This movie, a Cinema Shares International Television, Ltd released directed, if one could use that term, by Richard Ashe and starring such untalented hacks as Chase Cordell, Donna Leigh Drake, Gregorio Sala, and Patrick Wright, among others, makes "Stay" seem coherent and "The Lake House" seem downright rousing by comparison.
What there is of a plot has mineralogist Paul Carlson (Chase) and his idiotic friends Johnny Longbone (Professor Salinas-Sala), Butt Healer and some dopey chick, on an archaeological dig somewhere in New Mexico when photographer, Cathy Nolan (Drake), who dresses like a hooker (but without the good fashion taste), comes into their midst.
Naturally, Paul and Cathy fall for each other and the story follows the same old pattern of boy-meets-girl, boy-and-girl-spend-night-on-mountain top, boy-gets-hit-in-head-with-meteorite, boy-goes-crazy-and-becomes lizard-monster, boy-kills-several-homely-extras-and-finally-dies. We've seen it all before.
We know SOMETHING is going to happen to Paul, because after he's conked on the coconut with a moon rock, the Kleenex he used to wipe off the blood begins to glow. That's a pretty good indication of trouble, friends.
There's also a cliché cracker sheriff, a drunk bowler, some old farts playing cards, a bow and arrow contest, and Johnny Longbone, who, when not pontificating about the old Indian legend of how a lizard and a coyote created the Earth, bores everyone to tears about his stew.
But the real weirdness of this film occurs with the musical interlude of "California Lady," sung by a Robin Gibb-looking guy and his two lame back-ups. Why the director felt the need to include this untalented goofball in the film can probably be explained thusly: 1) The guy was his brother-in-law, 2) He owed the guy a favor, 3) The guy was his homosexual lover. You decide.
Meanwhile, Carson spends most of the film without a shirt, but his hairless pink chest wouldn't even turn on the most unattractive woman or loneliest gay guy in the free world. In the end, though, even his bare chest cannot prevent him from glowing bright red (after Johnny Longbone shots him with an arrow made from another moon rock) as the picture comes to a welcome and merciful conclusion.
What there is of a plot has mineralogist Paul Carlson (Chase) and his idiotic friends Johnny Longbone (Professor Salinas-Sala), Butt Healer and some dopey chick, on an archaeological dig somewhere in New Mexico when photographer, Cathy Nolan (Drake), who dresses like a hooker (but without the good fashion taste), comes into their midst.
Naturally, Paul and Cathy fall for each other and the story follows the same old pattern of boy-meets-girl, boy-and-girl-spend-night-on-mountain top, boy-gets-hit-in-head-with-meteorite, boy-goes-crazy-and-becomes lizard-monster, boy-kills-several-homely-extras-and-finally-dies. We've seen it all before.
We know SOMETHING is going to happen to Paul, because after he's conked on the coconut with a moon rock, the Kleenex he used to wipe off the blood begins to glow. That's a pretty good indication of trouble, friends.
There's also a cliché cracker sheriff, a drunk bowler, some old farts playing cards, a bow and arrow contest, and Johnny Longbone, who, when not pontificating about the old Indian legend of how a lizard and a coyote created the Earth, bores everyone to tears about his stew.
But the real weirdness of this film occurs with the musical interlude of "California Lady," sung by a Robin Gibb-looking guy and his two lame back-ups. Why the director felt the need to include this untalented goofball in the film can probably be explained thusly: 1) The guy was his brother-in-law, 2) He owed the guy a favor, 3) The guy was his homosexual lover. You decide.
Meanwhile, Carson spends most of the film without a shirt, but his hairless pink chest wouldn't even turn on the most unattractive woman or loneliest gay guy in the free world. In the end, though, even his bare chest cannot prevent him from glowing bright red (after Johnny Longbone shots him with an arrow made from another moon rock) as the picture comes to a welcome and merciful conclusion.