This movie was pure garbage. Jennifer Lopez was, as usual, unbelievably annoying and mannish despite her dewy complexion and massive boobies. There's just something about her voice and mannerisms (no pun intended) which seem undeniably masculine.
I would never have chosen to watch this movie. But when my boyfriend's incredibly cute daughter asked me to watch it with her and flashed me the sad puppy face, I steeled myself for a cinematic train wreck and popped it in.
It was even worse than I could have imagined.
First of all, it was unrealistic. The conniving, slapstick plotting of Viola and the still more conniving and slapstick retaliation of Charlie (ah-HA! she even has a man's name!!!) would never happen in real life. The mother would be cold and steely, perhaps even going so far as to tell the dreaded "temp" to stay away from her precious Golden Boy. Rather then slinging spaghetti sauce and innocently making the old hag a hideous 60's style prom dress to wear to the wedding, the spurned woman would either ignore the witch, or tell her off and be done with it.
Second of all, the chemistry between Charlie and Kevin was the worst I've EVER seen in a movie. And I do literally mean ever. Kevin seemed like a pompous irritating jerk, as well as the worst kind of mama's boy, and in her interaction with him, Charlie came across as whiny, grovelly, and childlike. Their physical scenes (rare indeed) were actually difficult to watch they seemed so forced. And that pathetic almost phone-sex scene, thankfully interrupted by Mother Superior, seemed so unrealistic and cheesy that I found myself squirming. Kevin sounded so casual he could have been discussing his new and very boring foot fungus. Charlie couldn't have looked any more uncomfortable if he had been, in between pouty bleats of "I miss you." Please!
Finally, the ending was rushed, stupid, and even more unrealistic than the events leading up to it. In under ten seconds the sun just breaks through and everything's okay. Yeah right! But it's not like I didn't see it coming. I did. From when the movie began, that is. I could even let the unrealistic happy ending fly since we ARE talking about a movie, but I can't excuse the lightning-strike suddenness with which it came on. It was like they were filming and the camera was about to run out of batteries so they just decided to wrap it up and get it over with quick, rather than come back and do it right after recharging. I'm just watching the movie and suddenly BOOM! Here's a fistful of ending right to the jaw.
Not that I was really complaining by that point. Any ending was fine with me. I just wanted the thing to END.
I can say one good thing about the movie. Wanda Sykes was hilarious as Ruby. If it hadn't been for her I might have had to stick a meat fork through my eyes to let out my frustration with the movie. I came close, even so.
In conclusion, the seven-year-old loved it.
I would never have chosen to watch this movie. But when my boyfriend's incredibly cute daughter asked me to watch it with her and flashed me the sad puppy face, I steeled myself for a cinematic train wreck and popped it in.
It was even worse than I could have imagined.
First of all, it was unrealistic. The conniving, slapstick plotting of Viola and the still more conniving and slapstick retaliation of Charlie (ah-HA! she even has a man's name!!!) would never happen in real life. The mother would be cold and steely, perhaps even going so far as to tell the dreaded "temp" to stay away from her precious Golden Boy. Rather then slinging spaghetti sauce and innocently making the old hag a hideous 60's style prom dress to wear to the wedding, the spurned woman would either ignore the witch, or tell her off and be done with it.
Second of all, the chemistry between Charlie and Kevin was the worst I've EVER seen in a movie. And I do literally mean ever. Kevin seemed like a pompous irritating jerk, as well as the worst kind of mama's boy, and in her interaction with him, Charlie came across as whiny, grovelly, and childlike. Their physical scenes (rare indeed) were actually difficult to watch they seemed so forced. And that pathetic almost phone-sex scene, thankfully interrupted by Mother Superior, seemed so unrealistic and cheesy that I found myself squirming. Kevin sounded so casual he could have been discussing his new and very boring foot fungus. Charlie couldn't have looked any more uncomfortable if he had been, in between pouty bleats of "I miss you." Please!
Finally, the ending was rushed, stupid, and even more unrealistic than the events leading up to it. In under ten seconds the sun just breaks through and everything's okay. Yeah right! But it's not like I didn't see it coming. I did. From when the movie began, that is. I could even let the unrealistic happy ending fly since we ARE talking about a movie, but I can't excuse the lightning-strike suddenness with which it came on. It was like they were filming and the camera was about to run out of batteries so they just decided to wrap it up and get it over with quick, rather than come back and do it right after recharging. I'm just watching the movie and suddenly BOOM! Here's a fistful of ending right to the jaw.
Not that I was really complaining by that point. Any ending was fine with me. I just wanted the thing to END.
I can say one good thing about the movie. Wanda Sykes was hilarious as Ruby. If it hadn't been for her I might have had to stick a meat fork through my eyes to let out my frustration with the movie. I came close, even so.
In conclusion, the seven-year-old loved it.