The Pirates of Penzance (1994 TV Movie)
1/10
And then wash your hands
23 July 2006
This is the first of the three Gilbert and Sullivan operettas produced by the Australian Essgee company. It is not as bad The Mikado and HMS Pinafore. Presumably there was a learning curve before the company attained its peak of vulgarity. Some of the elements are already in place: there is, for instance, the orchestra consisting of three synthesizers, two percussion and bass. This ensures that, whatever the singers may do, the production can have no musical merit whatsoever. The women's chorus consists of three harridans who call themselves "The Fabulous Singlettes" who give a bloodcurdling rendition of "Climbing over rocky mountains". Jon English, as the Pirate King is truly repulsive. I have noticed in these productions that he tends to step out of character and address the audience with comments such as: "Colour and movement, that's what you need when the plot is sagging a bit". The implication is that he may have been attending a Drama 101 course during the making of this series.

Derek Metzger has the makings of a good Major General. He can handle the patter but is more concerned with stage business. During "I am the very model of a modern Major General" he conjures a bouquet of flowers from his anus and hands them to one of the Fatuous Singlettes with the remark: "Put those in some water and then wash your hands". Tim Tyler as the police sergeant spits ping pong balls while singing "When the foeman bares his steel", a performance that perhaps would be more fitting in a shady Bangkok nightclub. Helen Donaldson as Mabel really can sing, she has an excellent high register and easily accomplishes the coloratura pyrotechnics of the bel canto pastiche: "Poor wand'ring one". Sadly, it is to little avail with the pounding percussion and the Crapulous Singlettes bumping and grinding behind her.

Director Peter Butler has an uncanny knack of positioning his camera at the wrong place at the wrong time. Incredibly, this is the man who once directed Joan Sutherland in "Lucia di Lammermoor". I can just imagine the scene with La Stupenda saying "I know this is the mad scene Peter darling, but not the ping pong balls, please". The performance was filmed live in Queensland in 1994 and, I must say, the Queensland audience appears to love every minute. I suppose if I were watching my local amateur dramatic company performing in the village hall I would be more indulgent but there is really no reason why this amateurish production should be showing in the opera slot of the flagship, high definition Artsworld channel in 2006
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