hurt us so much when we've done nothing to you?!"